Not to pay for teachers' gifts?

[nutcasetobe]

Hi there,
I moved my daughter to a new school (private) this year, and couple of weeks ago, PTA sent an email raising money for teacher Christmas and end of year gift. They have asked for 60pounds per student. It’s not a big school, around 150 student and 15 teacher in total I would say.
I usually wouldn’t mind paying, however they did not give the option of paying less if you can’t pay or simply don’t want to spend that much. On top of that they started sending emails of who paid and who is yet to pay which I felt they were bullying the parents into it.
I always teach my kids that a gift has to be thoughtful and personal. I teach them not to be bullied to do something they don’t want or see right to do.. I feel I will be betraying my own self if I do... AIBU not to pay and possibly get my daughter in awkward situation with her peers?

Perhaps you would like your daughter to be involved in the process of choosing, wrapping and giving her form teacher a present, rather than out-sourcing it to someone else ;-) .

As a teacher, I can tell you that I still treasure the Fimo elephant that a 12 year old girl gave me 15 years ago, but I can't for the life of me remember who gave me a bottle of wine, a box of chocolates or a voucher, even tough I appreciated them at the time.

£600 a teacher?!
As it’s a private school you’re already paying their wages and they wouldn’t have a job otherwise

Um. We're not allowed to accept gifts above a certain (low) value. End of term choccies/wine notwithstanding gifts have to be declared and cannot be accepted over a certain value. £600 worth of thank you is most emphatically not allowed. I should add that the rule stands accord both state and private, having worked in both sectors.
Also, the pp who said that bunging money in a pot is about as far from the appropriate sentiment as possible is spot on. Give me a home made card/baked cookies any day.

Contact the chair of governors - this is extortion.

I've made myself unpopular by refusing to join in with the class whip round at my son's prep school and that was 'only' £20! A parent who is new to the school is organising and wants us to transfer the money into her bank account. I hate this both in principle and practice and have said no. We'll be giving the teacher a bottle of our home made sloe gin instead.

What would the governors do? This is the PTA, they dont tell them what to do

In theory the governers could have a quiet word with the chair of the PTA but chances are there is a quite a significant number of people who are in the middle section of the BoG/PTA Venn diagram. So not worth it unless you want to make enemies!

Just for clarification, the 60 pounds are not only for Christmas but also for end of year gift. Still . Also I don’t understand the transfer to a personal bank account.
I like the teachers and I do believe they are amazing, I just mind the forcing strategy the PTA are using to make everyone pay.

Also I don’t understand the transfer to a personal bank account.

That is dodgy as fuck.

That seems quite a lot - DS's are at a private school and we pay £25 per child to our class reps at the beginning of the year which covers Christmas and end of year gifts for the class teacher as well as leaving presents and cards for any children in the class who leave the school during the year. It also pays for some decorations / treats for the whole classroom at Halloween and Christmas time.

So no, YWNBU to say no to £60 and tell them you are getting your own gift.

lucky teacher of Chickoletta's child. Homemade sloe gin sounds fab.

I've always thought that group gifts were a bit weird. My parents always ordered flowers at the end of the year and I brought a card for Christmas. I intend to do the same with my children.

Damn it, I'm clearly working at the wrong school!

£60? Nah, you don't have to put that much in - we don't expect a gift as we do get paid!

I put in about a £5 per teacher in primary and now DD1 is in secondary, probably won't buy any presents unless the teacher has gone above and beyond for my DD.

Whoa!
Teacher here - I wouldn't like this at all! Hand written card from the heart is the most fabulous of things for me to receive.

I really don't understand this requirement to almost 'tip' the teachers for doing a job that they already get paid for.

The PTA have got damn cheek asking for anything.
£60 I dont spend much more that on my own daughter and nephews.
Cheeky bints.

Theyd be getting £5 off me, and liking it

This is when I curse myself for choosing to teach in the state secondary sector... 😀

I'd send an e-mail and say I don't even spend that much money on family never mind a teacher so sorry I'm afraid I won't be contributing £60. They probably underpay the teachers compared to state schools and think this is a bit of a bonus for them by fleecing parents.

My sons are now 40 or so. Never had collections for the teachers. Don't remember giving them presents from us, either. When each of the boys left their primary school, I gave books for the school library. Seems to be a lot of nonsense about all this now. I would have thought a child-made card would be fine. Maybe a posy of flowers or chocolates. But a demand for £60? No way!

...actually, best 2 presents I've ever received were a slab of homemade fudge and, after supporting one of my pupils through Ramadan and because I took such an interest, I had a homemade pack of pakoras and samosas.

Please don't give this cash. Too many warning bells here.

I'm a teacher and we have to declare anything worth over £20 (not that I've ever had to). I get the odd box of chocolates or bottle of wine which is lovely, but nothing can ever top a handwritten and heartfelt thank you card from a child.

1. this is nothing to do with the PTA
2. It is an extortionate amount of money
3. Any teacher I know would be mortified
4. As others have said, the whole issue of sending round who has paid and who hasn't is shocking. Quite probably also against the data protections act, but morally abhorrent, and I would 'reply all' on the e-mail saying so.
5. Putting the money through her personal bank account is seriously dodgy practice

6.Just no.

"Thank you for your email, we are making our own arrangements for teachers gifts so could you please remove me from the group email list regarding this. Thank you."

What a perfect response!

We're in a private school nursery. We've just bought the main teacher a present as DD has gone on about buying her" favourite teacher" a "rainbow necklace". It's something personal and thought about by my DD and so we've then had to snub the usual whip around. Not sure it's gone down well but I couldn't give a toss. Everyone else is contributing £20 which isn't very personal and not really teaching their children very much about the thought of the event or gift. The same happened at the end of last term and although we contributed then I suggested a much more personal "girl" which ended up in a load of work for myself but went down very well (made the teachers cry). Do what you feel is right. And no you shouldn't be made to feel bad, a gift is a gift.