To wonder if any men widowed under the age of 60 stay single?

[lavenderferns]

It seems to me most find a partner within six to twelve months of their wife dying. Happy to be proved wrong?

So many men widowed young is making me panic a little.

Do you suffer from anxiety generally Annabella?
Most men aren't widowed young. But a thread about that situation is obviously going to be full of examples.

MY first boyfriend lost his wife four years ago aged 41, they had no kids and as far as I know he hasn't met anyone else. His best friend lost his a couple of months later aged 40. No kids together but his wife had 2 DD's in late teens and he had a teenage son. He met someone else quite quickly. I only mention the children as I wonder if that is relevant somehow.

@ellisandre tongue in cheek dear

Right, sorry I wasted my time trying to reassure you. Quite a serious thread so I didn't get that your comment was tongue in cheek at all dear. Glad you're not actually panicking.

There was a thread on here a few days ago where a lady was really anxious about being widowed, poor thing - I thought you had similar fears.

My grandad was widowed around 50ish. He met someone else about 5 years later. His 'friend' also passed away about 10 years ago, they were 'friends' (NOT partners as we would often get told off for referring to Nancy as his girlfriend lol) for about 10 years. He then met another 'friend' a few years later.

I never met my nan, but I knew his first 'friend' very well, and was very upset when she passed. But I was happy he met someone else, as it would be a bloody lonely existence to live a life of solitude for another 20+ years! And my dad was happy when he met his first (and second) 'friend' as again, it was companionship. It didn't mean he didn't love my grandma any less, and he shouldn't feel ashamed either. Everyone deserves happiness.

One of my DH's best friends was left a widower at 47 (12 years ago) when his wife tragically died very suddenly (brain haemorrhage). For the first few years he was completely occupied looking after their sons, now both adults. About 7 years ago his sons signed him up for online dating! He has literally been fighting women off ever since! I mean, he's quite good-looking, solvent, owns a house, widower, own teeth ( ) , no pervy habits - he's probably a fantastic catch in the world of OLD! However, although he''s been on lots of dates I think he is enjoying himself but seems in no hurry to marry again.

Its ok. Some people never know love. I got love with someone who never cheated, never hurt me, and was utterly lovely. I just didnt get it that long.

I listen to recordings he made in his last year, just a radioshow he made while I slept. I ration them.

No one couid ever be with me, im pining for him.

I dont judge people who cant move on. I just cannot.

Some people never know love.

I think that is a bit harsh. I think you can love more than one person in a life time.

A large part of it was that he "couldn't" run a house and so needed someone to cook, clean, pay the bills, pack luggage, manage appointments etc etc. All quite mercenary

I suspect this has a lot to do with it. Widowed men are more likely to think, conciously or unconciously 'shit, I've got to do all the shitwork myself now, better find another woman to do it for me'.

Whereas women are more likely to notice how easier life is now they are only cooking, washing and shopping for one and aren't constantly tidying up after a man who makes more work than he does himself and decide that life on their own isn't too bad really.

shit, I've got to do all the shitwork myself now, better find another woman to do it for me'

Just so.

My FIL was widowed young and never remarried or even so much as dated. I find it very sad and have made DH promise that if anything happens to me he will actively look for someone new and not feel any guilt over remarrying. I hate the thought of him being unhappy and I know that he would be unhappy alone.

Having said that, I'm not sure I could remarry if anything happened to him - it took me almost 30 years to find him and he's utterly perfect. So I'm a bit of a hypocrite!

There is a graphic halfway down this page that could help explain why older men are more likely to get a new partner:-

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2591541/Revealed-How-married-couples-minority-half-Brits-choose-live-just-stay-single.html

Above age 55, significantly more men than woman are married. Or, put another way, there are fewer men than women available to get married. So supply and demand mean that a single man of that age is going to have more and better options than a woman.

Not saying this is the only factor, just one of them.

hit, I've got to do all the shitwork myself now, better find another woman to do it for me'

Some men may think this

Fits with my experience - my DF and the fathers of friends who've lost their mothers had a new partner within months. Friends who've lost their fathers - all but one of their mothers are still single.

It seems to be an attitude thing more than anything; men of that generation dislike being alone whereas some of the women are quite happy being alone; others just don't want to look at anyone else, however much their children might wish that they would.

I also wonder if it's because some men prefer younger women - so single ladies in their 50's and 60's might find it harder to meet someone than men do? Or am I being overly cynical there?!

My step mum started seeing someone about 18 months after my dad died, seems quite serious. But I'm happy for her.

My grandad lost my nan in 1990. He has never met anyone else, he doesnt want to either.

My husband started dating me three years after losing his first wife. He didn’t stop loving her when he started to love me. Just like you don’t stop loving your first child if you have a second.

There were days he was left totally alone. The phone not even ringing. I wouldn’t judge anyone for moving on quickly as the alternative can be dire. Friends may be good at first but soon move on with their lives. Nobody to talk to or tell about your day.

My lovely hubby is a happy family man with stepchildren and a new baby. Of course you can have a full, happy life without a partner or children. Maybe for some, it is just harder to do when dealing with immense grief. It isn’t something a widow or widower has chosen but has been foist upon them.

Isn't this just a numbers game? Surely beyond a certain age there aren't enough men left anyway?

Ok, so I put it badly. I might never have been loved by anyone, so at least I had that for a while. I also said I didn't blame anyone for marrying again, but I personally couldn't.

I wish I hadn't said anything now.

My best friend’s husband has a new partner, he met her two years after my best friend died suddenly. I know he’s lonely, and he's in no way trying to replace my best friend. They were the couple that give the rest of us hope! I don’t know if I could socialise with them as it would be too hard, but he asked for my blessing and I gave it. Because he deserves to be happy.

My dad will never meet anyone else, he is absolutely lost without my Mum. DPs Dad died 5 years after his Mum, he was lost without her. I’m terrified the same will happen with my dad, he is a shadow of his former self without Mum.

I only commented on their relationship because he asked for my blessing btw. If he hadn’t asked I’d have kept my nose out!

It seems to me most find a partner within six to twelve months of their wife dying. Happy to be proved wrong?

Worrying about your inheritance perchance?

I'm not particularly seeing a problem with two consenting adults finding good company and companionship in their twilight years.

4 months for my father to get into a new relatonship after my mothers death after 43 years of being married, and 18 years before that living next door to each other and going to school together. No problem with it at all.