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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Wedding Evening Invite- cancellation

78 replies

yy558 · 22/11/2017 16:51

Predicament- been invited as an evening guest to a wedding on an weekday, its after the reception/meals for main/day guests and they is a buffet for later for the evening.. AIBU if I cancel last minute even though I RSVPED as attending?

mainly because I am worried about travelling there and travlling back on my own - as i would need to go from work which finishes at late. Then I would have to travel quite a bit to get there and then it would mean I have to leave early to travel back as it means catching trains/public transport as I recently moved quite far away. Not only that, my OH has booked a holiday the day after. I'm going to be exhausted, just to turn up for an hour! As I am only an evening guest- AIBU if I don't attend?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 22/11/2017 17:42

YANBU, its only the reception. Youre not obliged.

It would be rude if it was the main meal

Floellabumbags · 22/11/2017 17:43

we had a few no-shoes

Bloody hippies!

buttfacedmiscreant · 22/11/2017 17:43

Send a present and a card with an apology and make the present more generous than you would normally... e.g. add the money you would have spent going to the wedding.

NancyDonahue · 22/11/2017 17:45

Yanbu. It wouldn't have bothered me. I wouldn't have wanted guests coming along to the evenung do if it was a hassle for them. Let the bride know asap. You only have to say 'Sorry I won't be able to make it', no reason required. Follow up with a card and the gift you'd have sent anyway with a further apology.

Nyx1 · 22/11/2017 17:45

I think it's fine, bit puzzled you didn't check the travel first or is there a drip feed coming? I once went to a 40th that was planned yonks in advance but there were 2 train lines involved and after I RSVPd they announced engineering works on both. I didn't feel able to back out as it was a good friend so I did 5 hours travel for 2 hours at a party!

expatinscotland · 22/11/2017 17:48

Cancel and send a card. Next time think through before accepting. An evening do during the week is going to be tricky if it involves travel.

MillennialFalcon · 22/11/2017 17:49

Floellabumbags Sorry I didn't realise, thought they were just playing for sympathy and taking the mickey but that's awful about their partner, I hope they feel able to leave him one day.

cathyclown · 22/11/2017 17:49

I am getting to the stage where even though we give our thoughts and so on, well we are just chatting really..... Why are people so anal about saying -

NO THANKS. What is so difficult about that, once done in a nice way and with a card and a little gift.

Weird.

HaHaHmm · 22/11/2017 17:51

Yes, it's rude, so don't tell the couple the real reason. Pretend that you are unwell on the day.

therealposieparker · 22/11/2017 17:52

Of course YANBU

Original poster
yy558 · 22/11/2017 17:53

When I accepted, I hadn't moved into my new place yet, 3 months ago so I thought it was feasible looking at the transport links without having done the journey (commute etc) but it is in another county and that would mean, a few train changes.

(life kinda got In the way- v.selfish I know. and then the time crept up on me before I realised to check transport again)

OP posts:
goingbonkers123 · 22/11/2017 17:56

This happened to me at my wedding- the buffet is per head and it has been paid for already most likely. I was really annoyed and found it very rude indeed - you're basically saying to your friend you couldn't be arsed/got a better offer.

You should have thought it through before accepting. YABU. You should make the effort to go.

Nyx1 · 22/11/2017 17:56

OP "When I accepted, I hadn't moved into my new place yet, "

I knew there'd be missing info! I think some posters might have replied differently if they knew something had changed inbetween.

I would say pretend to be ill unless you know the couple well enough to know they will understand if you say you have had a change and didn't realise the journey would be so long.

Original poster
yy558 · 22/11/2017 17:56

Update I have cancelled now. But keen to hear more stories featuring hamsters.

OP posts:
WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 22/11/2017 17:58

YABU and very, very rude OP.

LostInShoebiz · 22/11/2017 18:03

Massive generalisation to say evening guests are second class friends and acquaintances. Yes, some are (e.g. Old school friends you only see on the train) but some are people close to you that have to be pushed aside for the sake of family politics, people who are in a class that has to have the same invitations (like work colleagues for some) or in some weddings with a tiny ceremony they make up the majority. A friend attended a wedding where there were 10 day guests (very immediate family and children) and about 90 evening guests. We don't know much about the particular wedding the OP is going to and it's a bit harsh to generalise so much. Poor bride might really want the OP there.

LostInShoebiz · 22/11/2017 18:04

Sorry for lack of paragraphs!

Nyx1 · 22/11/2017 18:06

OP did you actually speak to them?

I think this is going to turn into a bit of a "cancel the cheque" thread.....

LineysBum · 22/11/2017 18:07

OP said in her OP she recently moved far away.

cathyclown · 22/11/2017 18:07

Bridezillas and Groomzillas (to a lesser extent) might be budget conscious.

It doesn't matter OP. If you don't want to go do not go.

Honestly, is this the first wedding where a guest declined, or indeed gatecrashers took their place. By the time the evening do happens no one really cares.

user1497997754 · 22/11/2017 18:14

Def cancel let them know ASAP send card and gift...enjoy your holiday

Chickoletta · 22/11/2017 18:15

YANBU - send a nice card and a voucher and enjoy putting your feet up. I wouldn't go if I were you.

blackteasplease · 22/11/2017 18:17

Yanbu. The evening invite does t carry the same expense and therefore obligation as a day invitation.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 22/11/2017 19:22

Some venues don't charge per head for evening dos, but some do.

Cancelling earlier is better, they are usually more flexible at letting the B&G pay for less.

Starryskiesinthesky · 22/11/2017 19:48

I am someone who usually goes if i have said i will but fine to cancel now. Its only night and only you so i would.