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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Wedding Evening Invite- cancellation

78 replies

yy558 · 22/11/2017 16:51

Predicament- been invited as an evening guest to a wedding on an weekday, its after the reception/meals for main/day guests and they is a buffet for later for the evening.. AIBU if I cancel last minute even though I RSVPED as attending?

mainly because I am worried about travelling there and travlling back on my own - as i would need to go from work which finishes at late. Then I would have to travel quite a bit to get there and then it would mean I have to leave early to travel back as it means catching trains/public transport as I recently moved quite far away. Not only that, my OH has booked a holiday the day after. I'm going to be exhausted, just to turn up for an hour! As I am only an evening guest- AIBU if I don't attend?

OP posts:
AnnaleeP · 22/11/2017 17:15

It's only an evening invite, just give your apologies and send a card. A few people didn't come to our evening do if the wedding, I wasn't insulted.

19lottie82 · 22/11/2017 17:16

It’s fine, the bride and groom will prob won’t even notice you’re not there tbh.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 · 22/11/2017 17:17

I think YABU. You've had plenty of time to plan this out and you left it until now; she shouldn't have to be a guest down because you're unprepared.

The last evening do I was at had no food supplied and drinks were from a pay bar.

I think the majority of weddings are pay bars. Every one I've ever been to has been, as well as mine. We provided food for everyone during the day and evening, though.

PidgeonSpray · 22/11/2017 17:17

With everything you've said I think it's fine to message her cancel. send a card with a little money in it and you'll be fine

Someoneasdumbasthis · 22/11/2017 17:17

It's rude. You know it's rude. What you have to do is weigh up which matters to you more. Being rude or having a shit journey.

Am presuming taxi isn't an option?

MillennialFalcon · 22/11/2017 17:18

I don't think it's as big an issue to cancel for an evening buffet as a sit down meal. It's not like they've paid for a plate of food that won't be needed, one guest won't really make a difference to the size of buffet or venue that was required.

Ttbb · 22/11/2017 17:18

How far away is the wedding?

WitchesHatRim · 22/11/2017 17:18

Of course you dont have to go, however it's a bit stupid that you hadn't thought about any of that with 2 days until the wedding.

Not sure what going on holiday has to do with it.

ConkerGame · 22/11/2017 17:19

Def not unreasonable when only an evening guest. I had to cancel as an evening guest last year when I suddenly got notified I had a job interview two days after the wedding. No way was I going to screw up my chances of getting the job I really wanted by spending a weekend travelling to and from just an evening event rather than preparing for the interview.

Just be very apologetic and send a card and present to show you're thinking of them.

Ttbb · 22/11/2017 17:19

Sorry, I mean date wise? Next week/next month YABU. More than this is okish.

Trinity66 · 22/11/2017 17:19

I think it's a bit shit you have left it so late -end of the week is a day or two as it's already Wednesday

It really isn't a big deal for an evening guest, its a buffet, it won't be counted exactly like the main meal

Jenna43 · 22/11/2017 17:20

YANBU - it's only the evening part and you said you hardly see her anyway, it's not like she's a close friend.

WitchesHatRim · 22/11/2017 17:20

@Ttbb OP has said it's the end of this week.

MadisonAvenue · 22/11/2017 17:20

YANBU. Just cancel asap and then send a card. Most evening receptions aren't worth making all of that effort to get to. We went to one a year or so ago, there was hardly any food, the bar was expensive and the bride couldn't be arsed to tear herself away from her friends to speak to anyone else.

Floellabumbags · 22/11/2017 17:20

Cancel, it's not like you're a day guest and you and your family are cancelling on the day because your pet hamster bit your hand (I'm not joking, I received that phone call on the morning of my wedding).

socialmisfit · 22/11/2017 17:21

Just say you're unwell.

I cancelled an evening invite a few years ago because I didn't have anything to wear. It was really terrible weather so some of the guests didn't make it anyway. I just made the weather an excuse and said that my mum who was going to babysit couldn't get to us.

I did still send a card and present (well contribution to the honeymoon that they'd asked for).

If people really value you they'll invite you all day anyway, unless it's really a small do for the main event eg 20 or fewer people and they have a lot more in the evening. I couldn't feel guilty about not going for an evening do.

MillennialFalcon · 22/11/2017 17:26

OMG Floellabumbags! Sorry I couldn't help but laugh but that must've been frustrating at the time. At least that excuse is so specific that you can be sure they weren't lying because they would have made up something more impressive! It's a bit pathetic though, unless they have a life-threatening hamster allergy.

Sashkin · 22/11/2017 17:33

If we’re comparing shit wedding cancellations, one of the ushers at one of our friends wedding no-showed (didn’t even text, and sent calls to voicemail) because he was banging his new girlfriend. Hmm

Usher and groom are still friends, amazingly.

Travis1 · 22/11/2017 17:34

YANBU, I didn't even use the numbers from RSVP for catering at night just said to the caterer do a buffet for x number, some people didn't make it, didn't make a difference to my night. Send them a nice card and apologies.

A1Sharon · 22/11/2017 17:36

I think YABU.
It's not that I don't understand your reasons for not wanting to go, and in a way you have a valid point.
Bit I am so fed up of people bailing last minute to things! It drives me mad. And it doesn't matter that it is 'only' the evening do, or a friends for dinner, or a coffee, or afternoon tea with the Queen! And it seems to be becoming more prevalent.
You were asked, you said you would go, so go! Yes, it puts you out a bit, but tough! You said you would go.
I never organise a dinner or gathering of some kind without someone bailing at the last minute. I had to cancel a dinner reservation for this week for a very popular restaurant that was booked months in advance because others -despite excuses like yours, cancelled last minute. The truth is of course, like you, that they just couldn't be bothered.
Harsh, I know, but I'm really annoyed about this at the min!

Floellabumbags · 22/11/2017 17:37

@MillennialFalcon

The awful thing is that I think she was lying. What thirty year old woman can't leave the house after a hamster bite? Her partner could get very aggressive when he'd been on the vodka and I suspect he'd assaulted her again. We all tried to get her to leave him but she wouldn't. He smacked her on the day of her Dad's funeral. I fucking hate him. She won't leave.

Buttercupsandaisies · 22/11/2017 17:40

I think it's fine - we had a few no-shoes at my wedding and I didn't even notice!

Viviennemary · 22/11/2017 17:40

You should really have thought this through before you accepted the invitation. I think I'd make some sort of excuse rather than say I'd decided it was all too much bother which I agree it is for an evening invitation. Just cancel but don't just not turn up. And send present and card and it will be fine.

notangelinajolie · 22/11/2017 17:41

As you are only invited to the evening reception I am presuming you are not one of the main guests or a close family member. It is a weekday - and I doubt you are not the only person who is not able to attend. I know you have already accepted but it would be pefectly ok and definitely not rude for you to cancel. What would be rude is not turning up. Send a nice card with an apology wishing them both a lovely day.

Chrys2017 · 22/11/2017 17:42

TBH no-one will even notice. Don't go!