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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh's family let their Dc chase our ds and family pet ALL THE TIME

111 replies

BitOfrarebit · 22/11/2017 12:10

SiL & BIL let their ds (9 yrs old) chase after our young dog whenever they visit. They also let him chase my ds (3 years old) around the house which he hates.

Whenever they visits their son who is an only child and is perhaps not used to having younger children around chases and annoys my ds and also our dog. The same happens when we visit them although we don't bring our dog with us then.

AIBU to say something next time he does this? Last time they came my ds was hiding behind the sofa as his much bigger cousin was teasing and chasing him. He is not scared of his cousin but finds it annoying and seeks shelter by hiding.

I hate to create a situation with my in laws especially with Christmas around the corner but should I say something or am I being PFB and ds should toughen up?

Do your older dc chase their much younger cousins or siblings around, or family pets for that matter? At 3 my ds knows not to chase our dog. Confused

I am expecting dc2 and have had a rough pregnancy and need some perspective here. Is it me being PFB and soppy because of pregnancy hormones?

We are invited over this weekend and i am dreading it already.

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 22/11/2017 14:36

if she's into the "child led" thing and gets cross if you tell nephew to stop it then tell her you too are taking your child's lead and your dog's and that is why you are stopping his unacceptable behaviour because THEY don't like it!

TrinityTaylor · 22/11/2017 14:48

Weird, my ten yo would never do this, very immature behaviour. She would prefer to "baby" the littler cousin and play age appropriate games with them and their toys. Then if she got bored she'd watch her Kindle. Which she'd have with her

specialsubject · 22/11/2017 14:53

ah, somebody bringing up a 'free spirit', or as the rest of us see it, training the kid to be an annoying little shit.

not the kids fault but it will be the kid that suffers when the dog bites, or another kid beats it up for being a nuisance.

poor child. Upset your sister in law rather than have these outcomes in your house.

Allwashedup · 22/11/2017 16:05

This is exactly why our two cats are staying in their cattery over Christmas Sad Our little niece and nephew (DH's side) will be visiting and the little nephew especially is known to be unkind to cats, e.g pulling their tail/whiskers etc, and we absolutely cannot risk our cats being here when they visit, especially as they are nervous anyway. Not having them here will spoil Christmas especially for me, but at least they will be safely well away from the disruptive, noisy ill mannered children. Shame it has to be like this, especially Christmas Sad

Therealjudgejudy · 22/11/2017 16:16

For goodness sake op grow a bloody back bone. You are willing to let your son hide behind a couch and your dog to be terrorised because you are scared of your sil?

Don't let there be a next time. Simple

LakieLady · 22/11/2017 16:18

Aye, but SIL is very prickly at the best of times. She does everything 'child led' and told us before that they don't tell him off for whatever reason. I expect that if I tell my nephew to stop it she will get cross.

Good. Let her be bloody cross. Your house, your rules.

Chrys2017 · 22/11/2017 16:25

Don't lock the dog away for god's sake. It's his house and this brat has to learn that it is NOT okay to torment animals.

Tell him straight out, and his parents, and if they don't like it... TOUGH!

Chrys2017 · 22/11/2017 16:28

This is exactly why our two cats are staying in their cattery over Christmas

Tell the kid to keep his hands off your cats! Christmas is for the whole family not just the two-legged members!

I put my two cats in a cattery one Christmas because I was worried they wouldn't get along with my sister's cats. The poor things were traumatized and crying when we collected them. They probably thought they'd been abandoned again. Never again!

Allwashedup · 22/11/2017 16:41

Luckily they are absolutely fine in the cattery, they've been several times before because of holidays etc. Our last cat who didn't get on with catteries (always had house sitters for her) was followed and poked, once even punched by the niece, who got a severe telling off by us and her parents (BIL and wife), thereafter never visiting us again, and the one time they did we made sure the cat was safely shut away in the main bedroom, with food, water, litterbox etc. She was fine with this but our new cats would not want to be shut away and it would not be fair on them.
Had we not recently moved into our new home then I suspect it would be us doing the visiting, but they wanted to visit/DH wanted them to visit if our cattery had availability.
I don't like Christmas anyway and missing my kittys is going to make it even harder Sad All because the little shits can't be trusted around our pets Angry

Makesmilingyourbesthobby · 22/11/2017 16:46

I would just tell your dn to stop chasing dog & ds around it upsets them both dsil can take it as she likes, but if you really don't want to in case of worrying about upsetting dsil just word it different boys can you stop chasing each other before one of you has a accident or one of you gets upsets, then look at dsil & say your son gets very upset being chased, as for dog can you stop chasing the dog before he bites you, she may still be in a huff about it but you can just say you was worried about your son, dog & her son by wording it different, id have to just say it if you dont stick up for your children who else will & chasing a dog around indoors must be upsetting the dog & all kids should learn how to treat animals & younger children

Chrys2017 · 22/11/2017 17:40

@Allwashedup Little shits indeed! I hope one day they meet a cat with very sharp claws who isn't afraid to use them.

Evelynismyspyname · 22/11/2017 17:44

Chrys if a totally untrained, spoilt, out of control dog bit someone who would you blame and wish harm upon? I'm betting not the dog!
In exactly the same way the child is not a "little shit" (especially the toddlers). This is a parental fail, just as the dog owner is fully, 100% to blame when a dog is not trained and utterly spoilt.

Chrys2017 · 22/11/2017 18:15

Evelynismyspyname And the parents are they way they are because of how their parents treated/didn't treat them. And so on and so on...

Someone can be a little shit without it being their fault they are a little shit.

Evelynismyspyname · 22/11/2017 18:24

Chrys that applies once a person has reached an age at which they have to take responsibility for themselves. Calling toddlers and children little shits with such glee is hugely unpleasant. If the children are described as little, which means that they are still very young, yet you are wishing harm on them.

Crumbs1 · 22/11/2017 18:32

Just tell him firmly to stop running around/chasing the dog/shouting or whatever. Then give him something more constructive to do - helping with cooking, feeding the dog, making a cardboard box car for his cousin etc.
If she complains just smile sweetly and say ‘ My house, my rules’.

Chrys2017 · 22/11/2017 18:59

Evelynismyspyname I apologise if my unpleasantness on this subject offends you. And I don't necessarily agree that 'parental fail' is always the cause of this kind of behaviour in children—you do know that torturing animals is one of the early signs of a psychopath?

MinervaSaidThar · 22/11/2017 19:35

@ohhereweareagain

YABU purely for bringing in the fact their kid is an only child ffs hmmangry

This is so pathetic. Are you prfessionally offended? It's clear OP mentioned he's an inly to child to explain why he may get so excited with her DS.

Evelynismyspyname · 22/11/2017 19:36

Chrys only if it's part of a triad with persistent bed wetting and starting fires Hmm and only after a certain age... Even then that theory, put forward based on a study in the 60s, has never been validated or replicated in future studies.

happypoobum · 22/11/2017 19:41

You seem afraid of SIL and her reactions. Is this because you don't think DH will back you? What does he say about his son and his dog being chased around their own home?

Time for Big Girl Pants OP. Tell him to stop. If he doesn't, address SIL and say if he doesn't stop he will have to leave. If she gets the hump and leaves, that's a result.

You have your own family to protect.

Dragongirl10 · 22/11/2017 19:41

OP you do not have to put up with this in your house as others have said, just say to him,' do not chase my dog, he/she doesn't like it and may get overexcited and snap'

Same re Ds without the snapping bit!

If she gets cross, her problem... she cannot expect the whole world to put up with her badly behaved child.

You definately need to tackle this.

SlartyFarkBarstard · 22/11/2017 19:43

But you wouldn’t be telling him off Confused you’d just be asking him not to do something.
What if dear nephew decided to raid your knicker drawer and throw your fancy pants around the living room while guests were there? Would you bite your tongue because SIL might get prickly? Would you fuck!

isadoradancing123 · 22/11/2017 19:53

Absolutely 100% tell him to stop, she can do child led as much as she likes, tell you are doing child and dog led as they are scared, and you are taking their lead from them!

Original poster
BitOfrarebit · 22/11/2017 19:55

What if dear nephew decided to raid your knicker drawer and throw your fancy pants around the living room while guests were there?
Grin I don't think i'd have to do an AIBU for that because i know that that is totally unacceptable.

Kids running around or 'playing chase' on the other hand can be ok and I was seeking another perspective. I think I am a bit PFB in general Blush and emotional due to expecting no2. Clearly though I am failing to keep my dc & ddog and even dn safe by allowing this chasing to go on and on. I felt unsure as his parent basically just let it happen every single time as do I so have only myself to blame. Now I know I will tackle it.

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 22/11/2017 19:57

It doesn’t matter how your Sil will receive the request for him to behave. The boy needs to be told. It’s only a game if both people involved are willing players, which your son is not. It’s down to you and DH to advocate on your DS’s behalf. You need to demonstrate how to fairly take a stand

BinkyandBunty · 22/11/2017 20:06

Try not to build it up in your head as a really big thing, OP.

It's perfectly normal and not in any way confrontational to kindly ask a child to do or not do something, especially a family member and in your own home. He'll be used to it from teachers, coaches and other parents.

It might sit better with SIL if you frame it positively e.g. 'could you give x a rest from chasey now? He's getting upset' rather than using 'stop' or 'don't'.