Dh's family let their Dc chase our ds and family pet ALL THE TIME

[BitOfrarebit]

SiL & BIL let their ds (9 yrs old) chase after our young dog whenever they visit. They also let him chase my ds (3 years old) around the house which he hates.

Whenever they visits their son who is an only child and is perhaps not used to having younger children around chases and annoys my ds and also our dog. The same happens when we visit them although we don't bring our dog with us then.

AIBU to say something next time he does this? Last time they came my ds was hiding behind the sofa as his much bigger cousin was teasing and chasing him. He is not scared of his cousin but finds it annoying and seeks shelter by hiding.

I hate to create a situation with my in laws especially with Christmas around the corner but should I say something or am I being PFB and ds should toughen up?

Do your older dc chase their much younger cousins or siblings around, or family pets for that matter? At 3 my ds knows not to chase our dog.

I am expecting dc2 and have had a rough pregnancy and need some perspective here. Is it me being PFB and soppy because of pregnancy hormones?

We are invited over this weekend and i am dreading it already.

[Nanny0gg]

Don't pander, don't pussyfoot. It's your house.

She doesn't like your rules then she can stay at home!

You can bring up your children anyway you choose. But if their behaviour impacts on others then you have to deal with it or expect that others will.

[Rollmopsrule]

'I expect that if I tell my nephew to stop it she will get cross.'

Really!?! If you calmly explain that chasing a dog is unacceptable and he might snap so he needs to be really sensible your SIL would get cross?
I'm sorry I don't believe you.

[Evelynismyspyname]

Be child led too then - led by your child, who is being subjected to unwelcome and intrusive behaviour in his own home and wants you to protect him.

But tbh who cares if she's prickly - she's totally misunderstood what being child led means if she thinks it means failing to equip her child with the tools he needs to function in everyday social situations.

Your course of action is obvious, and if you put not upsetting your sil above all else you are failing your son, less importantly your dog, but also your nephew. If nobody attempts to socialise him or draws attention to the fact he is not being socialised he'll come to grief sooner or later.

[ButchyRestingFace]

Aye, but SIL is very prickly at the best of times. She does everything 'child led' and told us before that they don't tell him off for whatever reason. I expect that if I tell my nephew to stop it she will get cross.

I think she may have posted a thread on here a few weeks ago.

Are you sure it’s only one kid she has?

[Godotsarrived]

Chasing any animal is cruel. Tell the brat to leave your dog alone. I’d be mortified if my child were to chase any animal. I get pissed of when I see children chase pigeons. Animals are sentient & should be treated with respect. As for chasing your little boy! No. Just no. Encourage your little lad to vomit on him...you can always place the “ he does that when he is scared” card.

[BitOfrarebit]

Is it quite common for older children to chase after much younger cousins or sibling?

I am an older sister but dsis is only a couple of years younger. We wound each other up endlessly when we were children but with a small age gap we were on a more level playing field.

[Justbookedasummmerholiday]

Put him in the garden until its time for them to leave..
And I am referring to the ds not your ddog.

[BitOfrarebit]

"I think she may have posted a thread on here a few weeks ago." lol yes definitely one child, what was the thread about?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

She does everything 'child led' and told us before that they don't tell him off for whatever reason.

I was a Speech and Language Therapist, and we are very keen that activities are "child led" - however this doesn't mean that the child does as he likes!

Child-led activities are where AN ADULT follows the child's imaginative lead when playing games with them eg your DS may be playing with a box of toy cars. Perhaps he wants to give the cars their tea, tell them a story and put them to bed. You, as the adult, would then say things like "Shall we sing them to sleep?", or "Do they need a blanket to keep them warm and snuggly?" and let the child choose. It means NOT saying "No DS - these are cars! You can't give them a cake and put them to bed. You HAVE to drive them round and then take them to the garage for petrol" etc. Effectively it means not imposing adult perceptions of what can be done with a toy or game onto the child, and letting the child (within reason - no drawing on the wallpaper etc) decide what s/he would like to play..

Letting a child do anything under the title of "child-led" activity leads to obnoxious, badly- behaved brats who aren't welcome anywhere and think that they should always have things their way; and can actually be downright dangerous - if your nephew got hold of screwdriver, for instance, would they allow him to stick into a live socket ? Because they should if they carry their parenting to its natural conclusion.

They have o idea what "child-led" parenting is by the sound of it.

[Evelynismyspyname]

BitOf that's been answered early in the thread several times. Of course it isn't "normal". What are you after here. It's blindingly obvious that you need to set and enforce house rules.

[TroelsLovesSquinkies]

Being child led doesn't mean they don't ever ask him to do/not do something surely.
"Nephew, can you please not chase around the house, Ds doesn't like being chased. Can you play nice with the dog, he isn't used to being chased about."
"Time for some quiet gentle play now"
If Sil kicks off she's an idiot and chances are her child doesn't get invited to many play dates or parties for this reason.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Rollmop
Why would you not believe op? My sil has psychopathic traits and is very spiky. If I said something like this to her ds, she’d hit the roof. We don’t see her anymore as she screamed and shouted at my dd, who was then 8 on the day of my stepdads funeral.

[StormTreader]

"Aye, but SIL is very prickly at the best of times. She does everything 'child led' and told us before that they don't tell him off for whatever reason. I expect that if I tell my nephew to stop it she will get cross."

Then she'll have to be cross. At the moment she is being kept happy at the cost of you, your son and your dog being UNhappy.

[kalinkafoxtrot45]

It's your house - put your foot down and if SIL doesn't like it, she can bugger off home. No wonder her DC can't behave, you don't need to put up with it though.

[BitOfrarebit]

BitOf that's been answered early in the thread several times. It has you are right but at the moment I cry easily and feel a bit anxious about many things, which I blame on pregnancy hormones and I feel overwhelmed on the whole. I wondered if I am unduly annoyed and this is just a 'kids will be kids' thing.

[Mustang27]

Speak to his mum, just be honest and say the dog and your child find it a little over bearing and it’s an accident waiting to happen. Would she mind if you told him off for it or would she rather deal with it? Then If she says she would prefer the latter find out how she proposes to do it so you have a plan in place.

Im also nodding in agreement with pp, child led is not an excuse to not parent which is what she is doing if she is letting this happen.

[Redguitar2]

Tell the cousin to stop chasing your son as it makes him feel uncomfortable. Obviously in a gentle, kind voice and in front of his parents so they can enforce it too.

He'll stop chasing dogs when one day, one bites him! Idiotic behaviour from a child old enough to know not to torment and chase animals. Even worse that his parents allow it! The poor dog. I hate it when animals are treated like this by stupid kids.

[BitOfrarebit]

I shall put my big girls pants on and tackle this or ask dh to.

[StormTreader]

"I wondered if I am unduly annoyed and this is just a 'kids will be kids' thing."

Kids will be kids is things like "they were arguing this morning and are best friends this afternoon". Your son is hiding to get away from your nephew in your own home, you need to step up and stop it, regardless of if it makes you nervous - your son needs you.

[FlowerPot1234]

BitOfrarebit

AIBU to say something next time he does this?

Excuse me? Say something next time? You mean you have been allowing a 9 year old boy terrorise your dog all this time and you haven't said a word?

Step up to the mark OP. Your house, your dog, your son, do not let this out of control 9 year old cause trauma and terrorise your dog or your son. Tell him off and tell his --useless- parents that you do not sanction such unacceptable behaviour.

[Mustang27]

Bit it is a little of both he is just being a child but he is over powering a child far younger than him he needs to learn to alter his play appropriately for your son and the dog.

If it was 10 and 16 you would definitely step in so do what you feel right doing. I still stick with speaking to your sil even if you do get upset she should see that it bothers you and want to change that.

[whatkatydidnext1]

Find your voice op I mean this kindly as a pp said she basically lets little Jonny do what he pleases then dresses it up as ‘child led’
If I was visiting someone and my 9 yo was chasing their very young child the other mum wouldn’t need to step in, I’d be on it like a shot. And as for chasing a dog around ?! No not on. Not fair on anyone especially the poor dog.

[BadTasteFlump]

Yes the children in our family/extended family chase each other around for fun. But when the person being chased isn't enjoying it, it stops being fun and becomes bullying. So you have to be clear on this and make them realise/stop what they're doing.

And obviously if the dog gets wound up enough it could turn on them - and that could then be the end of the dog. So firmly tell them it stops now.

[humblesims]

Yes tackle it now OP. It is unacceptable behaviour to chase a dog and the dog might snap back. Its tough shit if your SIL doesnt like it. It is your house and your dog. Your rules. If she doesnt like it she can do one. She's not the boss of you. Stand up to her. Just do it.