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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 25 yr old DSD is old enough to make her own Xmas plans?

81 replies

K1092902 · 21/11/2017 20:19

DSD is 25 and has lived with me and DH for nearly 6 months after a pretty big falling out with her mum.

We are planning on visiting DHs relatives over Xmas- except DSD doesn't want to go. She wants to spend time with her boyfriend and her friends and i think she is old enough to make her own decisions.

Shes not a massive Xmas dinner fan anyway so i was going to cook her er favourite tea to heat up for Xmas day and leave her a bottle of wine to drink and give her presents before we.

DH has got a titty lip on.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MyfatheristheKing · 21/11/2017 20:42

At 25 I was married with three kids! She should be doing what she wants! Including maybe finding her own place?!?

MinervaSaidThar · 21/11/2017 20:43

I don't understand why you think you'd be unreasonable. She's an adult Confused

LineysRum · 21/11/2017 20:43

Anxiety, that sounds awful. Can you tell her to back off?

OP, maybe you and your DSD can tell your DP together that she's doing Christmas her way and he's to stop sulking.

Glumglowworm · 21/11/2017 20:44

She's a grown up ffs! And from the sound of it, she's fine with it?

You're very kind to cook her favourite meal to leave for her, and it's the sort of thing my lovely step mum would do too, but even without that ywnbu

I spent my first solo Christmas when I was 21 and enjoyed it, I do it every year now by choice, after a few years doing the rounds of family and close friends.

yorkshireyummymummy · 21/11/2017 20:50

K109 - I think you sound a lovely step mum. Much nicer than mine who won't let me see my Dad 🙁
Your DSD is old enough to do as she pleases.
Why don't you do a special meal on Christmas Eve (if she isn't going out!!) , invite her boyfriend and give them each a ' Christmas Eve present and make it special so your DH feels somewhat mollified.
If she has plans then tell your husband to stop being silly!

And heebie jeebies - the average age now for first time buyers is 32. Maybe she does not want to rent. Maybe she's really happy at her dads house ( with her lovely step mum) and maybe they love having her there. Maybe she needs a bit of support ATM. Or maybe, just maybe, why she is living there is not what the OP wants opinions on so keep your nose out! And to say they are 'infantilising' her because she hasn't got her own place is just fucking nasty.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 21/11/2017 20:50

This is the same husband who kicked his teenage dd out for getting pregnant, goes through the 25 year old’s private belongings and turned up in the middle of the night violently demanding you hand your sleeping toddler over?

Of course she has the right to her own Xmas but as you know he sees his dds’ as his possessions so he is never going to see it that way.

PS Has your dsd had the baby yet? Boy or girl?

RagingFemininist · 21/11/2017 21:01

Stupid. She has her own life and in some ways her own family now (with her bf- maybe a baby there too?)

I’m actually maxed you are planning to cook d her something)g for Christmas tbh.

And for your DH...he needs to realise his dd has grown up.

Winterhotchocolate · 21/11/2017 21:05

Yanbu!

DancesWithOtters · 21/11/2017 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whoareyoukidding · 21/11/2017 21:09

What's worrying me is, if she is a bit immature will she have a big Christmas party while she has the house to herself, and get the place wrecked by gatecrashers?

ToffeeUp · 21/11/2017 21:09

I was wondering the same as Mumof

He wants to control his children, ofcourse he is not going to be happy with her doing her own thing.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 21/11/2017 21:14

Bet she can’t wait for you both to bugger off for a few days!

NorthernLurker · 21/11/2017 21:14

Yeah your problem isn't dsd and her plans. Ditch the controlling husband and have a nice Christmas yourself.

lalliella · 21/11/2017 21:15

YADNBU you have used the fab phrase titty lip and you’re a lovely stepmum. DH IBU

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 21/11/2017 21:17

Titty lip 😂⭐️

LineysRum · 21/11/2017 21:20

I knew not of The Back Story

MrsExpo · 21/11/2017 21:21

Leave her at home, leave her adequate food in the house, go to rellies for Christmas. Simple really. Remind DH of her age and adult status as he’s clearly forgotten that bit ...... she’s not daddy’s little girl any more.

lorelairoryemily · 21/11/2017 21:22

YANBU. And I LOVE titty lip! I almost woke the sleeping baby in my arms with my laughterGrinGrin

therealnigeltufnel · 21/11/2017 21:23

regardless of what you do with your daughter, titty lip is my new favourite expression! Thank you!

OpenMindedSceptic · 21/11/2017 21:24

Titty lip made my day 😂

Ruffian · 21/11/2017 21:27

Staggering to think that it would even be up for discussion at the age of 25.

GardenGeek · 21/11/2017 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarthasHarbour · 21/11/2017 21:27

Oh gosh I remember your thread about your teenage SD. You were wonderful then and lovely now Flowers

However I am sad to see you are still with 'D'H although that is not the point of the thread or my business

You are a fab SM Smile

dunraven · 21/11/2017 21:28

Do I even dare use this new phrase in RL? Surely, this’ll out me to fellow MNetters! Wink Apologies for derailment. Grin

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 21/11/2017 21:30

Tell your DH to stop being a pranny and stop trying to control his daughters.

She's 25, she's allowed to make her own choices.