AIBU to get butt-hurt about pples reaction to my pregnancy ?!..

[Littlehouseonthepraririe]

Am pregnant with my 6th! I want to share the good news on facebook, not with a fanfare or some obscure balloon riddled/ cryptic sign (tho I do enjoy other pples announcements like that)! But just with a standard f.b post as we have a lot of friends /fam all over the world (and mainly because I'm excited)!

However, when I shared the news of our 5th along with the congratulations I had a Lot of OMG ur mental/ mad etc comments.

Would I look weird if along with sharing the news I tagged on a little light hearted something like ' we know the Waltons life isn't for everyone and we might seem a bit bonkers, but we are really excited to introduce a new member to our clan'.. In the hope that it will ward off What's Wrong With You type comments ?!?

We have a large home for lots of children and my OH works from home so the children aren't lacking in time or space etc and they are always asking for more siblings, and this is the life I've Always wanted, so I don't really Get why pple would write comments like I had last time..
I mean I have lots of friends travelling in the back of beyond or moving up the corporate ladder , which personally is my idea of hell, but I am genuinely happy that they are happy and following their dreams, so obviously just write positive, congratulatory comments when they announce they've landed in a new country / got a promotion..
Am I being butt-hurty and overly sensitive unnecessarily , and would it look rude for me to write something jokey in an attempt to ward off the bat shit crazy comments..?

Crumbs I beg you to go a day without spouting off about being middle class ffs

Having 6 children in a developed country is environmentally irresponsible, however 'lightly" you live it can't make up for that many children.

I don't really care how many children you have and I completely accept that it is the life you want and have chosen but I would definitely think it makes you a bit selfish to put your immediate desire for more children before their long-term future. The environmental catastrophe that is undoubtedly coming (that bit sooner for each consumer being born) will affect your children as well.

Then again many many people tell me I am selfish for having one child and putting my desire for fewer children above my child's need for more family/siblings They are entitled to their opinion as well.

Just live your life and don't worry about what others say.

I think it's incredibly selfish. I don't think there is any possible way that you could give a child the care, time and attention they need when they are 1 of 6. My feeling is that they would miss out on alot compared to children of smaller families.

XiCi and your feelings might be wrong. Not sure what my children missed out on, to be honest.

No more so certainly than those living in a one room nursery for their first two years from 8am to 6pm every day. Those babies will be hardly be getting lots of individual, loving attention. Even in the best nurseries.
No more so than those commuting between two homes with their treasures in a hold-all. Even when the split is reasonably amicable.
No more so than those with one parent who tries desperately to juggle family, finances and their own life.

I would agree it was irresponsible to raise children in an unstable relationship, where you rely on benefits, where you live on the bread line and, where they don’t have the advantages two committed parents in a stable relationship provide. Not sure that’s about numbers though.

I think most people try their best to do the best for their children but I’m not sure numbers come into it. Except where you want to sit in judgement on others, perhaps.

Congratulations!
I have 6 children too.

6 educated happy adults not on benefits. Yes in their own homes, yes with their own families.

Also, everyone bashing on about over population, the way things are going in the developed world, there won’t be enough adults to care for our aging population at our current rate of childbirth. Singapore used to have a stop at 2 policy which had to be changed in the 1980’s because of the huge drop in births.

Crumbs you had your housekeeper bring your children up rather than proper childcare for a start you shouldn’t really comment on this.

You seem to have an unhealthy obsession with couples who haven’t stayed together.

Crumbs, you are so full of shite my screen has just turned brown.

Not sure what my children missed out on, to be honest.

I suppose most obviously they’ve missed out on being real?

XiCi - my husband works from home, so hes here for breakfast to sit and chat with the children. He often does the school run, he's able to sit on the floor and play with the younger ones whilst the older are at school and is there to greet them when they come home, we always eat dinner together and the children have lots of hobbies in the evenings where one of us is always present to watch . im a stay at home mum, our children have never had an assembly/ play/ sports day etc where one or (more often than not) both of us have been present. we jointly do h.w / put the children to bed, read to them, listen to their days. They Often have time just one to one too, this weekend for example one is going 2 a show and a meal , the following day another one is having breakfast and then swimming out alone, we make sure they all have that opportunity regularly , but do you know what, on the most part they'd rather have their siblings there too, because life is just much more fun when you have siblings around !

Compared to other (most) families i know where the dad works away or outside of the home during the day, often having left the house before the children are up and then home when it's late , or doing shifts, or both parents are out working, my children see a lot more of us than in households like that who have to run their lives in that way. So, i would have to disagree that my children miss out on time and attention.
(just to reiterate bcos it's been asked a few times since- my OH earns over the threshold for tax credits/child benefit. So no, we don't receive them).

Am regretting writing this post, but thanks for the nice messages and the congrats! :)

Congratulations! I love big families (have quite a lot of friends with 5 or more children) and would have had more but my uterus ruptured during labour with DC3 and it's not worth the risk to my life or potential future DC's life to go for #4. People just don't think - when it comes to pregnancies/ parenting, as with many topics, somehow everyone thinks they're entitled to weigh in on your choices. Just ignore the naysayers. If you can support them and give them ample time then don't worry about it.

My friend has 7 and tbh, by the time she announced pregnancy number 5, people stopped congratulating her.

By the time she was pregnant with number 7, she stopped telling people, including her family!

If you can afford it, great. Although, to me, a large family looks like hell on earth My friend is wealthy and her kids want for nothing, but their house is just exhausting and I always feel a bit sorry for both the children and the parents. You have to understand lots of people will feel this way to a degree.

Congratulations you sound like you have a fabulous family- real friends will be very happy for you - I had a lot less ‘are you mad’ comments with number 6 than I did with number 5.

I am one of seven and people are really rude. Not long ago I had someone say "you must have just been falling out of your mum by the end..." ??!!!

The "don't your parents have a TV?!" Is trotted out almost without fail.

However, people seem to feel entitled to comment on any aspect of having babies so I suppose this is just that same entitlement. People are generally irritating.

Congratulations

The environmental point is a very real one. Having a large family is literally the worst thing you can do for the environment. People get very defensive about that, but it's undeniable.

On the other hand, we're biologically programmed to want to have more children, so difficult to reconcile a deep biological with a very rational urge.

I grew up in Ireland and double digit families were common. I'm one of three and that was a tiny family. My best friend in primary school came from a family of 14. And I do believe that damaged her somewhat, but 14 is hardly comparable with 6.

Brand, I feel for you.

Both my parents come from very large families (pre effective contraception but my grandparents also thought having a big family was nice). I think it's very easy to say "oh but the children would like more children around" but it's not reality.... Part of having children is making decisions for them, and when they are young they might think that - but when they are older they may feel miserable about being part of such a large family.

I used to come back from visiting houses with large families and thank my lucky stars that wasn't my life (I have my sis and that's great, we love each other loads, but I think we'd have been fine as only children and I never understand why people are so anti- having just one child).

also, the spread of time might seem easy now but it's going to be a lot harder later and both my parents felt strongly about how that panned out in their families.

I never watched the Waltons but I am curious now!!

Congratulations littlehouse, I'm so so pleased for you.
My older sister has ten children, I remember her being pregnant with her (I think) 7th and her confiding in me that my mum wasn't excited for her, instead expressed shock and horror. It really brought it home to me that this might be a few children down the line, but this was a brand new pregnancy for her and my BIL and a brand new baby to love. I was in my 20's and had joked with her and said something along the lines of "Jesus Christ, woman!" But her obvious hurt made me feel ashamed of myself.
You sound like amazing parents, have this one, then have another if you so wish, it's nobody's business but yours.
I also remember my mum giving me a dressing down when I told her I was pregnant with my DD, this was three years after losing my premature twin girls and I already had two boys. She told me three babies was too many and did I want to be like my sister. I never did ask her what she thought I'd have done, had my twins lived. Maybe I'll ask her one day.

I think it's socially irresponsible to have that many children in 2017, so I would be internally judgemental about your decision to continue having children "just because" you want to.

But I wouldn't verbalise it.

I don't think there is any possible way that you could give a child the care, time and attention they need when they are 1 of 6.

You might not be able to but plenty of people can.

I wouldn't make negative comments about people with only children or make assumptions about how they are raised, but many MNers are as happy as Larry to tell people with lots of children that they aren't giving them the care and time they need.

The poster above who said she went years without a conversation 1-1 with her mother? That is shit, but that is more down to poor parenting. I manage to talk to my children 1-1 all the bloody time, because I make sure it happens and I prioritise it.

I agree Brad, parents of large families see what they want to see.

If their adult chidren could be honest with them I'm sure they would tell a very different story.

For me it wasn't lack of one to one conversations, it was so much more than that. With every new baby it meant less time, money, activities were pretty much non existent, housework and looking after the younger ones increased, no privacy. no travel ... the list goes on.

My saving grace was school, it was my sanctuary wh I was free to be s child. I left home at eighteen and despite a struggle for a few years in was the best decision I ever made.

Having six children is an indulgence that just shouldn't be happening in a modern country. that's my opinion. And how long before the state will have to step in and do something about it. Because people won't be responsible themselves. Sorry but I think it's incredibly selfish.

Congratulations OP!!

Christ some people on here must be related to chairman Mao.. How would you like it if someone basically told you your baby shouldn't be here. Fucking disgusting quite frankly.

because life is just much more fun when you have siblings around !

Absolutely wasn't, my brother was horrible, I much preferred when I was an only child to being woken up at 7am and being wound up for 10 years of my life.

How much does a pregnancy cost the NHS, from your initial GP visit to delivery?