To think that he should look after her sometimes?

[Dolwar]

I work in a mainly female team and there are 2 who have young children under the age of 2. With it being winter obviously they have caught bugs from nursery and need to stay home. Fair enough. Both these women are married with working husbands and we are often only staffed enough for 1 person per area in what can be a very demanding and stressful job. My issue is that every time the child is ill it is ALWAYS one of these women who stays at home never their OH. One of the husbands does the exact same job as us but in a different department so is just as essential in work the other I'm not entirely sure but it's office based. AIBU to think that maybe they should share the sick days? So that we are not always the ones struggling with lack of staff?

I think you have to ignore the fact you know where the husband works and the fact that he could do it as that is overstepping the boundaries of your relationship and is potentially unfair because if he didn’t work there you would not know.

So I think you need to have a look at your benefits in relation to time off (speak to hr) and I think you could feedback it’s unpaid or needs to be holiday

That doesn’t solve the resourcing problem though Quartz

We take it in turns usually, depends what we have on at work that day and where the impact of us missing work would be less.

Some days we have both really needed to be in work and so we’ve drawn straws!

She can on,y go on the hr policy - if a certain number of days triggers a review ecause of the resourcing issue

@Happydoingitjusttheonce if the woman is allowed to take the time under the works policies then she’s not doing anything wrong. If she’s taking too much time then op needs to speak to management I suppose.

Op how many days have these women taken off? Is it in line with your HR policy?

Agree kaytee. I work in private sector and policies not as generous as public sector. We struggle with unplanned/unpaid leave as it leaves the team short.

Totally agree with OP. The world has a helluva long way to go before we attain equality.

I am a mum and used to be the main earner and the one with the most demanding role. DH worked but as his work was less demanding he saw more of the children. If they were sick, I would always try to take time off to care for them. I saw little enough of them and so it was important to me that I was there for them for things like assemblies/school events and sickness.

People definitely judged this decision making at my work. but quite frankly I worked bloody hard and sacrificed enough family timefor my career. Spending time looking after my children when they were sick was always my priority and it’s a shame people felt the need to question that.

It’s their decision and it shouldn’t be judged.

We split it between us, but both of us can also work from home. So I can still do stuff when DS is sick so my team aren't dumped on as a result.

Migraleve - do you never have a conversation that goes like this...
Me: 'DS is ill today, he needs to stay at home. What have you got on at work today?'
DH: 'I've got a couple of meetings this morning that I really can't miss, but I can come home this afternoon'
Me: 'OK - I've got a meeting this morning that I can re-arrange for this afternoon'
Do you never ever factor work into your decisions? I'm glad I don't work with you.

Itsgoodtobehome- that’s how we work. However I teach so it’s difficult as I can’t rearrange things. I look at classes that have exams coming up so really can’t be missed, or classes I know I missed last time DS was sick!

@Lucked yes it probably would still be me that called in. My daughter has a chest infection at the moment and is very poorly although a lot better than she was late last week. I don’t want to be away from her. I called in on Monday morning and worked from home. I would have preferred to take it off, however, there was something quite important to do so I made sure it was done. Also, in my case calling in is not something that happens often and I’m entitled to a reasonable amount of leave to care for my child at my company. I will be honest and say that as a senior manager, prior to having my daughter I privately didn’t feel kindly to this rule! Now that I am on the other side I am beyond grateful for it. I think the only time I would suggest my DH call in is if I had an important work meeting that I shouldn’t miss.

Clearly this is strange to most posters on this thread but it works for us.

You’ve got a staffing issue if this is causing problems. Do you only employ parents who have other parents on hand? I really can’t see that it’s for you to say anything.

Magic numbers you have missed the point. Op is talking about 2 parents with the same job

Migraleve - do you never have a conversation that goes like this...
Me: 'DS is ill today, he needs to stay at home. What have you got on at work today?'
DH: 'I've got a couple of meetings this morning that I really can't miss, but I can come home this afternoon'
Me: 'OK - I've got a meeting this morning that I can re-arrange for this afternoon'
Do you never ever factor work into your decisions? I'm glad I don't work with you.

No I don’t. Work is the very least important factor in the decision. The convo usually goes along the lines of ‘child is ill, I best stay home’ or ‘other child is ill, you best stay home’.**

We factor In what’s best for the child and the circumstances of that particular day as there may be other factors to consider. But no, what’s going on at work isn’t important. I am never going to choose to leave my child because I don’t want to piss my boss or colleagues off. It’s tough shit. It’s life. People get sick. Work is a means to an end, my family, that’s my life. Not my job.

Maybe it’s an age thing because years ago I was stupid enough to be loyal to employers. All it taught me was that we are just a number. Well this number decideds who stays home with sick child and gives no fucks about the work aspect.

I should add though, I’m not important enough to have meetings

Itsgoodtobehome that’s exactly what we have always done. There was a period where we both worked for the same company in the same office, and I tended to take the time off if needed then - not because I was the mother but because my husband’s role required his immediate presence whereas a day off for me just meant that my work would build up in my tray and could be caught up later, usually.

It hasn’t always been this way though, and dh has done his share during periods of time when his job was less hands on. Our division of labour with sick kids has always primarily been a business-related decision.

That said we are equal parents and I have no qualms about leaving my children in his care when they are unwell.

Work is the very least important factor in the decision. The convo usually goes along the lines of ‘child is ill, I best stay home’ or ‘other child is ill, you best stay home’.*

We factor In what’s best for the child and the circumstances of that particular day as there may be other factors to consider.*

I suppose the difference in our family is that neither parent is best for the child, we are pretty much interchangeable.

You don't have any business telling anyone else how they should parent (and it's quite likely that your co-workers want to stay home). But apart from that, yes, all other things being equal, parents with equally flexible jobs with exactly the same consequences for illness should share leave time to care for children. My dh and I generally share it mostly equally, depending on who is more busy on a given day. But the nature of our work is that I am salaried and no one cares if I take time off (it's paid leave and no one asks me any questions). My dh is self-employed. A day off is unpaid. So it makes sense for me to always do it frankly, but we still don't. There's no telling who has the more stressful day on any given day and we share it depending on who has the most commitments that day, even when it means lost income. But that may not be as easy for anyone else, especially who can't lose income in a given month.

Dh and I both work and take it in turns with dc being off sick. Of course we consider out work commitments that day. Some days dh works from home, others he has back to back meetings. Some days I teach, some I'm in the office.

I suppose the difference in our family is that neither parent is best for the child, we are pretty much interchangeable.

We are not. DH, myself and the children are all very different people. I would actually. hate to be interchangeable with my DH. We both offer something different, must be incredibly boring to be like carbon copies of each other.

Of course on a practical level we can clean up sick and look after our children as well as each other, but it’s not all about practicalities.

Migraleve it’s not boring as we aren’t carbon copies . It’s just that the we are both equally practically capable and the kids would have no overriding preference for either of us. They’d be happy either way.

I misunderstood. We are also equally capable.

Work is the very least important factor in the decision. The convo usually goes along the lines of ‘child is ill, I best stay home’ or ‘other child is ill, you best stay home

Great you can think like that. Not everyone can. As paying the bills is pretty important to us.

Can I ask if you have children? It’s impossible to explain to a small sick child that they can’t have mummy (if that’s who they want), when they get older then it may be easier to explain

Yes it is impossible. but sometimes it's the way it has to be!