To think that he should look after her sometimes?

[Dolwar]

I work in a mainly female team and there are 2 who have young children under the age of 2. With it being winter obviously they have caught bugs from nursery and need to stay home. Fair enough. Both these women are married with working husbands and we are often only staffed enough for 1 person per area in what can be a very demanding and stressful job. My issue is that every time the child is ill it is ALWAYS one of these women who stays at home never their OH. One of the husbands does the exact same job as us but in a different department so is just as essential in work the other I'm not entirely sure but it's office based. AIBU to think that maybe they should share the sick days? So that we are not always the ones struggling with lack of staff?

But answering your question yes ywbu to mention that dad takes his turn. It is not your place to say so at work unless you were a manager or a particularly close friend

Surely Carers Leave has to be with the approval of the employer? The employer may be very short staffed or working on something critical so can quite rightly ask if there is anyone else available to look after the child?

Our policy is to allow you time to find alternative care in an emergency, but some staff do use it as 5 days extra annual leave.

Our policy is to allow you time to find alternative care in an emergency
That’s our policy but I know my employers are flexible as we don’t have back up (no family to support and all local friends work or are on days off with small children). I know people talk about emergency nannies on here but we looked into it and it’s not a thing in our area.

JPaula, not sure your kids will appreciate you more if you shag your coach but your forehand should go from strength to strength, crack on!!

Nope not at all. Neil is great.

My dd1 would much prefer DH (although he is not terribly practical where illness is concerned speaking after my own bout of Noro earlier in the year) but dd2 would much rather have me. However we are both self employed so we just have to sort out leaving ourselves short and work out which of us can be more easily missing that day

If my DD is ill enough to warrant a sick day from nursery then I am always the parent that stays home to look after her. My DH would be happy to and I know that my DD would be happy enough with Daddy, however, when she is sick I can’t leave her. When she is sick I want to be the one to comfort her and to make sure she is ok, I would worry to much if I was away from her when she was ill.

All parents in Norway with children under 13 have a right to 10 days paid leave from work for caring for sick children (assuming both parents work).

Then again, both parents have to take at least three months parental leave (or lose some of the designated year off they share) so the children are used to being cared for by either parent. Here it’s far more likely for the leave to be equally shared. The UK remains far more traditional. To change it will probably require changes to employment laws. Not likely any time soon. It has changed my husband’s attitude enormously living here.

Hmm I don’t think you are BU but then on the other hand in my last job I got paid for carers leave and my DP doesn’t, it’s a no brainer then it would be me who takes the time off.

I agree. I do once remember asking a trainee (as her friend not her boss)if her husband couldn't take some time as she was missing a lot of important stuff in the run up to an exam and she said " He's got work" I had to point out she did too. They have the same qualifications!

In our house we share it, not necessarily evenly it depends what the 'day' in question looks like.

I have a lot of men on my team whose wives don't work. I was delighted one of my male colleagues whose wife does work operates a similar system to us. I do remember the surprised/confused look which passed over our bosses face the first time he pointed out he would've be in the following day as his wife had taken that day off and needed to be back at work. I don't think it had ever happened before we started.

Sammysays even if she was on the mend but you had to wait the 48hrs to go back to nurseryafter D&V. Wouldn't you share some of that with your DH?

Me and Dh take it in turns...swapping if there is a genuine need.

Op, your’re completely right. And from a management persective it makes women seem flakey and unreliable in the workplace compared to men.

Just curious do you know for a fact that the other parent never looks after their child when they are sick? It could well be that the child has a weak immune system so gets sick a lot and both parents take turns, I am guessing you don't know if the fathers are at work or not? As for the time one of them left early to pick up the child when the father wasn't at work.....could the father have had an important medical appointment? be helping a sick relative or sitting by his parents deathbed?
Don't pretend to know everything that is going on.
One time my daughter was sick at school, both my e and I worked at the same place and he was not in that day and I needed to leave early to pick my daughter up. My boss quite rudely said 'make her dad pick her up'. I was forced to explain that my ex's sister had been in a car accident the night before and was not expected to last the day. I was not about to make him leave her bedside to keep my boss happy.

I must be a right meanie because it would never occur to me to give DS the choice of who stayed off with him if he was off sick. We look at my day and dh’s day and then go from there.

YANBU. I really don't get why people don't take it in turns. Yes DS would prefer it to be me every time but I have to consider the bigger picture- that if it were me every time then my job would be at risk.

Kids can't have everything they want all the time. Just like he can't have me always put him to bed!

Neither DH nor I get official carers leave but we both have employers that are flexible and tolerate emergencies if we don't take the piss.

So we share duties looking after sick children and impact on work is normally the key factor we take into account. We often tag team (one working 5am till noon, the other 2pm till 9pm) if we both need to be in work.

In my view showing that we are both committed to parenting and that we will try to minimise the impact on our jobs is what makes our employers willing to offer us the flexibility to make this work.

I will always be the one to take the time off, I work 10 mins away, DH is a HGV driver and could be anywhere! Plus he earns a lot more than me, so he needs to be working!

I think hotpink’s final comment highlights the problem for employers. From the family’s POV it’s logical for the higher wage earner to be more committed to their job but the employer of the lower wage earner also requires commitment in order to keep things running and the family income is of no concern to that employer. I worked with a chap who was frequently needing to stay off due to a family emergency, often things in a similar vein to his sister’s boyfriend’s uncle receiving an upsetting diagnosis. He continually put these things first. That’s his right but it did affect his performance and prevented his progress

I would say I understand where you’re coming from but it’s not really your business.

My ds 16mo has been ill for a week and screams when anyone except me holds him.

It’s sounds like the child in question is young if you’re saying they’re on solids which is a term I’d use for a baby (although they can be on solids and bf at the same time btw and your staff member might not tell you if she is bf).

Can I ask if you have children? It’s impossible to explain to a small sick child that they can’t have mummy (if that’s who they want), when they get older then it may be easier to explain.

Kaytee I suspect OP knows that but is exasperated at being repeatedly let down by her team member.

The problem is that all of these "well my child only wants me" comments perpetuate the issue to a large extent.

There needs to be a far more robust and supportive system in place that allows parents - including those employed on a short term basis - to care for their child. That doesn't mean that this system should be used by the mother every time. It's something of a vicious circle, whereby the woman takes time off on maternity leave, the child recognises her as the main carer and in response she is the one to go part time, take time off from work and so on - and her career and thus earning potential is effectively compromised as a result.