In what circs would you tell off someone else's child...

[Frege]

Particularly when the parent isn't there?

We were at school breakfast this morning. The boy ahead of us in the queue to be served was appallingly rude and dismissive to the dinner lady- barking orders, no pleases or thank yous etc. No particular thing that you could have pointed at as being actively wrong (he didn't swear at her, for example) but just a rude attitude. I'd be mortified if my kids behaved like that.

I've known this boy, vaguely, for years. He's now 10yo. His mother had dropped him off and gone to work so wasn't present.

WWYD?

If I had been the dinner lady I wouldn't have served him.
Hate bad manners.

Nothing, because the dinner lady is a grown woman who should have told him off herself, or refused to serve him.

If someone's child was being nasty to another child in front of me, I would definitely tell them off.

Nothing. It's up to the dinner lady to say something if she's upset about it. You really don't have a right to interfere particularly if that dc hasn't been left in your care.

I would have quietly said “do you think that’s a nice way to talk to Mrs X?” If he was contrite I would have asked him to apologise.

If his answer was cheaply/rude I would have gone and found a staff member and told them.

If what a child was doing was negatively affecting me or my child I would step in. Or if the child was endangering themselves.
In your situation I would have left it to the dinner lady who will be well used to dealing with the kids and will know more about them than you (mild sn for eg that you may not be aware of knowing him vaguely).

If the dinner lady is too shy to say anything, it isn’t right to just let this child get away with it.

Nothing- it was up to the dinner lady I think.

DH told off a child at soft play the other day, but that’s because the child in question was deliberately (and repeatedly) trying to push over toddler DS. I think if a child is being physically rough, or bullying another child, I would intervene.

Oh and I'd tell off a child for being mean to another child if there was no one else around to tell them as well.

What did you do op?

Definitely no SN. Vaguely possibly understated it- we've had him round for playdates in the past etc and I know his mum well but he isn't a very close friend of my DD.

Thanks all. Can't imagine this particular dinner lady ever saying anything. It's a tricky one.

Not in that situation. The situation was between the dinner lady and the child. Nothing to do with me.

The only time I have really, really told off somebody else’s child was was when he and my son, both 6, were mucking about, screaming and kicking do much in the back of my car o couldn’t concentrate on driving. I was bringing them home from Beavers. I’ve love this child (and his parents!) since he was 6 months old and babysit for him too. His party’s aregood friebds. I felt hus mum wouldn’t have tolerated that behaviour either, and would have been happy for her to have told my son off in the same situation with her driving.

In every circumstance.

CBF, I didn't do anything but am now wishing I had.

I wouldn't tell off someone else's child unless they were doing something dangerous or hurting my DC. Even then, it wouldn't be a telling off, more of a "please don't hit, that's not very nice" sort of thing.

My child has mild sn and not every mum I know fairly well and who's house he has been to knows about it.
Since you seem to know him pretty well reminding him in a friendly way might have been appropriate. Something like 'I thought that was X for a minute but it can't be because he always says please and thank you!' might have helped him remember his manners.

I really wouldn't give it anymore thought op. I doubt uncorrected manners on one occasion is going to have a massive impact on anyone's life.

Are you a teacher or a parent OP?

TBH there’s few circumstances in which I wouldn’t correct bad behaviour of both adults and children. Doesn’t bother me a jot!

I would have said something. Absolutely would have done.

Takes a community to raise a child

I find a 'oo what would your mother do if she heard you speak like that
' helpful in these situations.

I avoid telling off other people's children if at all possible as it isn't my place, and I don't want any conflict with their parents.

I would only intervene if it was immediately needed for safety, or in a situation where I was responsible for the child. In this situation I would have allowed the dinner lady to deal with it.

If the dinner lady is too shy to say anything, it isn’t right to just let this child get away with it.

Then she's in the wrong job!

But maybe she reported him later.

If she's too shy to handle rude children, she needs to speak to her line manager, or ask the child's teacher to have a word.

I don't think random parents getting themselves involved is always a good idea.

It's potentially embarrassing for the dinner lady and could well escalate the situation.

I was a dinner lady and would have pulled a child up for rudeness - it's all part of upholding the values of the school.

When my children have friends over I treat them as my own. I've had kids refuse to help tidy up because "Guests don't help out" and told them in no uncertain terms that they help out in our house.

As a parent - if my child behaved like that I'd want them pulled up on it.

I would have said something but I'm a teacher so have no qualms about telling kids off!

Something along the lines of, "I'm sure Alfie didn't mean to be so rude to you Mrs X, did you Alfie?" with a stern look would have been perfect.

I understand completely when people don't get involved with things out on the street so to speak, but with a 10yr old child in a dinner queue? Takes a village. Little sod!