To find the demands for detailed Christmas lists annoying and exhausting?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

I have three dc and five nieces and nephews, as well as several adults to buy for. With my family and dc I have asked and been asked for vague suggestions and ideas for gifts, and I have chosen and bought things I think they will like as well as a few specific things they’ve asked for or mentioned throughout the year.

DH’s family do things very differently, they ask for and give very specific lists, I’m talking right down to catalogue numbers and Amazon links.

This year I have really struggled to buy for my kids, they all have everything they want or need really, but I’ve managed to cobble together enough.

But I now have to have the same conversations with MIL and SIL several times for the next few weeks. ‘What do you all want for Christmas?’ ‘Can we have your lists please?’. I’ve given them a few ideas but then they come back to me asking for specifics. Then they call DH and ask him the same. And of course the trouble with lists is then you have to ring round and find out who’s buying what. It’s all so complicated and it bugs me every single year.

I leave Dh’s family buying to him now because I find it a bit joyless, it’s just going through Amazon with a list. But I’ve done all my thinking for my kids and family and I don’t want to have to do MORE thinking for DH’s family. They know what the kids like and I’d much prefer it if they would just choose something lovely for them without me having to tell them the item, price and availability. And I don’t want to choose my own presents either! If I want specific things I tend to buy them, I want to be surprised at Christmas (or not get anything).

I know this is a bit grinchy of me. Also, I fell into the trap in the early years and gave them completed lists, and they bought EVERYTHING on them, which meant I had to do another round of thinking of things that we could get the kids.

I’m just exhausted by it all. AIBU?

This year I have really struggled to buy for my kids, they all have everything they want or need really,...

Seriously? So your children have everything they want and need, yet you expect more gifts from your in-laws?

Why not ask them to make a charity donation in your child's name or give the money to a homeless shelter or pet rescue, so someone else can have a nice Christmas?

Perhaps you could apply the same thinking to your own "struggles to buy". This is materialism gone mad.

God, I don’t expect presents at all. I’d rather do away with the whole thing. But that’s not up to me, and it wouldn’t be fair on anyone else.

What a bizarre post.

I do make hefty donations to charity by the way.

I much prefer detailed lists and links - saves me a heck of a lot of time and mental energy & conversations with my sister - 'might he like this, has he seen that' etc. Plus money doesn't get wasted on unwanted stuff.

Oh my god OP, I'm so glad to read this isn't just me!

My OH and I had an argument about this recently as he and his family (including his kids) are all about The List, whereas things are quite different in my family and it feels quite hurtful to me to not be able to put any thought into the gifts we're giving or getting.

Of course, in my family if somebody specifically wants something we'll suggest it to each other, but I feel like OH's family may as well just buy things for themselves and invoice us afterwards.

It just isn't in the spirit of Christmas, if you ask me!