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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Urgent- Misconduct

82 replies

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:25

Last Friday I took time off work, advising them that my DD(8) was unwell. She often suffers from this illness so work are used to me needing time to organise childcare when it crops up. The truth is I had the day off because I'm suffering from anxiety and depression after a traumatic event I'm not ready to tell anyone about. I'm so anxious work will see through my lies though. I'm due to start in 10 minuites and worried they will request to see my DD health records to prove I did need time off to get her seen by GP. Could they do this? (Please don't lecture me on using DD health issue or about lying, I know how wrong this was. That's why I'm so worried and upset).

OP posts:

Original poster

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:47

I should have done. But my work have triggers for absences- I'm one day of the trigger. That's why I lied but it makes it worse. I can't keep doing this anymore.

OP posts:

namechange2222 · 20/11/2017 10:47

Could you share what's going on with your GP? It may be that the GP would consider you not fit enough to work atm. Would a week off help you to come to some decisions about things that are clearly impacting on you?

Original poster

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:49

My life is spiraling out of control and it's making me unfit to be in work. I know I'm a liability there. I know I take too much time off. There not going to support me for much longer and then where will we be?

OP posts:

ginswinger · 20/11/2017 10:50

Honestly, I don't think you're well enough to go to work today. Can you call in sick and put your feet up for a few days. Mental health is as important as physical health and you don't sound in a happy place.

Katescurios · 20/11/2017 10:50

You won't be fired for gross misconduct related to this!

They are really unlikely to ask for any proof if your daughters illness. I do however think you need to seek support for your anxiety.

Do you have an employee assistance plan as part of you'd benefits? If so call then it is completely annonymous , work don't fins out but you can access counselling by phone if that would be better for you than seeing your GP face to face.

Original poster

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 10:50

I've changed some details for security reasons but am still worried this could be found by people I don't want finding it. Can I delete?

OP posts:

BeetrootTart · 20/11/2017 10:50

Could you speak to work in confidence. Good support can come from the unlikeliest of places. If you tell them, they may be able to support you if you plan to leave your husband? If you get fired you may find yourself more isolated.

If work is usually supportive of your situation with DD you may be catastrophizing.

Please speak to someone.

RosaTheOwl · 20/11/2017 10:51

oh you lied to avoid the trigger - that makes sense.

I don't know your whole situation but if you are one day from needing to explain yourself in some kind of arena, then it is a good idea to have a think about how to proceed.

I hope everything works out well for you

Gonetogetgrandma · 20/11/2017 10:51

You won’t be fired for gross misconduct for taking time off to care for a child.

It’s sounds like you do need time off though to sort yourself out though. Please get some support, there is help out there for you.

NoSquirrels · 20/11/2017 10:52

Your anxiety is making this seem like a possibility. It is very unlikely they will ask to see your DD's health records.

It could be likely that they'd like to have a chat about what alternative plans you can put in place as it keeps cropping up - that would be perfectly reasonable.

If I were you, I would go into work now, ask to see your manager/HR straight away, tell them that your DD being ill has put you under a lot of stress over the weekend and you are suffering extreme anxiety today. That you feel you need to visit the GP, and have today off. Go to the GP and ask for help.

kaytee87 · 20/11/2017 10:54

Op you need to go to a doctor now to talk about your anxiety and get a sick line. You’re not fit to go to work.

hiyasminitsme · 20/11/2017 10:54

the thing is, you're entitled to sick leave (whether at SSP or more) but parental leave is more complicated - I understand why you did it but you're really making things worse. you need to be honest with them.

kaytee87 · 20/11/2017 10:55

Good advice from @NoSquirrels

NoSquirrels · 20/11/2017 10:56

Please do go to the GP. They can help you access all the support you need. And once you are signed off, work will have a process for supporting you too.

SparklingSnowfall · 20/11/2017 10:57

Oh OP, please do what NoSquirrels said, you sound very upset. They won't find out about your DD but it sounds like you really need to do something to help yourself. Go in, say you feel terrible to HR/your manager/whoever and then get yourself to a Dr.

ImAMarshmellow · 20/11/2017 10:59

Maybe speak to a dr if it’s safe or women’s shelter etc will be very discrete. If it’s an issue with your partner they will help you escape if that’s what’s needed.

If you want to get the thread deleted you can report the thread and it will let you type a message to mnhq. They will delete the thread and put a message up saying that you requested it to be removed.

Whatever you do OP, good luck

ifyoucantstandtheheat · 20/11/2017 11:02

Please go to your GP, you're not well enough to be at work.

Please tell your employer you are anxious. You don't need to give details.

Original poster

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 11:02

I've told work I'm sick and going home. Isn't pretending be ill also gross misconduct?

OP posts:

Mynametodaywillbe · 20/11/2017 11:04

OP by revealing your issues to your employer you will actually be protecting yourself. If you are certified as sick by your GP and your employer is aware then they have a responsibility to support you.

VioletHaze · 20/11/2017 11:04

Not if you are too unwell to work and it sounds like you are.

Moanyoldcow · 20/11/2017 11:05

You aren't pretending, you are clearly unwell. However work cannot support you if you are not honest with them.

Go to your GP and talk to them properly about what's wrong and then talk to someone at work (your line manager if possible) who will be sympathetic to explain.

You need support and there is no shame at all in that.

Mynametodaywillbe · 20/11/2017 11:05

Having anxiety/depression is being ill! Please see your GP.

gamerchick · 20/11/2017 11:07

You really NEED to make a GP appointment OP. You can avoid life because of your anxiety but you can’t hide from it for long.

Please go and see your GP.

NoSquirrels · 20/11/2017 11:07

You're not "pretending" to be unwell - you ARE unwell, it is coming across loud and clear to us over the internet.

You are in distress, you are upset and not thinking clearly. You need to go to the GP - please make an emergency appointment. Even if it worries you, you need RL support and it doesn't sound as if you will get that at home.

Stay safe, OP - for your DD's sake. She needs a mum to look after her, so you need to look after yourself.

Call the GP and see if they can help with your anxiety.

Original poster

Panickcrosse · 20/11/2017 11:09

I've now hit trigger for absence so will have a disciplinary meeting when I go back.

I will email to try and explain a bit. Don't think I could say anything to manager. I think they want me gone- my work has been poor for months and they will use me lying about my child as a way of doing that. But oh well. I swing from being devastated to not caring.

OP posts:

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