To be worried about friend who’s in love with a prostitute

[Malpais]

I have a close friend who I’ve known most of my life and see several times a year for drinks or dinner either just us or with my DP. About a year ago my friend started talking about a girl he was seeing - I was really happy for him, he seemed head over heels and has never had a serious relationship. We extended all invitations to her but the usual response is “I don’t think she’d want to do that”.

A few months ago while drunk, he confessed to DP she is a prostitute and made him promise not to tell me (I’ve told DP it wasn’t acceptable to betray his trust, but the damage is done). I assumed that was simply her line of work which tbh I don’t have any issue with, not my business.

However I saw this friend on Saturday and I casually enquired after her. He said he had seen her the week before, told me about the gifts he’d bought her for Christmas. I asked if he’d stayed with her (she lives local to me, he does not) but no he had stayed in a hostel. I know she owns a flat he has mentioned being there before. I was particularly concerned when he mentioned cashing in all his shares.

It’s really none of my business but I think he’s being fleeced by this woman. I know that may just be her job, but I’m haunted by the way he speaks about her. It sounds just like true love. Except I’m pretty sure he only sees her when hes paying for her time. There’s no way I can talk to him without ruining our friendship is there?

I take it his a fan of Pretty Woman?

He sounds deluded, but I have no sympathy for a man who pays for sex. However, I'd be concerned that he might start harassing this woman, he sounds obsessed.

I think he is quite clear about her intentions and she about his. I am sure he is paying for the time spent with her and knows it is a business transaction. So he is quite happy to pay a woman for her services. You have made your feelings on this perfectly clear to him, so he didn't tell you. It is a shame your DP didn't. Just drop this creep.

Being fleeced? Oh please! She's doing a job and he's an idiot. If he had any respect for women in general he wouldn't see a prostitute anyway.

This.

There are something like 70,000 prostitutes in the UK. You have to be incredibly sheltered to think this guy or the woman he's involved with are personally identifiable from this story.

Yes because all 26 year old men living in tiny rural towns, cash in their shares, buy Christmas presents for the prostitute they've fallen in love with and they always tell the partner of their close friend about it.

Clearly I'm talking about the personal details here.

Yeah I agree he’s obsessed rather than in love.

My only advice as a ‘friend’ would be that he really, really needs therapy to address his dependence on the sex industry and totally distorted views of women. He has major problems and this obsession is the symptom not the cause.

Yes because all 26 year old men living in tiny rural towns, cash in their shares, buy Christmas presents for the prostitute they've fallen in love with and they always tell the partner of their close friend about it

But only those 3 know and the 2 guys aren’t likely to be on here.

Why do you care so much?

What are you talking about 'why do I care so much'?

It's a chat forum and like you, I'm errr...chatting.

Why do you care so much?

I also find it really creepy that he's referring to her as his "girlfriend". Someone touched on this above. Sounds stalkerish.

I don't know how you can go to the pub and have a drink with someone who organises professional meet-ups at a strip club then tells you lies about how a sex worker is actually his girlfriend.

Maybe the women who are turned off by his compliments and being a bit too friendly are just sensing something untoward which you seem to have missed.

I don’t that’s why I said what I did.

It's OP who said I’m worried that DP and I are the only people who know. Now the 20 of us commenting and the 1,428 who read the thread know. Soon the 439,783 who read the Daily Wail will know, too, TatianaLarina.

Your friend pays women for sex and you are worried about hurting his feelings because your dp betrayed his trust!! I think you can discount his morality here.
Just say your dp told you, and blah blah what your concerns are.

You've lost me now Tatiana

Mind you, you lost me when you said "But only those 3 know and the 2 guys aren’t likely to be on here."

I mean considering I said it may end up in the Daily Mail or Matthew Wright's show - not that the guys are likely to be Mumsnetters...

That’s not what OP was referring to Pax, she was concerned that she and DP were the only ones who know because it means this guy is living in an isolated fantasy world.

You've lost me now Tatiana

This doesn’t surprise me. Why not go and post on the DM if you’re so preoccupied with it.

Some men so deluded that they think they are different from the ordinary punter and have a real relationship, suppose she never buys him a present or pays for dinner etc. Deserve what they get imo.
Nothing to do with being young or black or living in the country, get a grip for goodness sake.

So they are they in a relationship and she works as a prostitute or is he paying to see her and calling her a girlfriend?

That’s about the level I had you down at.

Oh chill out and cheer up Tatty.

Honestly no need to be so prickly.

Apologies OP for taking your thread on a tangent

She is a businesswoman, selling sexual services. He appears to be a regular, satisfied customer. No-one is being 'exploited'.

As long as she is paying her taxes, what exactly is the problem here?

The bullying on here is awful is there any need for it. You want to shut down another's opinion.

“Bullying” really ??

Reminds me of when I went to a strip club and a man was complaining that he’d paid a dancer £500 to sleep with him at the end of the night but she’d fucked off home. He was told it was against policy to pay the dancers money directly and booted out. Tough luck I’m afraid OP, making men feel they like them is just part of their job.

I think he's bullshitting you both!

About a year ago my friend started talking about a girl he was seeing... he has never had a serious relationship
I doubt very much he's in any kind of normal relationship with her let alone a serious one.

A few months ago while drunk, he confessed to DP she is a prostitute.....I asked if he’d stayed with her but no he had stayed in a hostel. I know she owns a flat he has mentioned being there before

I think he's paying an escort for her services and pretending she's his 'girlfriend'.
Sometimes clients will visit them in a designated flat (referred to as an 'in-call'), this would explain him only having been there 'once'.
Usually they see clients in either their homes or hotel rooms etc, which is probably why he stayed in the 'hostel'.

He's obviously got some serious issues going on and needs help dealing with them.
I doubt very much she's trying to fleece him.....more like he's fallen for her and thinks if he throws money at her she will eventually fall for him as well.

Somebody needs to have a very frank talk with him and pull him out of this fantasy world he's created for himself.