...to speak to the nursery about how they speak to my DD

[eminthebigsmoke]

My DD2 is 3, and has always worn a variety of different clothing. Recently she has started to wear dresses more often, and I have noticed that when she arrives at nursery in a dress, the staff make a fuss of how pretty she looks.

I can't help thinking that this is serving to make a link between how she dresses and how much/what kind of attention she gets. I really don't want this to be a message she gets at all, let alone at the age of three.

DD1 is in school, and I have never seen a teacher comment on a child's appearance (I think the fact they're in uniform helps).

AIBU to consider speaking to the nursery about it? I don't want them to stop doing things to build her confidence, but I would rather it was based on her trying new things or putting in effort rather than how pretty they think she looks.

So as not to drip feed, one of the staff commented to me two weeks ago that DD2 behaves differently when she puts on a dress in dressing up - which I'm sure is mostly about the fact she's role playing - but it got me thinking about whether it's the dress, or people's reaction to her in a dress that is making the difference.

I can't believe those evil witches are being sweet to your child- by pass them all go straight to ofsted!!

*waist, not waste!

Work In a setting to.

It's just something to complement and ingage with the children with. If had both girls and boys come show me their tops trainers... their proud and they are still learning ownership. I'll say that's pretty , funky, cool or you look handsome.
It boost confidence to. It's be werid to say you look very well presented today and the child would habe no clue to what you are saying.

I can kind if see what you are saying but I wouldn't say anything because. 1 their likely to forget. 2 there's absolutely no harm in it.

As long as you dish out compliments in equal measure about how 'clever' 'kind' 'funny' she is, reminding her how much you value her mind and personality she'll be fine.

It's bed not to overthink these things and cause a scene with the nice nursery staff

As long as you dish out compliments in equal measure about how 'clever' 'kind' 'funny' she is, reminding her how much you value her mind and personality she'll be fine

This is a really valid point. I compliment my kids if they look smart or have made a real effort with their appearance, but I also make a point of praising hard work, empathy, kindness, good work at school, doing their best and lots of other positives. As long as it’s balanced I reckon it’s fair enough.

I see your point and I have to agree. I don't have kids but I always make a point to never comment on how my friend's daughters look, as opposed to how they act.

It's almost automatic to say to a little girl, 'oh don't you look pretty today', whereas people hardly ever comment on how boys look. Over time I do think this contributes to girls/women thinking that the way they look is more important than what they have to say or how they act.

I think there is a difference between ‘you look pretty’ because you are wearing a dress. To ‘that’s a nice dress’

I think giving and accepting compliments is a life skill actually. So accept the compliment graciously.

At home, obviously reinforce your own values - but you can't insist everyone does the same.

Actually "life skill" is overstating it

But it's a social skill.

I think people don't comment on boys clothes as regularly as girls wearing a dress, only because boys clothes don't look so special no matter how expensive their jumpers were. If the boys wear smart looking clothes, I am sure people would comment how smart they look, or how handsome they are in those clothes, surely?

People comment on my ds saying what a handsome chap/bobby dazzler etc when he is dressed formally and I swell with pride he is a gorgeous boy but when he’s dressed up it’s lovely to hear this.
But I agree little girls clothes always have something more outstanding about them their party dresses etc and I love buying them for my baby neice and hearing people comment doesn’t she look gorgeous. Because it’s true she does

Another nursery worker. Often a comment on clothes is just a way of starting conversations with children. I have had long conversations about socks and lunch boxes. Dresses are fine at nursery if they are the practical type that can get dirty and be climbed in frilly fusey dresses not so good. My pet hates are dungarees as few children can manage them in the toilet and the straps sometimes go into the toilet. And sandles they are not suitable for outside play as feet get hurt. More girls than boys are sent in sandles they are unable to play properly this really disadvantages girls. Boys running around playing, girls sitting quietly playing because of their shoes.

Thesmallyhings but they are only saying it when she wears a dress. REinforcing gender stereotypes, thats the issue, nog the fact the child is being complemented in itself