to want to give my two year old the best Christmas ever

[mancmama1614]

When I was a little girl, growing up my parents were really poor. However they saved all year for Christmas and used to spend up to £1k on each of us so we had loads of Christmas presents to open. We made loads of family Christmas memories too (Disney on ice, Christmas Eve hampers, eve-of-the-eve-of-Christmas-eve presents) and I look back on those Christmases with the fondest of memories.
Now, I am in a similar position to what my mum and dad were in when they were younger; my partner earns a good salary (I am a SAHM) however we are paying off quite hefty debts from our hedonistic twenties 🙄 so we are strictly on a tight budget.
AIBU to still go what some people would class as overboard at Christmas? So far the presents I have bought him are about 35 in total, I have spent about £350-£400 (don't count) but still want to get him all the clangers merchandise which will be another £150.
Added to this there will be visits to the santa train, Christmas parties at all the playgroups we go to and a winter wonderland trip.
His birthday is in January and we would like to have a big party for him and all his friends and also buy about 10-15 presents for that too.
Can I just add we aren't taking out any credit for this because I wouldn't be accepted for any anyway
All I see on Facebook and in the news are people only buying their kids one present, letting the grandparents pick up the slack or following that bloody soulless four gift rule.
Not buying for adults this year and me and my partner aren't buying for each other but we are buying for kids of friends.
Does anyone else do a Christmas like this when they are on a bit of a budget? Or any free trip ideas (ideally in Manchester) to add an extra special touch?

We have a great Christmas. We do secret Santa so very few presents. Father Christmas appearing in the garden in the dark is what gets the grandchildren really excited.

If youre really honest, is it about the best Christmas for HIM or about the feeling of "Im the best mum because I bought him every single thing I could find" for YOU?

Buying things can be a bit of an addiction and excitement thrill in itself, is it that feeling of "being able to buy everything" that youre really enjoying? You say you had hedonistic twenties that youre still paying off, is this just a way of continuing to spend crazy amounts of money because now you can say "its not for me, its for HIM"?

Scabbersley, it's your rigid thinking that's the problem.

There are a million different ways of showing love, obviously, where did I ever suggest anything different?

But for some, and this is often true of those who grew up without much, presents mean a lot at Christmas. If you think about it, excess is baked into our christmas culture across gifts, food, drink, TV, experiences, you name it.

Now, there's a lot of middle class backlash against excessive present giving in particular (though interestingly not normally against excessive eating and drinking). Fine, the world has moved on, these things are not in short supply, we don't need a toy binge at christmas, but old associations die hard. This is what the OP herself associates with 'special' Christmases. It's not unusual to fall back into this thinking for your own child. And she's not rejecting experiences at all.

I too think the OP is misguided, simply because her DC is too young and will be overwhelmed. But I can absolutely see it's driven by love.

Your choice, but I think spending hundreds of pounds on toys for a 2 year-old is ridiculous. Of course he'll be excited. Any two year-old would be excited at opening parcels with pretty much anything in them. The excitement wears off very quickly, as will the novelty of the toys when there are too many of them and he gets bored with the Clangers and moves onto the next thing. My parents weren't poor and neither are we, but we don't spend hundreds per child on presents. And at the idea of a Christmas without excessive materialistic consumption being 'soulless'.

As for the harsh replies - why would you post such a question on AIBU if you didn't want to know what people thought?

When my children were little the thing that made Christmas for them was their parents and grandparents making time to play board games with them and teach them Cards.

Spending so much money is just unnecessary.

there's a lot of middle class backlash against excessive present giving

I can promise you it's not just "middle class" backlash, LaurieMarlow.

Go for the experience. Have a fantastic time. Lots of love. No stress. Get the food from M&S or whatever so na hassle in the kitchen. Watch some cartoons with him. Make some tree decorations with him and get him to put them on the tree himself.
There's absolutely no need to overdo it on the presents. He won't understand.
The worst mistakes parents can make is trying to overcompensate on their own bad memories and experience.

As point of interest, £1000 in 1992 (used 25 as a guessed age for OP) is worth £1971 today.

So if OP's parents were able to save close to £4k in today's money - assuming only 2 kids, but not sure from the OP - then no way were they "really poor"!

OP, you need to calm down. Freely spending time and attention is far more valuable than a ridiculous heap of tat that will be forgotten by 1st January.

It’s pretty insulting to say you grew up poor to had 1k spent at Christmas. I barely had much growing up 20-30 max spent on his depending on what type of year my dp had. They never got each other stuff for years. My Mam had the same coat for 8 years. I spend 120 on each dc (I have 3) this year I’ve got quite a lot for the price we paid for them last year they got much more but we had more money it doesn’t make their Christmas how much they get but being together as a family.

Oh and I got a tenner for my birthday also in January as did my brother

I have honestly never understood the piles of presents = best Christmas.

Yes our dd’s get quite a few presents (nowhere near 35/40) but that doesn’t mean our Christmas is any better than the families who chose to use the 4 present ‘rule’.

To me the best part of Christmas is spending time and making memories as a family.

One of my DC have their birthday 3 days after Christmas and they have never received a joint present (although I know it happens). It was something we nipped in the bud before she was even born - she was due early January.

My happiest Christmas memories are nothing to do with the presents - they’re about the fun spent with family, seeing all my cousins and playing mad games with them, having special food and decorating the tree etc etc. There were a few presents over the years I really loved - once I got a bike, once a doll who I played with for years. I got a lot of other stuff but honestly don’t remember it now. I would have hated to think my parents were spending money they didn’t have, or could have spent on fun stuff over the year, just to give me a big pile to open when I wouldn’t really remember it or even care,

When I was a little girl, growing up my parents were really poor. However they saved all year for Christmas and used to spend up to £1k on each of us

No way can a family which is genuinely really poor spend thousands of pounds at Christmas. Especially not 10+ years ago. This is like when people with £80k salariess describe themselves as middle income? A family that can save £2k+ in a year does not meet any definition of 'really poor'.

You said you parents are poor but spent 1k on each of you so assuming you and a sibling they saved roughly £160 p/m Every month? Doesn’t sound very poor if you have that much spare cash.
Your in serious debt and your child is 2. He won’t have a bloody clue or remember opening 35 gifts on his 2nd birthday, by all means do lots of family trips out but just consider that your child won’t get as much out of 35 toys as they would out of 10 toys they truely love.
If people chose to only buy there kids a few bits then that’s their choice. We’re only getting my ds (1.5 at xmas) a few bits. He has loads of toys and I’m not buying stuff so I can brag about how much I love my child.
Use the cash to pay your debts of instead of hoards of toys.
No wonder people bought him 1 joint gift for the past 2 years, he sounds like he has every plastic item ever made toy.

I use the rhyme - but not to limit DD's gifts. I want to make sure that there is a mix of useful things, books, and fun things for her to open. Useful things like knickers but with patterns on them that Mum or Dad may not normally buy but are fun and bright and she would enjoy. Or, now that she's older, thermal layers for when she is doing her hobby (that we'd have to buy anyway but she enjoys getting as presents).

My parents always had at least 1 book per child for Christmas, even before reading age, and I think it's a great tradition to carry on.

But we also have a big focus on doing things together in December. Some cost a bit - others less or nothing. Yes, we've done Santa trains and Santa visits. But we've also made special Christmas cookies for bringing to crèche for their party. Made paper chains for decorating the hall. Taken her to do "her" Christmas shopping in town (on a day where I have nothing planned to buy - it's her day), but to get a present for her to give DH and Grandparents etc, to see the live Crib, and get a hot chocolate and a bun in a coffee shop to enjoy the atmosphere. A drive around one night after dark to see the houses lit up in the area. A carpet picnic, with squirty cream on hot chocolate, a pack of crisps (never normally allowed in the sitting room) and watching a Christmas movie together. A wintery walk to see what nature is doing (no leaves on the trees, very few animals around, but seeing footprints in mud and finding cones). Playing board games or card games together as a family. Dancing in the kitchen to cheesy Christmas tunes.

DD also has a birthday at that time of year.

Do keep some of the pile for the birthday - they don't all need to be for Christmas.

But at that age, it really is more about making memories with them and spending time with them than the pile of gifts. And it is also setting yourself up to "have to" do at least as well next year if you go overboard, and then what happens if your strict budgeting is upset for any reason?

I think you should reign back the presents a bit, even if the money isn't an issue - although it is!

Big piles of gifts are overwhelming. We had one family Christmas which people still remember for all the wrong reasons. Some family members went completely overboard, and the vast piles of gifts and food were just too much. Everyone else said afterwards that they actually felt a bit sick about it all.

There is such a thing as having too much, and it's not a nice feeling. It just hammers home how much waste and excessive consumption there is around Christmas. I'm not trying to be sanctimonious about it. We do have nice Christmases and spend a fair amount - I probably spend slightly more than I should, although never more than we can afford - but we're always conscious of not going completely overboard. The kids get nice presents, but not quite so many of them. If you buy absolutely everything to do with something they are into, I think it makes each individual gift just a bit less special.

Do the experiences. He'll remember those when he's forgotten every single gift.

All the Clangers merchandise because he loves the Clangers!

That doesn't mean you need to buy him ALL the stuff. He'll be just as happy with a couple of things.

The look on my sons face is more important to me than 'the environmental impact' (boxes get recycled anyway!?!)

Why have you put inverted commas around environmental impact as though it’s some kind of theory? And it’s not just about the boxes, are you pretending to be ignorant or are you really that unaware?

You are setting your son a really bad example, you have debts, pay those off first!! What happens if one of you gets ill and can’t work? The clanger toys arnt going to help when you can’t pay the mortgage. You are teaching your son the very opposite of what Christmas is about, it’s family and giving!! Not just giving to one person!!! Get a grip , choose 6 gifts to keep and try and return what you can, any left over can be donated to a woman’s refuge, those poor kids won’t be getting much at all!!!you think your giving your child a dream Christmas but just as it seems you’ve inherited your parents awful attitude to money , you’ll be passing it on to him

a TWO year old is going to get over 60 presents within one month?

that is actually obscene. That's not good memories, because they won't have any. That's just ridiculous. Pay off your debts and have a better lifestyle instead of this madness of saving up for an orgy of consumption that the kid won't even remember.

You are not being unreasonable to want to give him the best xmas. But you are being unreasonable if you think it is material things that make him happy. 35+ presents is obscene. And you are in debt..
Also, if decades ago, when you were a child your parents managed to spend a grand on each of you then you were not ' really poor'. Really poor is of course relative so you should count yourself lucky if you condsider that really poor.
It is the experiences, the time spent together, the family meals, games that make a magical xmas not plastic shit.

Do what you want, but Christmas to me is a feeling, it's memories made by doing the Christmas shopping with my Dad in Woolies, watching the lights being turned on, decorating the tree, putting a mince pie out for Santa, pulling the crackers, watching movies, driving around to look at all the houses lit up. That's what Christmas is to me, the mountains of presents? I don't remember them at all.

Exactly that. What I remember about childhood Christmases are the Christmas Eve walks, peeling sprouts with my Granny, the smell of the tree, the feeling of waking up a heavy stocking on my legs on Christmas morning...but not much of what was in it! I remember the odd thing, like the year we all got roller boots (#childofthe80s) but not much else about presents.

I had a conversation with DS (10) the other day about what he can remember from being small. He can't remember much about nursery and he was there until the started school at nearly 5! He can't remember his dad living with us (left when he was 4.5). That one made me a bit sad...But in general, he really can't remember much in detail before he was 5 or so. I'm not saying I regret doing all the nice things we did together before then obviously but it's really not worth going massively overboard on tiny children in the expectation that it'll create lasting memories.

Also I agree with pp who say if your parents could save that much over a year then they weren’t poor. They may have seemed poor over the rest of the year though because they were putting away so much for Christmas! In any case that’s up to them, but you say the reason you want to buy your son so many gifts is because your parents did that for you, however you’re in debt and they saved, so you’re not actually emulating them at all, you’re just doing it on credit!

Also the comment about four gifts being “soulless” - that’s rich coming from someone who seems to think Christmas is all about the quantity of stuff you get!

I am by no means poor but no way could I save up the equivalent of 2k per child for Christmas presents! Like everyone else has said, the magic doesn’t have to be in the gifts.

That said, they’re you’re dc and it’s your money so you should do what ever makes you and them happy, what anyone else thinks is not relevant.