to want to give my two year old the best Christmas ever

[mancmama1614]

When I was a little girl, growing up my parents were really poor. However they saved all year for Christmas and used to spend up to £1k on each of us so we had loads of Christmas presents to open. We made loads of family Christmas memories too (Disney on ice, Christmas Eve hampers, eve-of-the-eve-of-Christmas-eve presents) and I look back on those Christmases with the fondest of memories.
Now, I am in a similar position to what my mum and dad were in when they were younger; my partner earns a good salary (I am a SAHM) however we are paying off quite hefty debts from our hedonistic twenties 🙄 so we are strictly on a tight budget.
AIBU to still go what some people would class as overboard at Christmas? So far the presents I have bought him are about 35 in total, I have spent about £350-£400 (don't count) but still want to get him all the clangers merchandise which will be another £150.
Added to this there will be visits to the santa train, Christmas parties at all the playgroups we go to and a winter wonderland trip.
His birthday is in January and we would like to have a big party for him and all his friends and also buy about 10-15 presents for that too.
Can I just add we aren't taking out any credit for this because I wouldn't be accepted for any anyway
All I see on Facebook and in the news are people only buying their kids one present, letting the grandparents pick up the slack or following that bloody soulless four gift rule.
Not buying for adults this year and me and my partner aren't buying for each other but we are buying for kids of friends.
Does anyone else do a Christmas like this when they are on a bit of a budget? Or any free trip ideas (ideally in Manchester) to add an extra special touch?

MN is really showing its middle-class demographic with all the comments about the OP's parents not being poor. Is nobody aware that this was (is?) very common among working class parents: they buy £££s of presents from catalogues and pay it off the rest of the year, where they will live hand-to-mouth. My mum did it - single parent working minimum wage, renting, £0 in savings, literally hand-to-mouth. But every Christmas my brother and I had a £500 'budget' when writing our wishlists.

It's not smart and it's totally unnecessary - I can only remember a handful of the hundreds of presents I received, and my memories are of people and laughter - but it's a Thing. You're showing your ignorance to claim OP's parents can't have been poor.

Op i read all the comments and i dont see a lynch mob. You posted in AIBU asking about whether people think it is too much and now you mentioned that originally posted because you looked at the pile and thought it was small so you wanted to feel better about not being able to buy more. Every single poster told you that 35 plus presents is more than enough. You can feel better.

Also, to say that you feel grateful that your parents sacrificed everything they had so you could have everything you ever dreamed of ... and you want to do the same for your child. I dunno. Sounds very martyr- like.
And i think there should be a balance. Giving everything to a child they dream of can be counterproductive.
Siv Wiederberg, a swedish poet has a little poem that losely translates like this:
i used to collect stamps. Then dad bought me a whole bag of stamps. I dont collect stamps anymore..

Of course you want him to feel special. But you can do that every day. With the way you speak to him, the way you interact with him, the way you show an interest in his drawings etc
The 'bigger the pile the more special i am' is a slippery slope. What if next year you wont be able to replicate that..

I never said our childhood was in poverty!! Absolutely not. I said my PARENTS were poor, not us, because we didn't know until we were much older that my parents were scraping by, and that's exactly what I want for my son. They were struggling when they had my sister because my dad got made redundant and took a job on a lower wage and my mum was a SAHM but they never claimed off the state or got credit so hardly an irresponsibly attitude to money on their part IMO.
They gave up their lives, nights out, nice clothes so we could have the best of everything.
Our holidays were £9.50 Sun holidays in caravans (we ONLY bought that paper for that reason and never since!) but they were the best thing I remember about my childhood because they made them so fun and imaginative.
Would much rather an exciting Christmas Day for him than presents for us, nothing wrong with wanting to totally spoil the person who brings so much joy and fun to your life!

I got a stereo for Christmas when I was 11. It was massive, second hand and cost £45. I knew how expensive that was and I knew exactly how special I was that my parents penny pinched to buy it for me and my first ever album (ace of base if you're wondering)

That's far more special than a pile of tat bought on credit.

It's not good financially responsible parenting to scrimp and save so your kids can pretend to be wealthy!

Jesus your whole attitude to money and parenting is properly messed up.

Also my issue with the four gift rule is not the fact it's four gifts, it's the twee rhyme instructing parents to buy kids things for Christmas 'something to wear and something they need'. All kids need clothes and get them throughout the year, ditto with things they need.
Definitely don't have a problem with people buying four presents at all!

YANBU to want to give your child an amazing Christmas. My memories of Christmas are some of my most special and cherished.

YABU to think a 2 year old needs anything like that - he won't remember anyway! Pick a couple of nice presents and something YOU will remember with him. You can make more of a fuss when he's older.

Immaturity is not spending money on your child at Christmas (not on credit like I said)
Immaturity is the school bully mentality on here!
Every toy my son gets gets played with, so much so that I'm so bored of them and can't wait to change toys over!
FFS, over and out, can't cope with this.
And a lot of you do sound like middle class holier than thou types.

Me up to you, your money, your choice.

However you may as well just chuck £300 out of the window imo. A 2 year old probably won't have much idea what Christmas is or remember it in years to come. Mine would have been completely overwhelmed with so many things to open at that age also. They also were more interested in things like a £1 toy car over expensive caracter toys. But your money your choice .

OP you said you were in a similar position to what your parents were in, so I don't think it's very easy for you to find £1000?

I don't remember a single gift I had as a child, but I remember almost all the holidays and days out.

Don't drown your kid in so much stuff they can't value it, get a generous selection (I've never spent more than £150 per child and our gift piles and stockings are legendary) including the nicest bits from each type. No child of any age needs the entire Clangers merchandise range! Then save any other money you want to spend on DC to have lovely days out and holidays throughout the year.

Above all, clear your debts and set a good financial example to your kids. I didn't have hedonistic 20s in the wild spending sense because my parents set a good example about not spending money I don't have. If you're in debt you really need to curb your spending. You can't take it with you but it does have to last until you're 100!

Complete waste of money, poor message to begin a childhood with and no guarantee lots of plastic tat will make it ‘the best Christmas’ ever. Are you going to top it each year? What about if other children come along? Lots of presents and excitement is not likely to give the child their happiest memories. Save the money, just aim for a nice, gentle Christmas with a happy child.

Actually, I do remember one gift. A ghetto blaster when I was about 15 that cost them about £35. Loved it and used it until I was about 25.

'MN is really showing its middle-class demographic with all the comments about the OP's parents not being poor.'

Im not middle class and i was not born in the UK. Op didnt say her parents were poor. She said they were very poor. I stand by my comment that very poor families cant save up several 1000s in a year. She didnt say how many siblings she has/had. So the figure could be £2000 or £3000 or £4000.. That would be mean that her parents put away between £166 and £333 every single month. Very poor people simply dont have the means to put that much money away.
There is nothing ignorant in pointing that out.
I know that there are families who order half of the Argos catalogue and then spread out the cost over the year. Those people are not very poor.
Very poor is when you cant afford to buy your daugther sanitary towels and you tell her to use the loo roll at school. I had classmates like that. When we did secret santa in class they were always off sick because they were mortified that they couldnt afford to buy anything..Im sure they would have loved to live the kind of 'very poor' life that involves hundreds of pounds worth of toys at xmas.

My mum did this OP and for the same reason I do this also with my two. They don't have anything from me during the year unless nessary like clothes and so I like to spoil them at Christmas. My two both have birthdays either side of Christmas and like you I'm having a party for my eldest who will be four with her friends ect but will be more low key for my youngest who will be two as just from experience know she won't know what's going on and I don't want to get myself into debt.

'MN is really showing its middle-class demographic with all the comments about the OP's parents not being poor.

Middle class? Some of us saying it are as poor as fuck, which is how we know. If they were spending over a grand on multiple kids decades ago, plus disney on ice and presents for 3days before xmas, they were not poor.
Having thousands of pounds to lavish at christmas means you're not poverty stricken. Nothing middle class about saying so

More presents don’t make more memories.

Well maybe materialistic memories!

I have family members who buy a lot of presents for their two. Toddler and early school. Last two years after the initial frenzy of opening they both looked utterly overwhelmed and deflated. They still had lots to open and were lost as to open more, play with what they had or just go hide because it was too much.
You're son won't remember his second Christmas.
You'd be better putting money aside for his future.

MN is really showing its middle-class demographic with all the comments about the OP's parents not being poor

Bullshit. Poverty means not having space in the budget for catalogue payments. £2-3k spent each Christmas would mean £2-300 a month on catalogue repayments. Any family who can spare that from their budget is not poor.

. Is nobody aware that this was (is?) very common among working class parents: they buy £££s of presents from catalogues and pay it off the rest of the year, where they will live hand-to-mouth. My mum did it - single parent working minimum wage, renting, £0 in savings, literally hand-to-mouth. But every Christmas my brother and I had a £500 'budget' when writing our wishlists.

then she needed to give her head a wobble. She told you you had a 500 budget for Christmas? But lived hand to mouth all year? That's not lovely, its idiotic.

My parents were not well off. We didn't get much at Xmas or anything expensive. My mum thought people who bought lots of tat on credit were stupid. And I tend to agree with her.

I don't hang about on Christmas type threads. I only opened this one to offer sympathy as I thought the poor little chap was ill.
So I can honwstly say that the only time I've heard of the actual number of presents counted is here and in the Harry Potter film where the Dursleys do it.
Surely it's the gift and the thought behind it that matters not the number.
I think it's really weird.

I think its probably bollocks isn't it? I can't believe anyone could be that clueless.

I remember a thread on here a couple of months ago, when the OP wanted to give her child (about the same age as this OP's child) the best christmas ever. Except, she was asking about what things she could do with her child, because it was going to be the child's last christmas.

Such a contrast to this thread.

So much I could say about the OP's posts, but they've already been said.

"Immaturity is not spending money on your child at Christmas (not on credit like I said)
Immaturity is the school bully mentality on here"
I rarely see a thread where pretty much every single poster agrees. There are people of different ages, different backgrounds and different life experiences and they ( we) are all telling you the same thing.
But you dont have to take anyone's advice. Disregard what everyone said, buy loads more presents, worry about your huge debt later, refuse to see the connection between your parents letting you think that you can have the best of everything and your hedonistic lifestyle choices later on in life and pass on the same to your child. Buy all the plastic your toddler wants and take no notice of people who warn you about the environmental effects.
You already said that you see nothing wrong with wanting to spoil rotten the person who gives you the most joy in life..
Most people will disagree with spoiling children rotten.
Your life, your choices.