Can one accidentally be the school gate alpha mum?

[PeekabooPoo]

Today I was accused (in a very friendly way) of being the school gate alpha mum/clique leader for my dds year group

I am baffled as I honestly thought that

a) these beings only existed on mumsnet,
b) I never really actually organise anything,
c) I don't belong to the PTA which seems to be a prerequisite on mumsnet

d) they tend to have fabulous swishy hair and mine is lucky to be brushed before the morning school run,
e) I don't think I'm Machiavellian enough,

So aibu to feel slightly put out that I've got this label?

Must've been a Mumsnetter

Especially to use the silly phrase 'clique leader'.

Must have been a mumsnetter. That phrase doesn't exist in real life.

Watching too much motherland?

Clique means you are sticking with the regulars to the exclusion of others, some people are just blind to this and appear less welcoming

Why kit just ask her what she meant

I'd be surprised if she is a mumsnetter, her Facebook is full of pictures of nature with life affirming quotes (leads to lots of 'you ok hun' type comments), a smattering of glittery shite, weird MOM videos of shells being opened to find a true pearl, and just generally stuff mumsnet seems to disapprove of.

But I will stealthily interrogate her about parenting websites tomorrow.

She actually called you an alpha mum? Do people really say things like that in real life?

All seems very childish.

Yanbu. I'd be offended if someone called me a clique leader

well if you find yourself inadvertently turning all the other mums against her and that no one talks to her from now on, you'll know she was right!

(joking!)

I would ask her what she means though

Ask her why she said that, and then have a think about whether it's true.

Yanbu, thats a rude thing to say to someone. She sounds like she loves a bit of drama and is trying to stir it up.

Or maybe its a new MLM technique? Tell you you're stand offish and then offer to sell you something? See what happens over the next few days and report back!

Is Alpha Mum an insult though? Would it not just mean a natural leader type?

ceto what is wrong with being Alpha?

Peekaboo Is she one of those people who claims to be an Empath or sensitive or something? I know this probably sounds horrible but people who post that kind of thing on their profiles really annoy me. They always claim to be victims of narcissists for starters and NPD is a rare condition so I really doubt that LOL

That’s a very strange thing to say to anyone while on the school run. It sounds like she was being friendly, though, maybe it was meant to be a compliment?

I think there's a slightly negative connotation about being labelled an "alpha". My boss is friends with an alpha who has a " famous" cheese and wine party every year. She's been hankering after an invite to this but wasn't quite in the inner circle. She finally got the invite and felt properly on the inside. Personally I'm not much of a lover of either wine or cheese and would give zero shits about getting an invite. I do sometimes feel like an alpha when I make my teacher present at Christmas, coach my DD for her spelling test or remember to actually return the relevant form to school on time. ( none of which can be relied on).

It means you are popular and she is jealous. In terms of sticking to a clique, is that not simply talking to those you get on with?

It means a good leader, well organised, gets things done, popular, Queen Bee? I think those things are ok.

I was taken aback a few years ago to discover that what I thought was a very friendly and inclusive group of church/school mums was seen by some (who HAD been included and invited to various parties and weekends) as a clique with me as the alpha. I had always thought I was a socially awkward omega so had very mixed feelings about my new status. This was quite a while ago so before the rise of MN.

One can

Perhaps she just meant that you have a air of independence and confidence that inspires/ attracts others so accidentally becoming the alpha mum/ leader type in a good way. Luckily you are not using those powers for evil!! Don't let it go to your head or the dark side will beckon ;)

I would ask her what she means. Tell her you’re genuinely confused and ask if this means she finds some of your behaviour upsetting. That way you can either tell if she’s lying, jealous or upset.

Guineaalcoholic
Everyone has narcissistic traits, some have tendencies and some are narcissists. Very few have diagnosable NPD. So narcissism in itself is not rare.

Careful, she'll be selling you aloe juice before you know it

They always claim to be victims of narcissists for starters and NPD is a rare condition so I really doubt that LOL

If you are to believe Mumsnet, 100% of MILs and 50% of poster's mothers are NPD.

You say she said it in a friendly way so it doesn't sound like she meant it badly. You probably just have stronger influence on the other people than you realised and you can use that for good.