Can one accidentally be the school gate alpha mum?

[PeekabooPoo]

Today I was accused (in a very friendly way) of being the school gate alpha mum/clique leader for my dds year group

I am baffled as I honestly thought that

a) these beings only existed on mumsnet,
b) I never really actually organise anything,
c) I don't belong to the PTA which seems to be a prerequisite on mumsnet

d) they tend to have fabulous swishy hair and mine is lucky to be brushed before the morning school run,
e) I don't think I'm Machiavellian enough,

So aibu to feel slightly put out that I've got this label?

Everyone has narcissistic traits, some have tendencies and some are narcissists. Very few have diagnosable NPD. So narcissism in itself is not rare.

I was just going to post that! TG IDRTR!

Do you know the op, Littlebird??! Strange post, claiming the other woman is jealous of op's good looks

She's in a crappy fake pearl opening mlm. That's all you need to know about her powers of judgement.

I was accused of being part of the mum “clique” at our school all because a few of us all have become good friends and get along. So naturally we will stand and chat before the doors open in the mornings and at pick up. This was by a parent who refuses to stand and talk to anyone each day.

I hate these “clique” accusations that get thrown around. While I’m sure some schools do have some awful groups of parents, a lot of the time that labelling is made by someone who simply won’t make the effort to talk to other parents and get to know them. Meanwhile, everyone else forms friendships and it’s then seen as cliquey. I can only say that in terms of my own experience and school of course but I do think this is the problem a lot of the time

Watching too much motherland?

m0ther

Yes agree Fia. It is natural for anyone to talk to people they like and are friends with. It is not a workplace where you need to include everyone. Talk to people you like, don't talk to anyone, it really is not a big deal. I appreciate if you are lonely you may want to make friends, but just because you have kids in the same school does not mean you are going to have anything in common with others.

Shes a bit of a vacuous twit for spouting nonsense like that.
I was once told by a mutial friend that a woman i had always made a friendly effort to talk to thought i was cliquey, because i always spoke to the same person in queues at school, and sat next to her in assemblies. I didn't do this exclusively, though I will admit to speaking to her more than most others. Because we had known each other since our dc were babies, and were now best friends. I was amazed the woman had complained about this to mutual friend. Previously, I'd thought she was a nice lady, after that I thought she must be petty and small minded to think like that, much less bitch about it to someone else. Didn't bother much with talking to her after that. I think that comment says more about the complainant than yourself, tbh. Ask why for peace of mind, then ignore.

toomuchtooold

I agree with you about emotional abuse. I am a child of an emotionally abusive parent and am still dealing with a lot of self doubt around my experiences due to gaslighting etc.

Having said that, I read guineaholics post as saying that people make the term Empath out to be a special thing. Having empathy means you are healthy as opposed to the sociopathic types who abuse. Nobody is abused because they are an Empath, they are abused because abusers are arseholes who abuse . Empath is another term for "normal." "Empaths" are no more at risk of being abused than NPDs are because usually NPDs were once victims of child abuse themselves, especially emotional abuse. I just don't see the need for all these labels (empath, introvert, indigo, highly sensitive....urgghhh!)

PeekabooPoo Apologies for hijacking your thread with that last post. These women sound shallow and a bit daft tbh. Wish I had some constructive advice but I have always been a bit useless at cliques etc.

and