AIBU to define 'sex' as including oral-only activity?

[AlbaAlba]

I've asked around and some people say sex = PIV or PIA sexual intercourse only.

Most (maybe all!) lesbian women say very firmly that sex = non-PIV intimate activity.

Some people class 'sex' as oral or PIV/A.

When you hear or read that someone has had sex, what does that imply to you?

I'm a writer and trying to get an idea of the general consensus to see how my words are being interpreted by most people.

YANBU

It's called oral sex for a reason

Hmm... if I hear the phrase ‘had sex’ I probably would think of PIV/PIA. But in my own relationship I would include oral sex as ‘we had sex’.... clearly I’m very confused.

I have an additional banner directly above this post about Aldi's carrot faced horizontal with the caption "An amazing Christmas love story".

I can't get past that 😂 how appropriate

It's an interesting question

If I had heard that A "had had sex" with B, I would assume PIV. But I also know that lesbians have sex with each other without PIV, so it's really a lazy heteronormative assumption on my part - possibly one shared by most of your readers?

Think of Bill Cinton's defence about not having "sexual relations with that woman"

And I would certainly consider DH to have cheated on me if he engaged in oral but not PIV with someone else

If I read “they had sex” I would assume PIV or maybe, at a push (wink wink nudge nudge) PIA but wouldn’t immediately assume oral.

I don't think of oral as sex, which leads to a lot of debate with DH who thinks it definitely is sex. I think of it as foreplay, which to me is different. DH calls it the Clinton defence and says the clue is in the name.

id point out lesbian sex happens so therefore sex cant solely piv/a

'Had sex' also implies piv to me, although I would consider oral as sexual activity. Sorry not very helpful.

I agree with Gretchenwieners
Sex to me means PIV and I consider oral as foreplay.

something involving intimate, enjoyable genital contact of at least one of the participants probably would be my version of what it meant

Why does it matter?

You know E. L. James' time has passed, right?

I would assume "had sex" meant PIV/A unless it was a lesbian couple.

Within my relationship I view oral sex as an equivalent to PIV/A. But I wouldn't refer to it as having sex.

Thanks all, no real consensus here!

It matters because the sex in the scene is very much implied (EL James I'm not, thank god), so it's unclear to the reader. Given the baggage and history of one of the characters involved, if readers are assuming 'sex' (as it is later referred to) to be PIV then it might read as out of character, whilst oral sex would be more in character.

Specifying type of sex in the conversation would ruin a line of dialogue.

You would have to give more detail about the 'oral activity'. Did the penis actually enter the mouth more than once? Or was it more of a tongue only activity? The former would be oral sex the latter probably not.

The term sex i think piv id just refer to other acts as oral anal etc

Julie I think the reader will probably assume a blow job from the (very much) implied sex in the previous scene. What I don't want them to assume by 'sex' is that there was then additional PIV type sex behind closed doors, as that would be out of character.

Are you writing a Mills and Boon op.

Did her moist pink lips finally surrender to the straining heat of manhood in his crisply pressed tan slacks?

Am gay so never assume penis in anything when I hear the term "have sex". I think sex can cover a wide range of activities.

With a hetero couple,if you say "had sex" your readers will assume PIV. If it's a same sex couple and you say "had sex" readers will assume "sexual activities, prob including oral"

If you want to make it clear it was oral, but you don't want to actually say oral, you might have to resort to the tabloid phrase "performed a sex act"

I am a lesbian and think it’s very odd when people only class PIV as sex. It surely doesn’t take that much imagination does it?!
By that definition I have been celibate for 10 years.

For me, my interpretation depends on context and speaker. Who's your narrator? What do they think counts?

Completely agree Daimbar

I think of just sex as PIV. Anal sex and oral sex being distinct.