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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

August baby at a disadvantage to Sept baby?

336 replies

peachytacos · 14/11/2017 19:15

AIBU to think that having a birthday in spring/summer won’t massively affect how successful your child is in school long term?

I completely understand in the first few years at school the difference is significant, as a year is such a large jump, but surely as they grow older it evens out?
I’m ttc no 2 and was speaking to my close friend about it today who told me its mean to ttc this month in case I end up with an August baby Confused
She’s naturally very blunt and doesn’t mean anything nasty by it but she strongly feels that a baby born in August is at a massive disadvantage throughout. I know it’s highly unlikely to happen anyway but it’s made me think.

Thoughts/opinions please!

OP posts:
LaBelleSausage · 17/11/2017 07:42

I have a friend who was super smug about her ‘September Baby’ who she claimed would be at a big advantage to the baby in currently pregnant with (due Sunday) and told me I should have timed things better.

Their PFT was due early September but was premature and was actually born in early August. I have to admit, I had a tiny frisson of satisfaction when I found that out, but only because of how she’d been harping on.

JaimesGoldenHand · 17/11/2017 07:43

If you are going to be putting DC in for 7+ at competitive London prep schools it can be a problem, although most do allow for the development difference. But that doesn't give your child the extra year's maturity to deal with the process.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 17/11/2017 07:48

I don’t understand why posters think that one example of a child doing well as a summer born would negate the actual evidence that it’s a big disadvantage. Of course it’s not the end of the world but it’s definitely not silly to consider it.

There are a hell of a lot of examples, not 1...! Plus life experience forms who you are in the longer term anyway, sailing through school without any real challenge is its own problem when you hit issues later as everyone does. It isn't that simple. It is a life challenge not a 'big disadvantage'. A 'big disadvantage' is being in care, going to a crap school, getting no support from home, having SEND or learning difficulties.

FWIW dd's in year 4 and the cleverer kids in her class are generally younger not older. Of course it's just one class but it isn't what you'd expect.

It is absolutely my opinion if you want a baby then to stop ttc for August is utterly ridiculous. Of course you are entitled to do what you want and define silly as you see fit.

madmother1 · 17/11/2017 07:48

My 17 year old DD has just announced one advantage about being an August baby!! All her friends will be able to go out and legally drink for her 18th as she's the last to turn 18!! She's find academically but hates the fact she's only just learning to drive, but is more determined to pass before her friends who are taking ages.

madmother1 · 17/11/2017 07:49

My 17 year old DD has just announced one advantage about being an August baby!! All her friends will be able to go out and legally drink for her 18th as she's the last to turn 18!! She's find academically but hates the fact she's only just learning to drive, but is more determined to pass before her friends who are taking ages.

PoppyPopcorn · 17/11/2017 08:16

There will always be a poster or three who has an excelling August baby who is top of the class and very emotionally mature.

But looking at the larger picture it makes a massive difference. I have an August baby - her starting school at 4 and 2 days wasn't the only reason we moved back to Scotland from England but it was a factor, she started here at 5 instead and is in the middle of the year group rather than the very youngest.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 17/11/2017 08:20

it makes a massive difference

So exactly how did you decide that the difference is 'massive' rather than 'slight'?

skinoncustard · 17/11/2017 08:27

Title of this thread - August baby at a disadvantage to September baby

Yes! mainly because parents, family, teachers, the media, old Uncle Tom Cobbly and all !!! use it as reason/excuse for when our poor children - sleep, walk, talk, eat, potty train, play, read, write, how they behave/don’t behave, etc etc etc .
These poor children are being categorised at the moment of conception.
I have two friends, one with a boy born in the summer,the other a girl born in the winter. The comparisons made by others between these two tiny babies is ridiculous.
Already this little boy is doomed to failure! While his little female friend will fly high !

PeachyCandle · 17/11/2017 08:30

Thanks for this thread, really interesting. I’ve got a an end-of-July boy due to start school next September...sometimes I think he’ll be ready and sometimes I have a real wobble about it. I don’t think he’ll have problems with the activities/routine of a school day as he’s been at Nursery 3 days a week for ages, but it’s the things like dressing himself/toileting (he’s still in nappies) that he still needs lots of help with.

Anecdotally, my BILs (twins) are August boys and have both apparently always been very capable and able at school, my best friend is an August baby and said she loved school and was fine starting so young, and another friend of DHs has an August birthday and again apparently never struggled so we’ll see...but I would definitely look at deferring DS’ start though if we had serious concerns, even though it would be financially difficult as he’d need to have another year at nursery and baby DD is due to start there soon as well.

MerryMarigold · 17/11/2017 08:37

There will always be a poster or three who has an excelling August baby

Well, just about everyone I know with July/ August babies are doing very well indeed. It's about a lot more than your birthday.

PoppyPopcorn · 17/11/2017 08:45

The difference between a child who is 4 and 2 days and a child who is 2 days short of their 5th birthday is massive - it's almost a year!

Thats difference will narrow as they grow, but I do believe that summer borns are at a disadvantage throughout, on average. Anecdotes about high achieving summer borns mean nothing.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 17/11/2017 08:45

Well, just about everyone I know with July/ August babies are doing very well indeed. It's about a lot more than your birthday.

Well yes, quite. I think a lot of it is that some (one or three perhaps Smile) people who deliberately planned a September baby like to think the difference is greater than it actually is.... and that their baby is going to be a Nobel peace prize winner or the like, just because of when they were born.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 17/11/2017 08:46

Thats difference will narrow as they grow, but I do believe that summer borns are at a disadvantage throughout, on average. Anecdotes about high achieving summer borns mean nothing.

And your belief means little also.

laulea82 · 17/11/2017 08:57

Our dd has sen. She turned 4 in September. I’m very grateful we have another year before school because the amount of support she would need if she were at school now would be a nightmare. She would find school far too difficult now so I’m very pleased at her September birthday - which we did plan. Ds however is a January baby and I know he would be ready for school just turned 4. So it depends on the child - and you don’t know what kind of child you’re going to get. If only! Ha ha.

AnnaL82 · 17/11/2017 09:21

In my home country the cutoff to start school used to be Dec 31st. I was born in January and sent to a special 1st year in order to start earlier, as I was academically mature. I have struggled socially through my school career.

I was adamant I would never have put my child in the same situation. Then I conceived in October (we had just started Ttc, and I couldn't believe it would have worked first attempt) and DS was born in July. He's a boy and he has to grow up as a bilingual. I'm so worried !

whoareyou123 · 17/11/2017 09:31

Try looking at the provisional KS1 (age 6/7) results for 2017. 83% of September born reached the expected standard and 36% were working at greater depth. Where 66% of Àugust born reached the expected standard and only 15% were working at greater depth. That is quite a difference at that age.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 17/11/2017 09:36

I think it is actually a surprisingly small difference in KS1 scores.

Onelastpage · 17/11/2017 09:42

My daughter is an early August baby - she started preschool this September at 3 years and 1.5 months.

It is safe to say she is struggling socially and i’m worried we made the wrong decision sending her - I figured she’d be youngest in a year too and the half days might help with the transition... But I don’t want to stop and start so I think now we just have to get through it.

They gave us a list of expectations for the end of Preschool - she can already count to 10 (and inconsistently beyond), recognise ‘significant’ letters etc etc. So I’m not worried academically. But she is miles away from some of the manual skills (so writing will be a challenge) and she tends to hang around at the edge of groups (not sure if she’s just an introvert or not got the skills yet). My concern is I don’t want her to start to hate school.

But there will always be something.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 17/11/2017 09:47

Isn't hanging around on the edge of groups/ flitting etc completely normal up to about year 2? I think all pre-school/ reception children lack social skills, it's one of the things that they are actually meant to be teaching them during EYFS.

Taffeta · 17/11/2017 09:59

These threads are always derailed by posters boasting about their high achieving summer borns.

It’s true that anecdotes aren’t helpful and hard data bears out the issues that summer borns face.

ginplease8383 · 17/11/2017 10:28

DH got 10 A*s at GCSE and was an August baby. I think the gap closes over the years

VacantExpression · 17/11/2017 10:36

I have a summer holiday birthday and never found it a problem, the worst one was the wait to learn to drive compared to my peers. Now I am a mum myself one thing I have noticed is the mindset of the parents of august born babies, some in particular don't push their children because they're so "young"- we're talking year 3&5 in my children's case.
All children are different- I know the stats do bear it out but I think at least some of it is self-perpetuating. Incidentally I think my September born son would have been better off in the year above and the 31/08 boy in my DC's class would have done better in the year below. Shame we cant be a bit more flexible really.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 17/11/2017 10:59

My son born 28 August has just started reception this year. I've just been to a stay and play session recently and you can certainly see the difference in maturity between him and some of the 'older' children in his class.

He's still like an excitable puppy that can't keep still Smile

He was very enthusiastic about starting school and is eager to learn but enthusiasm is generally outweighing ability at the moment. Time will tell how he gets on.

The statistics for summer v autumn born do worry me as all the anecdotes in the world don't change them despite what some people seem to think I will just do my best to support my son and hope his ability begins to match his enthusiasm

Frillyhorseyknickers · 17/11/2017 11:48

LaBelleSausage
Fuck, I'm so glad I'm not your friend, have you got any idea how hard it is to have a prem baby? Ironically today is world premiturity day, show some compassion instead of trying to point score.

tinypop4 · 17/11/2017 12:02

My DD is November and in reception now. She's handled the transition to school really well and is flying.
DS is a July baby which wasn't how we planned it but how it panned out due to miscarriages. I am quite worried about him going to school in a couple of years, especially when I talk to the mums at the school gates with summer born boys and they chat about how hard their DS are finding it. I'm sure he will be okay at the end but I do think it's an advantage to be autumn or winter born.

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