...to ask what your criteria for a life partner would be if you had to choose one now?

[NeverMetACakeIDidntLike]

(Tongue in cheek)

I met DH when I was 20. I chose him based on interests in common and his dashing good looks.

I’m now 37 and wish i’d discovered:

• that he didn’t sleep through the night until he was 5 (and he seems to have passed this onto our DD1)

• that he seems to take longer and longer to do a poo as he’s getting older and I seem to spend half my life waiting for him to get off the loo.

So... whilst ‘did you sleep well as a baby?’ and ‘are you likely to consider having a poo as one of your major hobbies later in life?’ are not good chat-up lines, I feel like I should have asked them before I committed...AIBU?

Financially responsible. I don't mean rich. Being poor sucks and I'm old and cynical enough to know that love is NOT enough. Low income is okay if it's hand in hand with living within your means, pension planning etc.

Health conscious, doesn't have to be a fitness fanatic but at my age I'd rather someone who does what they can to prevent disability, or deterioration of disabilities if pre existing. I don't want to fall in love with someone only to watch them slowely kill themselves.

Speaks respectfully of exes, even if not amicable.

Has plans and ambitions, but not into get rich quick schemes.

love the bonus point loss lizzie
could also add complete inability to remember
a)your own age
b)your children’s ages
c)any children in the family

can he roll over in bed like a normal person rather than like the Orca show at SeaWorld
This made me laugh out loud on the train.

Reminded me of a similar thing with DH so here’s the 1st question. You need to yawn. Do you
a) cover your mouth & let out the tiniest of sighs (3 points)
b) do a fair imitation of an angry hippo woken from a deep sleep by its arch enemy (0 points)
c) as b) but with a fart thrown in for good measure (-1 points)

Yes!! Asking if they have been told they are like a breaching whale by precious partners is a definite must!

Also points lost for telling your partner you are “going to do a smelly one” then hogging the toilet for 30 minutes. Bad enough you spend half an hour doing a poo, please don’t announce it with glee beforehand.

I'd probably look for the same key characteristics as DH (kind, respectful to everyone, sense of humour etc). But I would make a few specific observations early on and veto if the answer is wrong:

1. When eating, does he bring the food/fork to his mouth or his mouth to the food.
2. If we go out somewhere, where does he spend the first 15-35 minutes:

a) Holding my hand, wherever I want to go (keep him) b) Discretely looking for a small gift to surprise me with later (keep) c) On the toilet- you never know where the next one will be (end relationship).[We have discussed this at length- there is no medical issue, he is not on his phone etc- just fears needing a poo and not having a toilet available so has a 'try' before doing any other activity]

Can't understand how I didn't notice 1) before it was too late- especially since his parents do the same thing. As for 2) it was never a big deal before the children came along but knowing that you will be left hanging around (but not actually able to just get on with your day as if you were alone) with two small children for an undisclosed amount of time would be a deal breaker for me if I did it all again.

Got another one for my questionaire...

You have laundered a non-iron work shirt and taken it out of the drier. What do you do with it next?

1. Hang it up in your wardrobe (2 points)
2. Hang it up on the front of your wardrobe “to air” and leave it there for three weeks. (1 point).
3. Hang it up on the front of my wardrobe so I have to move it before I can open the door. (0 points)

Seriously...why? How much more effort is it to just put the damn thing away???

Badgers oh yes, why oh why? Drives me mad!

Somebody who doesnt fall asleep on the sofa. I used to say this as a child too as my stepdad did and it gives me the rage..

DH didnt when we met 24 years ago... It still gives me the rage. GO TO FREAKING BED IF YOUR TIRED!

Not breathe on me in bed
Not announce or narrate each task
Stop talking/shouting at the TV
Seeing every aspect of life so negatively 👹

To realise I wasn’t born into this world with intricate knowledge of how to operate the iron, oven, dishwasher etc. I had to learn, with effort you can too...stop asking me, then sulking, whilst whining I do it soo much better...

I sometimes wonder what attracted me in the first place 😀. Oh yeah, he makes me a great cup of tea every morning in bed...without being asked !!

Stinking rich and generous with it.

I'm not mercenary and we are well off. But I'm assuming that in this scenario I'm a bit older than I am now, and I dread being poor in my old age.

Plus my one that got away now earns literally millions and I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like with him

The Pps who mentioned last minute toilet breaks and teeth brushing..... that’s not a quirk, that’s a fucking annoying, selfish trait that all men IME have -

oh hang on, is everyone ready? Kids got their coats on? Welly boots on? Someone about to have a meltdown over nothing?

Hang on, I need to brush MY FUCKING TEETH.

Honestly.

And btw, they go for an hour long Poo because they can, and it gets them out of looking after the kids.

Love the Tom Hardy love on here!

He is my future husband and my current DH knows it

About the poo situation, and apologies if this has already been said as I haven’t RTFT, but the film This Is 40 depicts the man-on-toilet situation brilliantly,

Someone who doesn't constantly leave things to soak. There's never a useable sink as something is soaking. This process can go on for days.

I'd like kindness, and for someone to actually care. Not having someone dole out the kindness when I'd done what he wanted.

Generosity, of time, attention and yes money. Nothing like a tightwad.

Willingness to do a fair share around the house. Nuff said.

Someone who doesn't inflict moods on us, I hated walking on eggshells.