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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have my sister as a bridesmaid?

9 replies

bear28 · 13/11/2017 21:05

just looking for advice. I don't want my sister as a bridesmaid. She likes to be the centre of attention and has also slept with 2 of my ex's and i really do not want her making my wedding all about her. She would expect me to pay for everything, dress, hair & make up (I would spite doing this as she never contributes to anything and get everything handed to her).

Years ago she said when I do get engaged I BETTER make her a bridesmaid. Since then I've thought, i really do not want her as one. I don't want my wedding photos to be a reminder of her taking over.

I am aware I may sound very selfish. On the other hand, i can't see her or our other sibling ever getting married and there is major guilt trip on that side of things. We do not have a lot of extended family and my friends are joint with my partner's so i was considering only having 1 bridesmaid (my best friend).

I am worried if i don't ask her, that will be the only topic of conversation with our family but if i do ask her, i will alway regret the decision.

OP posts:

QueenAmongstMen · 13/11/2017 21:09

I have a feeling she will make it "more about her" if you don't ask her because then she'll be the hard done by sister and she will revel in telling everyone about it over and over and over again in the hope of getting the attention and sympathy of others....

WeddingsAreStressful · 13/11/2017 21:10

How about no bridesmaids and no best men at all?

Maelstrop · 13/11/2017 21:10

Just tell her, don't let her take over your day.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 13/11/2017 21:12

I had a Maid of Honour and that was it. Despite the family trying to have all the tiny nephews, cousins daughters etc as flower girls, mini ushers etc. More expense and I barely know most of them!

Have a MOH, and tell your sister anything you like about why. Or don't mention it to her, especially if you're not close.

Clutterbugsmum · 13/11/2017 21:14

We do not have a lot of extended family and my friends are joint with my partner's so i was considering only having 1 bridesmaid (my best friend). So do it just tell her and your family you are just having your friend as your 'best woman' as you want the service to be about you and your STBH.

KC225 · 13/11/2017 21:15

You can choose who you want for a bridesmaid. Do you have a close friend that you feel will be more supportive. A friend of mine only wanted little ones, so have four no older than 7 but she had two sisters. Your day, your rules. No one will be bothered about why she isn't a bridesmaid. I have never even thought of it.

As a rule through, I think it is standard for the bride to pay for bridesmaid dresses, hair and makeup.

But tell us more about her sleeping with 2 of your ex's.

Dizzybacon · 13/11/2017 21:16

I wasn't my sisters bridesmaid. She did ask but also has a very short memory. She had previously chucked me out of her house for being 'a snob'....it was more indepth than that but it was enough for me to politely decline her request to be her BM.

PeiPeiPing · 13/11/2017 21:23

She sounds like a cow.

Why did she sleep with your exes?

Is she jealous of you?

Don't have her as bridemaid.

Original poster

bear28 · 13/11/2017 21:31

she is the kind of person who thinks "anything you can have, i can have". I even had to pick her up from one of their houses! (what a mug i know!)

She also tried to sleep with another by telling him she had been with my ex's. he told her to F* Off and called her a slag. This was also on a night i was out with him and invited her out.

My mum uses the excuse that she has no self-esteem. Fair enough people struggle with that, but you don't shag your sister's men. Sista's before Mistas! guess not for her!

I think there is a lot of jealousy. also didn't help that these guys were happy enough to go ahead and sleep with her. I think for them it was more of a "ooh sisters ;) " type thing.

We aren't very close but we aren't extremely distant either. I also feel she doesn't know me well enough as a person to be a bridesmaid. We fell out for a few years because she put sex over me one time when she really should have been there for me but we have since patched everything up.

As I've typed all of this out, I've decided i won't be asking her. Id rather the grief from my family with her making it about how she wasn't asked, than to look back at our wedding album thinking I wish i didn't do it.

OP posts:

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