To think DD isn't hard to get dressed?

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DD is 2.4, has a developmental delay of around 6 months, speech delay, eye and hearing problems and a chest problem.

She's also got a few sensory issues, she doesn't like hand dryers or hoovers. Or wind. She also hates certain materials when getting dressed.

DH hasn't dressed DD since her sensory issues started because he says it's too hard to find something she will wear, but he needs to start doing it as my hours have changed at work and after Christmas he will need to get her up, dressed and to Nursery before heading to work himself on 2 days a week.

I've told him the rules are simple for clothes:

1. Cotton Tshirts over a vest but the T-shirt has to have a pattern or design on it. If it's got Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol or In The Night Garden on she'll happily wear it with no issues, if it's got a cat or a bird on she'll wear it if she's in the mood. Anything else depends on her mood, but I try and make sure something she will wear is washed.

1. She loves tights, particularly at this time of year. But only wool tights, she won't wear lycra. Get her in tights she'll wear anything over it whether that be a skirt, dress or shorts. But they have to be cotton or soft material, she hates denim.

1. If wearing trousers has to be cotton leggings or joggers. She won't wear jeans, cords, or anything denim, as said above she hates it.

DH says he can't do it, and he wants me to make DD wear what we tell her to after he tried to dress her this morning in front of me, and she ended up screaming and running into the doorframe and now has a bruise. We do have a drawer with things she won't currently wear in it in case she changes her mind but DH thinks we should just make her wear what we want her to wear.

I think DH can do, the rules aren't hard, he just needs to listen, and if all else fails the Nursery staff are brilliant at getting her to co-operate so he can always drive her there in her pyjamas (she won't freeze in the car surely?)

So AIBU to think it's not hard to get her dressed if you follow her rules? Or do I need to be finding a different solution this?

I suffer with anxiety so worry about standing up to DH

Why don't you just leave out a set of clothes you know she WILL wear?
That list is really rather long!

Doesn’t sound that hard to me! Maybe get rid of the clothes she won’t wear though so the only options are ones she will.

Also does he start off expecting a fight as she’ll pick up on that and it will make everything harder.

TBH I’d just leave an outfit out the evening before.

He is trying to be authorative (sp) and he isbasically saying she is spoiled. Let her wear what she is happiest in i have an adult Dd with a developmental delay clothes were such an issue

It does sound like it would be easier to preselect her clothes but at the same time your dh should really be able to learn enough to dress his own child.

Why do you have jeans and the wrong tights in her drawers at all? Just remove stuff she won't wear and cut out all the complicated explanations.

Yes just leave out her clothes you are up on the rules

Presumably you’ve only brought her clothes in the materials etc she can wear so I don’t see how it can be too hard for him to dress her.

No she won’t freeze in the car if your dh is not capable of dressing his own child

If he gets the clothes out the night Before it will be even easier!

Well of course it is complicated but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t need to help make things easier for her.

I do agree with you just leaving out an outfit you know she will wear. Much easier surely?

Sounds simple. He's an adult, he doesn't need the OP to set out clothes for him!

He can either choose clothes she will wear or wrestle her into whatever he chooses.

There is absolutely no point in having clothes in the house she won’t wear.

Get rid of anything she won’t wear.

Problem solved.

If she won't ever wear lycra or jeans (or whatever) why are they there? That's just making life harder than it needs to be.

Get rid of the stuff she won't wear (permanently, or just somewhere away from the "use" stuff)
Then he just has to remember a vest under the t-shirt... if he can't manage that then it's a bigger issue and the clothing is just an excuse!

My dd has no sensory issues, but I still lay out a couple of outfits for Dh to put her, because he dresses her in clashing outfits also because I know what she will put on more reasonably. Ask your husband how he would like to be dictated to on what to wear....

Your DH should be on board with her preferences and working out for himself what she will wear that day.

Why should the OP have to do his thinking for him?

Or the OP could just leave him to manage the situation and see how well he can manage? Unless he is likely to be mean and shouty, and if so the clothes are the least of the problems here.

I would put clothes out for her as well. I do that for my DH when he has to help our DDs dress for whatever reason. They mostly dress themselves now at 8 and 5.

I would suggest putting you DH in sonething unbearable uncomfortable to show hi how much if a dick he is being. I would also reccomend packing away everything that she won't wear to make it easier for you idiot DH.

The drawer is clearly labelled as stuff she won't currently wear. I keep it in case she decides one day she wants to wear it. I regularly go through it and check for sizes and stuff and donate the too small stuff.

He does get shouty at her, tells her she's being silly and it's just a dress/jeans/whatever.

But why shouldn’t her DH know or learn what’s suitable. I can’t believe the number of people saying to leave out an outfit. I assume he’s an adult with no learning difficulties.

Op you are right. He should know the rules and he should know it’s important to your Dd.

To save hassle and upsetting DD i would get an outfit out the night before that she'll wear. I don't think your husband should be forcing her to wear things she's not comfortable with as i think it'll aggravate the situation. You've clearly got it sorted so he should follow what you've started.

Your DH is being a prat.
Maybe dont dress it up (see what i did there ) as being due to anything other than being 2 - all of mine have had more extensive clothing "rules" as age two & none have any known medical issues.
Getting 2 yr olds dressed can be a PITA but every other parent gets on with it so your DH should too.
(& shrink half his clothes, sprinkle some with itching powder & wash some with starch - see if has more sympathy then!)

He shouldn't need clothes to be laid out, he is also her parent ffs!

Get rid of clothes she won't wear though.

So the rules are vest, patterned t, wool tights, soft skirt/trousers/shorts. It’s not hard. Your dh is an idiot. I agree with getting rid of the “wrong” clothes seems like you are storing up issues where mistakes are made that upset your dd unnecessarily. My ds is picky over what he wears as he has an opinion not because he has sensory issues. I tend to get out three/four things and play this or that until I have a last t shirt standing - you just need to leave enough time!

Ds is 28 months

My DS 2.5 has no sensory issues and can still be a pain to get dressed. DH gets him up for nursery twice a week. I just make sure that the clothes at the top of the drawer are ones he will happily wear and are appropriate for nursery. Otherwise DH has him in some bizarre combinations.

If she likes character t shirts and tights just buy more of them and keep them as her ‘nursery uniform’. Then you know they are always clean.