To think DD isn't hard to get dressed?

[StarsAndMoonsBlanket]

DD is 2.4, has a developmental delay of around 6 months, speech delay, eye and hearing problems and a chest problem.

She's also got a few sensory issues, she doesn't like hand dryers or hoovers. Or wind. She also hates certain materials when getting dressed.

DH hasn't dressed DD since her sensory issues started because he says it's too hard to find something she will wear, but he needs to start doing it as my hours have changed at work and after Christmas he will need to get her up, dressed and to Nursery before heading to work himself on 2 days a week.

I've told him the rules are simple for clothes:

1. Cotton Tshirts over a vest but the T-shirt has to have a pattern or design on it. If it's got Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol or In The Night Garden on she'll happily wear it with no issues, if it's got a cat or a bird on she'll wear it if she's in the mood. Anything else depends on her mood, but I try and make sure something she will wear is washed.

1. She loves tights, particularly at this time of year. But only wool tights, she won't wear lycra. Get her in tights she'll wear anything over it whether that be a skirt, dress or shorts. But they have to be cotton or soft material, she hates denim.

1. If wearing trousers has to be cotton leggings or joggers. She won't wear jeans, cords, or anything denim, as said above she hates it.

DH says he can't do it, and he wants me to make DD wear what we tell her to after he tried to dress her this morning in front of me, and she ended up screaming and running into the doorframe and now has a bruise. We do have a drawer with things she won't currently wear in it in case she changes her mind but DH thinks we should just make her wear what we want her to wear.

I think DH can do, the rules aren't hard, he just needs to listen, and if all else fails the Nursery staff are brilliant at getting her to co-operate so he can always drive her there in her pyjamas (she won't freeze in the car surely?)

So AIBU to think it's not hard to get her dressed if you follow her rules? Or do I need to be finding a different solution this?

I suffer with anxiety so worry about standing up to DH

Could you make it a quick weekend activity that your Dd sorts out 5 data of outfits ready for the week sticking each outfit in a bag labelled Mon -Fri. Then its all done and no more thought needs to be put into it till the next weekend.

Your DH sounds fucking useless.

Does he try strong arming her in other situations too?

DD is the same. We have no clothes in the house that she won't wear. The only remaining issue is socks. Every time it's a trial. She put them on herself mostly now but still has issues with they are a little 'off' or her feet have grown. DH used to get pissed off but he sees that a little patience and empathy goes a long way.

He had a very authoritarian upbringing and also thinks she should just wear the bloody socks. But he knows it's not realistic.

He gets a bit annoyed about food issues but more because she's intolerant to a few foods so it can make eating together a challenge.

If I got her to find 5 outfits on a Sunday she'd be fed up and changed her mind by Tuesday, as it depends what colour/s she's in the mood for as well.

She does have character clothing on her Christmas list though.

God what a twat. He's a grown man he needs to sort it out. Can't exactly be a barrel of laughs for you having to adapt and add to lists add the issues develope.you knew as much as he did to start with and it's his responsibility to ensure he keeps up with things.

Just put the other clothes somewhere else. This doesn't need to be a big deal.

Someone needs to explain to your DH that he's a father now, and getting your kid dressed is just one of the many jobs that comes with parenting.
He can attempt to dress her how he likes, but after a few false starts he'll soon learn the rules, it's not like your baby popped out the womb with a rulebook that she handed over to you is it?

Tell him to grow up and work it out, and if he can't then he's a poor excuse for a dad.

If a lot of it comes down to her mood then that does make it even harder! Can she not pick her own outfit each day?

Surely the logic would be that you only buy clothes you know she wears?!?!

your OH is being a dick about this.

I have a DC with sensory issues. Even down to refusing to wear something if It smells 'wrong'

mine will only wear cotton tops and shorts. Not such a big deal but things like acrylic jumpers, heavy denim cause no end of issues. Fleecy PJ type stuff no issues. DC will wear it.

Its taken me nearly 8 years to get DC to try clothes that smell of a different softener. I now have 2 I can use to clean clothes. Thank god because I would have to go to 3 shops to find it if it was out of stock!!

Her dad sounds a stubborn impatient twat OP you can't railroad children with SN to behave like we want especially toddlers it is like shoviling snow when it is snowing totally pointless.

Surely whatever she has in her wardrobe is what she is happy to wear?
So the trousers will be cotton leggings and you dint have jeans?

What he needs to do doesn’t seem that complex. Just a basic layering exercise.
The PND, tbh I would just let her choose on the day. Did that with the dcs (whilst ensuring that the clothes available for them to pick were appropriate for the season - no summer shorts for example) and it did wonder. No more battles :):)

Honesty, being lucky to have a ds who didn’t care what he wore it does sound like hard work. But he is her dad and it is ridiculous he doesn’t know how to get his dd dressed, parenting is hard work.

Get rid of the unsuitable clothes (including ones that she’ll only wear if in the mood).
Trousers are easier to get on than tights so now he just has to remember vest+character top+trousers. Simple.

What a cop out. Does he think you wanted to be bothered with all the screaming and fussing whilst you were getting to grips with her rules? No, nobody wants a life harder than it has to be but those are the cards you were dealt and he just has to lump it as she is his child as much as she is yours. He doesn’t get to just say “you deal with the hard stuff, I don’t want to” urgh!

I do think you're making it more complicated than it needs to be. I think most toddlers are like this though -I know dd was. Ds wAsnt quite so bad.

Just leave him to it. End of.

Rather than having a drawer of clothes she won't wear, why not have a nursery clothes drawer, for her to choose from? Obviously only containing items you know don't cause issues. This worked well for our DD at the same age (still does, actually!). Some of the combos were a bit odd, granted, but at 2, for nursery, I don't think style/coordination matters as much as comfort and leaving the flipping house

Agree your DH needs to just get on with it though. It's not that difficult! Would he really rather take her to nursery in her pyjamas and admit he's not capable of dressing his two-year-old?!

Is she autistic OP? My almost 3 year old is and has similar issues (won't wear tights though, just leggings and loose cotton dresses)

Leave clothes out for him and write the rules somewhere for reference. It sounds complicated but you know it better.

Have a chat with him about discipline so you're on the same page. She's not being awkward on purpose, she has special needs. He needs to understand that properly.

mama Oddly enough Autism isn't a concern with her as it's only clothes she's so regimented about. Although I'd not be surprised if that is the eventual diagnosis anyway.

My dd used to be like this, but worse. She wouldn't wear leggings, tights, jeans, anything with sleeves, but guess what - my dh didn't shout at her when she got upset.

Because we only had stuff she would wear in her drawers and wardrobe.

Admittedly, it was a very small selection. Think same outfits, different colours.

Can't you just do that? Then your dh can't get confused/ratty.

I agree he shouldn't need the clothes laid out. But on the other hand I think you may as well get rid of things she won't wear and just keep a "Yes" wardrobe.

If it varies slightly day to day he does need to listen to her though.

He sounds a bit if a bully with the attitude he has. She has sensory issues. He should respect that and not just call her spoiled.

I also let my ds choose most days. We have those Ikea draws that stand on shelves in his wardrobe (just because of the built in wardrobe that's in his room). I just plop them on the floor and he can choose. He's 3 admittedly so a bit older.

Stars it could still be ASD, they're all so different! It's ridiculous how long it can take to get answers. Hope you're managing ok. It can be tough sometimes.

Mama It's the paediatrician not screening for ASD atm, I'd not be surprised if it just because of her sensory issues and her delay and the way she is with people - she won't speak at all at Nursery for example.

We got rid of things DD wouldn't wear - DH was rather more tolerant of it; he's allergic to a range of fabrics, so I imagine that helped with the empathy! As an adult, I hate uncomfortable clothes, so I have every sympathy if DD does. She's also very fussy when it comes to food.

OP, you are not alone in having a child who's fussy about clothing; I would box up things your DD won't wear now, so that your DH can't get confused. That's probably kinder to your daughter at least.