To think DD isn't hard to get dressed?

[StarsAndMoonsBlanket]

DD is 2.4, has a developmental delay of around 6 months, speech delay, eye and hearing problems and a chest problem.

She's also got a few sensory issues, she doesn't like hand dryers or hoovers. Or wind. She also hates certain materials when getting dressed.

DH hasn't dressed DD since her sensory issues started because he says it's too hard to find something she will wear, but he needs to start doing it as my hours have changed at work and after Christmas he will need to get her up, dressed and to Nursery before heading to work himself on 2 days a week.

I've told him the rules are simple for clothes:

1. Cotton Tshirts over a vest but the T-shirt has to have a pattern or design on it. If it's got Peppa Pig, Paw Patrol or In The Night Garden on she'll happily wear it with no issues, if it's got a cat or a bird on she'll wear it if she's in the mood. Anything else depends on her mood, but I try and make sure something she will wear is washed.

1. She loves tights, particularly at this time of year. But only wool tights, she won't wear lycra. Get her in tights she'll wear anything over it whether that be a skirt, dress or shorts. But they have to be cotton or soft material, she hates denim.

1. If wearing trousers has to be cotton leggings or joggers. She won't wear jeans, cords, or anything denim, as said above she hates it.

DH says he can't do it, and he wants me to make DD wear what we tell her to after he tried to dress her this morning in front of me, and she ended up screaming and running into the doorframe and now has a bruise. We do have a drawer with things she won't currently wear in it in case she changes her mind but DH thinks we should just make her wear what we want her to wear.

I think DH can do, the rules aren't hard, he just needs to listen, and if all else fails the Nursery staff are brilliant at getting her to co-operate so he can always drive her there in her pyjamas (she won't freeze in the car surely?)

So AIBU to think it's not hard to get her dressed if you follow her rules? Or do I need to be finding a different solution this?

I suffer with anxiety so worry about standing up to DH

I'd ask your DH if he is seriously telling you he's not able to listen to his daughter's wishes and help her to get dressed. It's really not that hard.

The actual issue here is that your DH doesn't agree with how to handle your DD's sensory issues. Do you know why he disagrees? Have you had any input from specialists about the best way of handling it that you can use to discuss with him how dressing her needs to be done?

Why do you own clothes that she won't wear? Could you please answer this question that has been asked multiple times? Or even better, just throw them away?

It's simple surely if you've packed away what she won't wear? He puts her in cotton tights and chooses some shorts/skirt/dress to go with them, then she gets to pick a top. Why is he turning it into such a battle?

I keep the clothes in case DD changes her mind, she does that a lot. One day she likes Fish the next she doesn't, similarly one day she loves her wellies and will happily wear them the next day she hates them and prefers her shoes. I keep them in case she has a sudden change of heart and wants to wear them, she can't make the choice if she can't see them can she?

DH does anything for an easy life and I think he's struggling a bit. I posted previously about my MIL not believing in DDs conditions so I'm wondering if he's trying to downplay them so she might have more input with us. We do have a paediatrician but he's not met DD yet as he has no appointments until February but she has help at Nursery and her 1-1 has experience with similar children and told us to just follow DDs preference when it comes to clothes.

Ask him if he'd be happy going to work in scratchy tights and a dress with Godzilla on it? And when he says no, ask him to please explain what his own clothes rules are. And then point out that she's just a little human being trying to make her way in the world, finding out what she likes, what's comfortable for her, what's available, and what's appropriate; not very different to him, but without the benefit of his years of experience and language and status.
Might that work?

on I will have ago at that I think, he has a uniform for work which he hates as it's a polyester shirt but he has no choice what he wears as he works for them. The only rules DDs nursery have are that clothes should be comfortable and practical for indoor and outdoor play.

If he wants an easier life then surely it's easier to dress her in clothes she's comfortable in rather than have a massive set-to and tantrum about trying to force her into the disliked clothes?!

Honestly what you described is easy enough to understand. It seems like he's trying to prove a point about the sensory issues more than anything else.

If he wants an easier life then surely it's easier to dress her in clothes she's comfortable in rather than have a massive set-to and tantrum about trying to force her into the disliked clothes?!

Honestly what you described is easy enough to understand. It seems like he's trying to prove a point about the sensory issues more than anything else.

I don’t have lots of advice but I have a six year old with sensory processing disorder and possible asd/pda. We have lots of issues around getting dressed but found have a peg helps us. We have a wooden peg tail at accessible height and each night before bed we choose with him what he’ll wear tomorrow (school uniform
Most days now!) then we hang it on the peg. It takes the discussion and most issues away. For us the issue isn’t only about the feel of clothes though it’s also about the demand being placed on him to get dressed. Clothes have to be on the right peg or he has a meltdown . It helps
Us because there is less pressure in the evening than in the morning so there is time for him to think and decide and change his mind and we are more relaxed about that as we’re not trying to get out of the house!

Sorry! That’s a peg rail not a peg tail!!

As Assassinated says, if he wants an easy life, the best route to it is dressing her in what she wants to wear. Unless he wants things a certain way (her wearing what you tell her to) but wants you to do all the work and face up to her resistance to this plan.

One of my DCs only wanted to wear soft cotton jersey fabrics so it's jogging bottoms and t shirts a go go here!
Honestly, I gave everything else to charity shops and dressing is easy as their wardrobe is 100% wearable.
He doesn't have disability either, it's just his preference so we respect it.
Sometimes an item falls out of favour, for him it does not change so off it goes in the charity bag.
Is your DH being an arse as a way of protesting about having the responsibility of dressing her each day. Maybe he thinks it's wifework?

I keep them in case she has a sudden change of heart and wants to wear them, she can't make the choice if she can't see them can she?

Indeed. So she'd choose from what she's got that you know she will wear.

Honestly, OP, she's 2, she has a lifetime to change her mind and decide to try jeans or whatever. Just for now, remove the choice. It's not necessary and it's leading to stress.

Once in a while, take her shopping and let her choose new things. Otherwise just don't hang onto choices that are muddying the waters for your DH. There's no benefit at this stage in her life, only downsides.

what makes you think she has 'sensory issues' over and above any other toddler.She sounds perfectly normal to me.Stop ingulging her so much!

if sometimes she will wear something and somedays not, it sounds just like brattishness

When dc's were in preschool whoever put kids to bed got them to choose what they were going to wear then next day Inc underwear and laid it out. Drawers would only have seasonal stuff generally so dc weren't too hot/cold. Every now and then dd would decide something different in the morning but generally put on what they had picked previous night. Worked well, we didn't used to to it this way but after too many battles in the morning getting dd1 to wear something suitable and also the added pressure of getting out on time it really helped.

Why shouldn’t kids have an opinion on what they wear firecracker? The end game result you want for kids is that they independently choose and dress in their clothes. I certainly encourage my older kids to do that now so why would I not entertain their preference when they begin to express one?

I'm sure it's sensory issues because she only screams when she wears certain fabrics or materials.

I take the point about the clothes she won't wear though, I'll hide them away and just bring them out occasionally to see if she's changed her mind. Thankfully most of her clothes are ok for Nursery so not bothered about having a Nursery uniform drawer or anything, she'll be going to the preschool soon and they have to wear a uniform at the preschool anyway which will be interesting...