Sharing hotel room with friend... AIBU

[LittleMissUnreasonable]

Hello, first post so please be kind :) I'll keep it short but sweet

Friends birthday party is being held in a major city so very expensive to organise accommodation.
All of our friends have been invited including partners who are also part of he friendship group.
The only single members of the group without DPs is me and one male partner (his gf can't attend due to money issues)
A hotel room on my own costs almost double what everyone is paying.
I don't feel comfortable sharing with the other male as his GF is quite paranoid about him sharing with another woman (understandable)
There is 1 couple in the whole group married and living together (my friend of years). I have therefore asked her if I can get a hotel room with her for the 1 night and suggested her Dp shares with the other single male (they are close mates).

The friend and her DP have got back to me and said they would rather not as they hardly see each other and spend time together and want to spend the night together .

AIBU by;

1. Being hurt by this as they are the only couple living together and can't bare to spend 1 night apart so I can attend
2. Feeling a bit scorned they didn't offer to help me find an alternative. Just dismissed it.
3. Feeling like they were the best call as they live together unlike the other friends who are all doing long distance.

Good Lord, you can't expect a married couple not to share a room!

I am afraid the high cost of single rooms is a downside of being single I remember well - but there's not much you can do. Have you tried ringing the hotel and asking whether they can offer any additional discount?

I expect she's looking forward to a romantic night away with her partner. And maybe he's uncomfortable at the thought of sharing a room with his friend.

Sharing rooms with someone who isn't your partner/family can be awkward and claustrophobic. It's understandable a couple want to share with each other.

I have a DP by the way (he was unable to attend due to work commitments) but would like to think if we were in the same scenario we'd both suck it up for 1 night so 1 other person could go. It's not like the single person would be unreasonable by being single or not earning much but I also see the side where it's not the couples responsibility over that single person.

I think the thing to have done was to have spoken up before the hotel was booked, and suggested a Premier Inn or something so accommodation wasn't such an expense.

That's usually what happens in our friendship or family groups - whoever is getting the ball rolling needs to know individual preferences (cot, no stairs, windows that open etc etc).

I'm sorry though, it does hurt when you feel your situation hasn't been considered by your friends.

I can understand your logic, but I think that from their point of view they are paying for a nice hotel room and so that means getting their money’s worth by being able to enjoy it together (and do all the stuff that couples do in hotels). It does seem a bit odd that they say they hardly see each other if they live together, does one of them work away a lot maybe? However even if they are literally sharing the same bed each night there is something about spending couple time together on a trip away which is quite special, sorry. And it’s almost obligatory to shag after a party, or at least the next morning. I know it sucks being single (had 8 years of it in my thirties) and do feel for you though. It also sucks a bit that your friend has chosen such an expensive location.

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time but for some reason a night at a hotel does feel totally different and more exciting than a night in your own bed, so it would be something I would be looking forward to.

It does suck being the single one on occasions like this though as it’s not exactly exciting staying in a hotel room solo. It might be worth ringing the hotel and seeing if there’s anything they can do on price given how much custom your group is bringing, otherwise I guess start saving up..

YABU, seriously.

Peapodburgundy - I think some people missed the memory about be nice it's my first post ....

I've been lurking for a while on this site and think its a great community. I was nervous about posting but am honestly shocked at the backlash I'm getting and people getting offended I dare suggest splitting a married couple up....it's not gospel. I accepted their decline with grace and wondered if I was unreasonable to feel hurt about it. I am making me own arrangements as we speak. Jeeze

Paranoid?

No she isn't actually - she's simply illustrating what most in this thread have said and what the other couple have also made clear - sharing a room is only a small deal if you decide it is. Even sharing with a friend is fairly intimate and means that real personal space and the chance to really relax is gone!

I know for a fact that if it were my DH, I'd be less bothered by the thought of him sharing with a female (though not ecstatic) than he would be- he'd HATE the thought of having to bunk up with someone else especially of the opposite sex. He'd just feel he couldn't relax or return to the cave.

I see that the cost thing is a total bummer though.

Just seen your update OP....

But you haven’t said you can’t go? It’s not so you can go, it’s so you can save money. So they’d be getting a much worse situation for their money where you would just be saving 50% on what it would otherwise cost you..

*memo not memory

LittleMiss you aren’t unreasonable to be low earning or to be attending without a partner, that’s quite an odd way to put it.

You are deeply unreasonable to consider it to be anyone’s problem other than your own.

I would have said yes pre kids.

Why are you all staying in such an expensive hotel? You can't really afford it; the girlfriend of the other unaccompanied bloke couldn't afford to go at all (that's a bit weird, isn't it? How long have they been together?)
Is it possible to switch at this point?

Could you take a female friend or relative, to help spread the cost? Maybe offer to pay half of their share of the room cost?
You're not taking your partner so maybe they could accompany you to the event or alternatively just enjoy a visit to somewhere whilst you are at the party.

MyKingdomforbrie
it’s not exactly exciting staying in a hotel room solo

Unless you have kids under 3. In which case it is possibly the single most exciting thing that could ever ever happen to you 😀.

Are the hotel rooms booked? I'd definitely see if male friend in the other single room, and maybe another couple (to allay his GF's jealousy fears) could come in with you on a cottage/air b n b or whatever.

TBH the person you should be hurt by is the birthday friend who organised a birthday weekend in an outrageously expensive place without considering whether her best friend could afford it.

OP you haven’t been flamed here at all, most people have quite carefully explained why you got this one wrong here, and expressed sympathy for your position. You can’t have been lurking long if you think that this is a real flaming!

Tell us which city and the name of the expensive hotel and the hive mind will help you find somewhere better value!

I’m sorry OP but I agree with PP’s, a night in a hotel with DH is a rare and wonderful treat. I wouldn’t want to swap with you either.

YABVU. I wouldn’t want to pay good money for a hotel room to spend the night with my husband in another room.
The accommodation issues are your problem, not your friends, stop trying to make her feel bad about your problem.

I think that you need to be proactive here and if the hotel rooms aren't already booked, I would find an apartment with at least three bedrooms and see if you can get a couple and the single man to share with you. Even if you split the cost three ways I expect it will be cheaper for everyone than the hotel.

I am guessing you know that YABU by now! In your position I would look for a cheaper Airbnb that you stay in for the night that was close by.

Pricilla.....I'm not don't know where you got that from. If you read the thread you'd see that I said I accepted what they had said with grace and left it. Didn't make anyone feel bad....

Thanks everyone else for your helpful replies. I've had a message off a girl going last minute who said she's got no one to share a room with so we're getting one sorted :)