To have left feeling quite upset?

[Mumsiemummy1]

Today we have spent the afternoon at the in laws. I was quite looking forward to it, even though generally mil and I don't have the closest relationship, but it's nice to take DD and usually fine.

Today I have left feeling quite upset. Alot of the behaviour isn't untypical of them, but it seems to have touched a nerve today.

DD for some reason has been very clingy with dh for the last few days. It's very sweet and causes no issue between dh and I, however all afternoon today I have been made to feel utterly worthless by mil and gmil who have spent the entire afternoon talking and commenting on how she only wants dh. Even when DD reached for me, she would either be pulled from my arms, or it would be followed by "oh look she want the remote", or some other inanimate object close by rather than her wanting her mum.

When dh left the room, DD would be antagonised by both commenting on "where's daddy" etc which would have DD wriggling in my arms, to which she would then be pulled away.

I actually ended up having a little cry in the toilet as it was breaking my heart a little. There was no social awareness that it might be nice to follow it with some kind of acknowledgement of my existence.

On top of this, I have today for the millionth time had to defend my business to mil and gmil who constantly make comments like "oh so it's still busy", "oh I thought it would be around anymore". I have worked for 5 years building my business that emplys 3 fulltime members of staff and is on track for it's best year yet. Admittedly it is an industry they know little about, but it's rude and hurtful to keep assuming it's a day away from closure just because they don't take the time to understand it.

I was also called fat by both mil and gmil, who like to comment on my size as I am 20 weeks pregnant. My dd is only 9 months old so I am a little sensitive about my weight, as didn't have alot of time to recover from DD, but as two women, surely there should be more social awareness about making these kind of comments to any woman.

I feel really low and insecure now I'm home. Would you feel the same? Am I over reacting?

They sound awful. My Dp's family can be quite difficult, especially mil, who lives quite nearby. I think you're right that you can't change them, but you can start to draw a line between what you will and will not tolerate. You need a strategy to deal with this behaviour, e.g. if they are rude you will call them on it or leave, you do need your dh on board and the influence on the dcs is a good point to make to him.

You sound amazing, btw, please don't let these horrible people bring you down.

YANBU . I was putting up with alot of BS from PIL untill one day when they went too far and I thought why am I putting up with this rubbish. Now we're NC and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Just walk away of they want to see DH let them arrange thst with your DH

The next time she is rude pick up your child, walk up to your husband say she’s being rude again please talk to her and walk straight out the house and don’t return until you get an apology. Rinse and repeat as necessary

You're pregnant, you could have a huge tantrum about this rudeness, nobody will be able to act annoyed because you can just say it's your hormones making you sensitive.

Use your tantrum to set some new rules for going forward.

They sound horrible though, so I'd honestly just visit a lot less anyway!

Op the time to quash this is now - not when they say something nasty to your child. By that stage your DD will have heard any number of rude things said to you. Don’t let her think it is normal for people to treat her mother that way.