struggling at work - aibu

[bluepoppyrose]

The short version of this is, ive been working as a support worker/care assistant. I have a 2:1 degree from a RG university but this job seemed to suit in terms of hours, little responsibility and work around the children.

Yet i seem to be crap at it and it has really affected my confidence. Although i am kind and caring many of the service users seem to dislike me. They don't like my accent and they make derogatory comments about not wantig inexperienced carers. So sometimes they will shout at me for being early/late but not the other carer.

I find one man gets very angry when i am near and i dont know why.

So aibu to conclude this line of work just does not suit me and bow out now?

Sorry to read you’re not enjoying the job.look for another job from current job
What do you want to do,where would you like to end up?

I think I’m going to go against the grain here.
If the majority are lovely, I think one person who is irritable/short with you per shift is probably similar to what I experienced working as an auxiliary in the hospital and it doesn’t mean you are bad at your job.
So maybe it’s just about learning better ways to deal with their irritability/frustration and the reasons why e.g fear/you being unfamiliar.
I did find the majority of patients a pleasure to work with but like I say I did get some that could be downright rude and nasty (rather than distressed or confused etc) and I just couldn’t survive on the low pay and coping with the stress. I isn’t leave because I felt I was bad at my job.
If the job suits your life and the majority of the service users like you, then maybe it’s just about finding ways to deal with them.

I don't think a 2:1 from an RG university equips you to be a good support worker. It's a criminally underpaid job that is actually really difficult to do well and requires a great deal of skill. I used to support adults with learning disabilities and I could never just go through a day on autopilot like I sometimes do now in my current desk job. Which is paid far more.

Some people do enjoy this kind of work and some people seem to have a natural affinity for it. If that's not the case, it is possible to learn the job, as with any job, but I feel that you really do have to like and care about the people you support. If you're hating it, and the pay is shit, then where's the motivation?

It isn't just that. Yes, you can challenge some stuff but mostly it is just constant swipes. Like Mary goes to Doris' at 8 o clock every night but when I do that it is too early. Even though it isn't. Just an excuse to lay into me.

No need for anyone to be on the defensive. I am not here to argue with anyone.

Ok, I know that type of work isn't for everyone. Tbh I've spent my entire adult life working out 'what I want to be'. Career paths etc aren't linear.

So far we know you'd like a job that works around your children. Are they in school or still very young and do you have any other support?

What jobs or fields have you previously worked in or what field would you be interested in working in?

Vlad I've cried twice today as I am in tomorrow and I don't want to be. If you want to make me feel bad don't bother. I already do. Happy?

It’s not nice to be in a job you dislike.look for another job
I hope you get to where you want to be,and good luck

Could you say something like oh I’m sorry if I’m early. The office have me down for x time so I thought I was on track. What time do your carers normally arrive? If it’s a problem me being this early would you like the time changed with the office?
I sometimes think if people are met with complete professionalism and politeness they have no arguement or comeback. It can be difficult if someone is deliberately being rude however without reason.
Then may give you an easier time and lay off next time.
Or you could do what I did and leave for something else.
Depends if you want to learn and think it’s worth it.

I just feel like it's me. I feel like I must be useless and stupid.

Just try and ignore the nasty comments, concentrate on the nice people.

It makes no difference tipsy

I don't even get called by name. Just my race.

Is there anything else you could do? Some jobs just don't suit everyone and if your dreading going in then time for a shift.

Probably not. I can't believe how much it has affected me in fact.

Wow, no excuse for that Vladimirs.

The OP has explained perfectly well why she wrote what she did, albeit after the fact, but you could still update your mindset.

I think if the info was written in a slight different way/ order it would be clear that the Op thinks that she is disliked for being white British. That is really sad.

Sometimes there cultural differences that can make a difference to how people conduct themselves or address people which can be difficult for both sides, but equally maybe the older people are just being racist or bullies or both. Being old doesn't automatically mean you are nice.

The moment I read this I was going to ask if you were black or of another ethnic minority. When my grandma got dementia she ended up in a nursing home where she regularly used to insult the black and Asian staff (she had always been quite racist, and of course dementia disinhibits). They used to just smile and shrug it off- God knows how they felt underneath .

Ok I didn’t realise that. This is really awful. You should make a note of anyone who is racist to you. Then report it and get taken off their Rita.
Also it would annoy me that other carers are overhearing racist remarks and presumably aren’t saying anything?
That’s not acceptable.
Sorry your going through this.
No one should have to put up with this at work and you should report it.

OP, quit this job. No job should make you feel like this. You're going to end up ill.

Get a job with a supermarket/ shop or behind a bar.

That is just plain sad. No wonder the patients are miserable and complaining if their carers don't genuinely care for them

Honestly just find anything else that suits.

No one ever says so explicitly.

But it is still there.

Anyway i will leave the job. I just feel sick st the thought of tomorrow. Stupid i know.

If it is really getting you you Blue then I would just leave.

It is a very hard job anyway by all accounts, so although a valuable job to the people who need care (even if they treat you like crap!), it isn't worth damaging your mental health over

Nothing is going to happen up racist service users, its par for the course. Racism is particularly common in dementia sufferers (along with other aggressions)

As a student nurse I was assaulted multiple times. only if a patient was responsible for their actions would anything happen

Care work can be a thankless task and it’s crap pay . Have you enquired at the local secondary schools to see if any have cover supervisor vacancies , that might suit you better. Long term do you have a career you would like to get into? If you want evening work I’d look at retail or internet shopping , places like Tesco employ people evenings / nights etc to pick and pack at the warehouse .

"I don't even get called by name. Just my race."

That's just vile! And you shouldn't have to put up with if even if they are old.

Sounds really tough OP.

It's not easy being constantly 'got at' in your job.
Is there a manager or anyone who could support you?