Think you shouldn't describe a child as 'sexy'

[loveablether]

A friend of my family is a born British male but lives/works in the Netherlands - speaking Dutch for more of his life than English - when he visits he sometimes has referred to my 3 yo Ds as ‘sexy’ - (happened twice) does anyone know if this is something that could be a innocent inappropriate mix up with languages? Do Dutch people use that term to describe children innocently? It made me feel uncomfortable and I have voiced concerns to DH who is supportive of my concerns but still a friend with the guy who visits about once or twice a year.

Totally inappropriate and creepy

Not appropriate whatever dialect/country he is from!

I would sit him down and explain the meaning of the word in this country. Then explain that using the word therefore is galactically inappropriate. Ask him to not use the word again. It goes without saying that you keep a close eye on interactions between him and your Dd and if you have any worries, stop the visits.

I think coming from an unrelated male that is very strange.

And coming from a related male is not strange

You need to change his name from 'friend of the family' to 'random perv I used to know'.

Wrong. Really wrong.

My godparents, once described me as a “sod” when I was firstborn. I think they thought it was a complimentary term. English wasn’t their first language.

I’m not saying this is the case with this guy but some words that sound lovely in the mother tongue are translated as creepy and inappropriate.

I had a similar problem with Germans at work. We are a marketing firm and they wanted to create a poster with a child eating an ice cream and the slogan "attractive offers". They couldn't see any reason why you couldn't stick a picture of a child and the word attractive together. "Yes, but the child is attracted to the ice cream."
Not quite the same as sexy but similar. Sexy here definitely means Sexy. I once accidentally ended up at an s&m night because a friend told me you had to dress sexy and I just thought it meant they had a strict dress code.

They couldn't see any reason why you couldn't stick a picture of a child and the word attractive together

I'm with them on that one! The word attractive wasn't about the child so there's nothing wrong with it! That's like saying you can't say 'the child lived in an attractive house', or 'buy your child this art set in an attractive wooden box'!

I’d be surprised if this is a translation issue as the Dutch are phenomenal at English as their teaching is so good. But it might be a genuine mistake. I’d give benefit of the doubt and if it happens again, correct immediately at the time and say it’s not an appropriate use of the word for a child.

YANBU. In my book, sexy means sexually attractive - I’d be pulling him on it

I wouldn’t say it and don’t like it but it’s common in some other countries and folk don’t seem to give it another thought. If a friend from elsewhere used it in the UK i might warn them they might get some funny looks.

I do know one person who uses sexy to mean cute. Her whole family does. She knows now that it has a different meaning for the 99% but was at university when she found out. She has stopped using the word as far as possible.

Just ask him. I wouldn't label him a sexual predator just yet.

Lots of people think twat is a cute endearment or f*cktard is just like silly Billy.

Derelict a picture of a child and the slogan 'attractive offers' and you can't see a problem. Don't ever take a job in marketing!

My dp used to call his dd sexy at 3! I explained how wrong it sounded to me and probably everyone else who heard him, he hasn't done it since. I think it's creepy and would definitely tell him.

A previous thread was about a DM calling her own baby 'my sexy little man'. Yuk!

I wouldn’t like it at all and would pull him up on it. He might well simply mean that your DD is cute so I would give him the benefit of the doubt. If he was saying it in innocence then when you explain what people will think he will be mortified.

I have just returned to Australia after 8.5 years in the Netherlands. NOBODY would call a child "sexy" there. It's probably even more icky in their culture than it is here. (BTW - If he did that there, I'm pretty sure someone would be called in to have a word about it.)

Agree with Mittens. You need to tell him it's unacceptable. If he is a perv, you are warning him off. If he is not a perv, you will be doing him a huge favour.

I know British people who use sexy in relation to their children. I don't like it and would pull up anyone using it about my children though.

Definitely speak to him about it. Yuk.

Ugh my cousin's (batshit-crazy) fiancée has put several pictures of their son on Facebook captioned like that. One was a "throwback" picture of him as a newborn - A NEWBORN - with the caption "sooooo sexy"

In fact Beez I wonder if the thread was about her, she has had that exact same caption recently on a picture of him!

I have a British friend who calls her dd sexy. Makes me cringe

I read an interesting article recently about one of those InstaMums who kept putting pictures of her baby daughter on Instagram and went viral and had squillions and squillions of followers. There were some extremely questionable comments, and they frequently referred to her as "sexy". I think there was a suggestion that some people meant it as a sort of mistranslation of "fancy" or "all dolled up" or something. I don't think it was talking about Dutch people though.

I agree with Show though, I wouldn't write him off without asking him!

I throw up in my mouth when I see people caption photos with ‘my sexy little man’

Fuck off. He’s 8 months old you utter creep.

It’s NEVER appropriate.