I didn't want children until i met...You will see when you meet the right person...

[Fragola76]

AIBU to get irritated by these words, since i am happily married?

I'm in my forties, no children by choice. However, i have been with DH for 20 years, still crazy about each other and have a great life together. Decided not to have children because we weren't fussed and had a fabulous life, so preferred not to upset the balance (not because we didn't love each other, as these people seem to infer!).

I would have liked a little version of my husband. Doesn't seem like a good enough reason to have children though, on its own.

Amongst others, I have had this comment from someone pregnant by a bloke that she had known for 4 months (yeah let's talk in 20 years) and yesterday by someone separated from the dad's child...

I don't know, it always irritates me but i probably am being unreasonable...

[Raisedbyguineapigs]

rogan If people really are so dim that they can't make small talk without being offensive then they really shouldn't be allowed to speak to people!

[Flokidoki]

I think this is one of those things all of us get a variation of:

Have no children, people comment as you've discussed.
Have one child, people constantly ask when the next one is coming.
Have a third, people say 'but you already had two.'
Have more than three, and you're criticised / people are baffled that a person would want that many children.

I think a lot does come from people thinking their choices were the correct one (because it works for them) and therefore judging people for not following the same path.

Of course, sometimes it is just small talk. Other times I think people really do need to think about what, and why, they're making comments/suggestions/warnings to others.

[stevie69]

Well. let's just hope that I never meet the right person then

[BernardBlacksHangover]

I think a lot does come from people thinking their choices were the correct one (because it works for them) and therefore judging people for not following the same path.

This^^ is what I think too. I always say this on here, but it should be obvious; parenthood really isn’t what everyone wants or should do! I hate, hate, hate it when people try to convince people to procreate when they quite clearly have no desire to do so. Beak out!

And re the op; that is very rude. I can’t believe people actually have the gall to say that! Unless they think you’re single, hate your dh or there’s some other massive back story.

[BernardBlacksHangover]

stevie

I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you ! Seriously, I applaud people who choose not to have children if that’s the right thing for them. It’s horrible when people are pressured into having dc they don’t want.

[Ecclesiastes]

Fuck me, looks like I touched a nerve.

I still say having kids is a mug's game. C'mon haters. You know I'm right

[Fragola76]

Crunchymum yes people know that I am childless by choice but i think quite often people don't believe that's true, because surely noone is childless by choice!?

Bernardblackshangover no defo no back story! Some of the people making those remarks didn't always know me well, or even knew my husband

Regarding kids as insurance against loneliness, well don't think that we don't all consider it. However, i like to think a lot of us are reasonable enough to know that's not right. Plus... so many if...at the end of the day kids could equally put so much pressure on the relationship (time, money, health ect) that you'd split up anyway, who knows...

[Tipsytopsyturvy]

No Eccles I certainly don’t hate you. Just worry your defensiveness is because you haven’t made the right decision for you.
I hope I’m wrong.
Anyway Eccles, on a Saturday night, I thought you’d be out spending your disposable income. Rather than winding up women that have chosen to procreate. No?

[RosaTheOwl]

Ecclesiastises "And I've never had any voids in my life that art and nature can't fill to overflowing."

This. So much this.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

I’m a mother, and I find it very depressing that some people think all a woman needs is a man to make her see sense no one should have kids who doesn’t really want them. It’s fucking hard work and I 100% understand women not wanting children

I had a colleague once who, not long after she married a man with 2 kids from a previous relationship, was asked by another colleague if she’d have kids with him. She said “I left it up to him. If he wanted to have more kids I’d have done it for him, but he didn’t so he got the snip”.

I felt sad that she pinned such an important decision on what he wanted and that, had he actually wanted more kids, she’d go through something so life-changing that she herself is clearly not bothered about.

[MistressPage]

Ecclesiastes, you didn't so much touch a nerve, as just sound like a bit of a massive wally

[Aria2015]

Yeah I’ve never got this! I do have a lo but was with my dh for over a decade beforehand. We were (still are) incredibly happy and I couldn’t love him more but that love did not induce a feeling of needing to procreate (just induced the feeling of wanting to practice ). YANBU!

[FruitCider]

I only had a child because I wanted to have a child with DP and no one else, simply because I trust him to do right by his child come What May of our relationship. I don’t think I would have had a child with anyone else. Not having a child doesn’t male you incomplete, there is far more to women than producing offspring.

I love blueyachts response 😂

[Fishfingersandwichnocheese]

How incredibly rude. It's rude even if you are single but since you are married the implication about your husband/marriage is doubley so.

[Fishfingersandwichnocheese]

The whole "no one to look after you when you're old" really gobs my smack.


I mean wtf ? What a hideous reason to bring a person into the world - purely to look after you in your old age ???

[sashh]

I usually answer, "But I have cream sofas" in an agast voice.

Although not been asked lately - in my 50s now.