To expect my PIL to know how old my daughter is?

[NataliaOsipova]

Geunuinely interested in a bit of perspective! Younger daughter's birthday a few weeks ago. Saw the PIL - for the first time in six months - recently. FIL was asking how old she was as he and MIL had thought she was a year younger.

They had, in fairness, sent her a birthday card with some money in it, so I can't in any way claim they forgot the date. But I was a bit nonplussed that they didn't know how old their grandchild was! Am I being a bit picky, it is this another pretty definite sign of a total lack of interest on their part?

well if they haven't seen GD in 6 months then there lies the answer.

Are they more interested in their other GC or is it that they're too elderly to visit?

How many grandchildren are there?

1. My children are the youngest, so little DD is the very youngest.

I forget my own age quite often.

Are they more interested in their other GC or is it that they're too elderly to visit?

I would say the former! They are elderly, but still drive, go out with friends etc and MIL does hobbies (think U3A type stuff).

9 is a lot to keep up with. I wouldn't worry about it.

Unfortunately that's the kind of stuff my mum (not elderly) comes out with after not seeing my kids for a while. So that crossed my mind but that just shows what my family is like

My “thing” for dates is being able, always quickly and sometimes instantly, to turn a date into a day of the week.

DW and I went to see a surgeon, a chap whom alas we know well, and heard that it was his birthday.

She joked about “21 today” and he said “I wish - try 58”. To which I answered “Oh, Sunday’s child” and left him to work out how I knew.

Sad, I suppose!

I have to think really quite hard to remember how old my children are, never mind grandchildren. My mum can't remember how old I am. I don't care!
Give your PILS a break...they remembered the date and that's what matters.

It depends on the context imo. My parents don't give a damn about me or my dc and so it's not very surprising when they rarely knew my dc ages when we were in contact.

People who can forget their own child's birthday when they live with them have pretty much already shown their lack of interest tho!!

If the grandparents are otherwise loving and interested then I wouldn't sweat it as it is easily done tbh.

I would be miffed but my kids’ grandparents don’t have many grandchildren and they see each other a lot so quite a different scenario.

Nine grandchildren! Of course they can't remember! Honestly, this isn't worth worrying about.

If the grandparents are otherwise loving and interested then I wouldn't sweat it as it is easily done

I suppose this is the nub of it; I don't think they are particularly loving or interested, hence I maybe took a minor issue to heart.

I forget my own age and have even given the wrong date of birth for my dc1 (only once!)
I have a brilliant memory, but not for dates/ages so I keep them in my diary asking with the year of birth (eg susan 2012) so I can work out ages when I need to. I do this for family, friends and even some colleagues so I probably appear to have a good memory for this when I really don't.

Worked brilliantly until the calendar went screwy a couple of years ago and moved loads of entries to 31 December and deleted others. No idea how it happened but it caused no end of annoyance trying to fix it!

I can never remember my DS's birthday. I'm sure I will get better once he's had a few more of them! I really don't think it's a big deal - it's easily done, I'm sure!

I wouldn't be offended. I had to ask DS the other day how old he was going to be and he's only 8 9.

I had to ring my friend to ask her what year I was born! For some reason I thought it was 67, couldn't work out why I was 6 years older if I was born in 67, rather than the correct year, 1961! My brother was born in 67, no idea what I was thinking. I hasten to add this wasn't recent, so I can't blame my age! Thinking about it, it was about 15 years ago, there's no hope for me!

I suspect your posts saying that the GPs are more interested in their other GC will just drowned out OP 😂

All you can do is know that it is their loss, but it is very unfair on your DC.

Have you tried to get them to be more interested e.g. visit them more, invite them over to stay?

I don't think they are particularly loving or interested, hence I maybe took a minor issue to heart.

Then you just need to protect your dc as much as you can from them and accept their limitations.

You can't make people care you can only manage your own response to it and make sure your children aren't hurt by it.

My son was 6 for two or three years - I simply had a block on how old he actually was. I can never remember how old my parents are... I know how old they were when I was born, but as - like a previous poster - I can never remember how old I am, it's sort of a moot point (when I attended a hospital appointment the other week, they asked for my date of birth to confirm I am who I said I was... I gave them the wrong year!).

My grandmother can't remember how to spell not only my name, but also my daughter's. She doesn't send cards anymore, because she forgets. My oldest brother forgets birthdays (my SIL refuses point blank to be held responsible for "his" side of the family... and I applaud her for that!), and whilst my aunt and other brother remembered not only mine and my daughter's birthdays this year... they forgot my son's!

Birthdays and age don't make us who we are. And if your inlaws love your children... they'll make up for it in other ways. If they don't, maybe then there's an issue.

I'm always forgetting my nieces and nephews ages. And my own. I get my own DC right, but that's about it.

Prepare to get flamed...you have mentioned something negative about your pil. They can do no wrong here in my experience.

Please tell me that is some sort of sarcastic post @xhannahx

Have you tried to get them to be more interested e.g. visit them more, invite them over to stay?

They live about 20 minutes away! To be honest, I did when they were small and seemed to get no interest back, so gave up after a while. Their loss and all that! I was interested in the age question as I thought it was a reasonably "objective" question. So I'm grateful for all the responses!

You can't make people care you can only manage your own response to it and make sure your children aren't hurt by it.

That's very insightful - you're spot on - thank you!

If they're elderly & she's the youngest of 9 grandkids it's unlikely that she's doing anything they haven't seen before 8 times!

She's your world, but she's probably diluted by the others, plus they've probably got lots of other things to think about too.

I have to sit & think how old my kids are & I've only got 2 - at least they're remembering the date!

StepMIL is terrible when it comes to clothes.

DS 1st birthday she got him a snowsuit in 6-9.

DD 3rd birthday, a dress in 6-7 “to grow into”
4th birthday, she got her a dress in 2-3