To expect my PIL to know how old my daughter is?

[NataliaOsipova]

Geunuinely interested in a bit of perspective! Younger daughter's birthday a few weeks ago. Saw the PIL - for the first time in six months - recently. FIL was asking how old she was as he and MIL had thought she was a year younger.

They had, in fairness, sent her a birthday card with some money in it, so I can't in any way claim they forgot the date. But I was a bit nonplussed that they didn't know how old their grandchild was! Am I being a bit picky, it is this another pretty definite sign of a total lack of interest on their part?

As she is one of many, it's par the course. My grandparents can't remember our names, let alone ages! And that's been the case for years, so it's not due to old age, more like too many ages and names to remember!They thought she was 7, rather than 6? That's not bad.

My Dad can never remember how old I am...

Do you know the ages of all your relatives? I don't.

I do! Maybe that's why it rankled a bit with me. Happy to accept it's just me though!

YABU- it's pretty normal to have to ask age of family members. They got her something for her birthday which shows plenty of interest

Didn't Princess Diana forget Prince Williams age when he was about 4yo? I seem to remember a Giles cartoon about it.

I got my son’s age wrong a few weeks ago (26)

Same as my eldest. I have made the same mistake with all of them. I also call them by the wrong names sometimes.

They have promised to find a nice care home for me

My mil seems to have a serious problem with remembering dates and ages. Doesn't seem to affect any other area of her life, but doesn't remember a single one of her grandchildren's birthdays (or the older ones ages), more to the point doesn't remember her own children's birthdays and ages. I also question if it's genuinely forgetfulness or just lack of interest.

On the one hand, I do understand you get more muddled as you age. I barely remember my own name some days and I'm only 30! However, I think it's getting to the point of inexcusable (bar medical reasons obviously) in this day to not have several ways to remind you of a date and age of a close family member's birthday. Ultimately though, they did remember the date, that for me is more important than age which really can be easily muddled even when very young!

I don't think it's asking much to expect a significant family.member like pil, to remember the age of their own (young) gc. Sure, once she is older I wouldn't expect the same, but she's 6!

It would definitely upset me.

I do! Maybe that's why it rankled a bit with me

The thing is I'm the one in the wider family who does know all the dates/names etc. People often check with me.

However ask me on the spur of the moment and I'll often get it wrong. I probably should just pay more attention :)

My DM and DDad forget how old I am. And my siblings.
I struggle to remember how old my family are too.
We are a close family and I see my parents and siblings at least once a week, we've all just got bad memories for ages!

They’re elderly with several gcs. You’re being sensitive. It’s the relationship that counts. It’s not a memory contest. I have ME/CFS and my memory is dreadful due to disability. For me, it’s a bit like having dementia so I truly know what it’s like to be old in that respect. I’m 46. You’re being harsh.

The thing is, the years go so fast when you get older, sometimes it's difficult to keep track of everything. If they are kind and loving, that's what's important.

My MIL forgets how old her own kids are and no idea of the ages of the grandkids and we live next door so she sees ours daily. Still she asked the other day if DD will be 3 or 4 next birthday.

Ah well, if there's loads of other grandkids/nieces/nephews/assorted randoms... I'd cut them some slack personally, especially as they did remember to send a card and present.

I've got a home made page (stapled in the back of my address book) showing all the months of the year with people's birthdays written in, so I can see at a glance whose birthday is coming up this month. I also wrote the year of birth in because I don't trust my memory; I might remember this year but possibly not next year, who knows? It just helps to keep track.

My mum sent me a massive "Happy 30th birthday" card, a box with a massive "30 Today" balloon and a big box of Lush cosmetics to my work on my 29th birthday.

When I told her I wasn't 30 for another year, she actually told me I was wrong . It transpired she'd thought I was a year older than I actually was since my 18th birthday. She got that one right but then kind of skipped 19 and went straight on to 20. She's still not fully convinced I'm actually the age I am.

Seeing that I sometimes have to think about how old my own dcs are (and I always have to calculated how old I am myself), I can’t say I wouod be offended in any way by the question.

My own grand father still doesn’t know my date of birth. I am born one day after him but 46 (had to think) years in, he still doesn’t ‘know’.

Some people are very attached to b’days, age etc others aren’t. It doesn’t mean that those who don’t always remember the date of birth or age are any less caring towards said person.

In fairness, they are a) pretty elderly and b) she is the youngest of many grandchildren.

Yet you still try to accuse them of forgetting your DD's age because they have no interest in her.
You have too much time on your hands.

I shared a flat with a friend from university for many years, who is my little DD's godfather. His mum always remembers both girls' birthdays (despite having never actually met them!) and sent my younger DD a lovely card with a 6 on it......so I think the contrast made me stop and think! But people are different and have different strengths/focus etc, I know.

I have a "thing" for dates and numbers. They come to me much easier than letters/spelling. I would probably be annoyed if PILs got the kids ages wrong. Irrationally so. I was pretty annoyed when Ds was given a "baby's first Christmas" gift on his 2nd Xmas.

That said, i accidentally told a HCP I was 3 years younger than I actually am at a recent appointment.

My mum sent me a massive "Happy 30th birthday" card, a box with a massive "30 Today" balloon and a big box of Lush cosmetics to my work on my 29th birthday.

My grandmother did similar for my 18th... on my 17th birthday! I never mentioned it to her, so I also got a 21st card on my 20th. NC by my 29th (for different reasons!) but otherwise I'd have expected a 30th card.

Give 'em a break. Their age changes every year.

My elderly mum used to have to double check with me as she once quite innoncently sent her DGS a 6 card when he was 7. It became a family joke (in a nice way), but she had 9 GC all born within about a 6 year space so did get confused.

Similar to other posters, my own mother once sent me a 'landmark' birthday card two years before I actually reached that birthday. People make mistakes.

My father got my age wrong when I was 13 he even gave me the same card he gave me the year before, no big deal, he had four kids, he remembered my birthday that was the important point.

How many grandchildren are there?

My grandparents had so many to keep track of (20>) They mixed up our names, never mind ages! Just be happy they remembered the day.