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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 7 is to young for sleepovers?

100 replies

Henrythehoover · 09/11/2017 09:40

Just that really. My youngest who's 7 goes round his friends now and again for dinner. Yesterday his dad approached me while I was picking him up from school he the boys dad came up to us and said "not this weekend but the next your son can come and stay Fri and Sat with is" obviously d's thought this was amazing and got all excited and before I could say anything the dad walked off. Aibu to think he's well to young for that. The only place he stays away from me is his dad's every other weekend and that's it. My oldest 12 only started sleepovers a couple of years ago and my middle son 9 has never been to one.

OP posts:

Atthebottomofthegarden · 09/11/2017 18:24

Depends who they are going to. Many kids have sleepovers or aunties etc when they are tiny.

And depends on the child. I remember carefully explaining to my DD that you need to be at least 4 to go on a sleepover - she duly did, at a close friend, and loved it! Many children are not ready at that age.

paxillin · 09/11/2017 18:29

Whatever you decide, I'd ask the dad not to ask in front of the kids again. I told my kids asking in front of them doesn't mean yes, there have been many instances.

One parent was so bad (offering fabulous days out when we weren't home etc) I ended up telling her any outing offered in front of DC is an automatic "no" in future. Had to do it once, too.

Dancer123456 · 09/11/2017 18:43

There is no way I would let a 7 year old have a sleepover in those circumstances.

I would need to know and trust everyone living in that house first.

My five year old has been to grandparents or to family friends (with us in the same house). I wouldn’t do more than that at age 7 unless I knew the parents really well.

Being in someone else’s house at 3am can be a daunting prospect for adults, who presumably know the people they are staying with.

A child who barely knows the parents? I’m just not comfortable with it.

LittleHearts · 09/11/2017 20:08

It does sound young to me. Don't do it if you feel uncomfortable.

lifetothefull · 09/11/2017 20:45

Really depends on children. I would only agree to one night though.

HouseworkIsAPain · 09/11/2017 20:56

It seems young to me. Especially if he is unsettled with your recent split. Even if he’s full of bravado in the day, at night he might need the security of being at home.

My DC had first sleepovers aged 9.

Adviceplease360 · 09/11/2017 21:06

Definitely too young. I don't see the point of sleepovers tbh. Never had them as a child and won't be allowing my kids them.

Didntcomeheretofuckspiders · 09/11/2017 21:12

From about that age my friends and I lived at each others houses on weekends... I had a sleepover lined up most weekends from the ages of 7 to 14!

starkid · 09/11/2017 21:14

I'd stay at my best friends houses (who my parents knew their parents well etc.) from the age of about 7, so if you know the family decently enouhgh a sleepover for 1 night is fine I'd say. Some kids don't like to stay away from family that young, but I was fine with it. Depends on the kid I guess.

TheOriginalNNB · 09/11/2017 21:18

I think 7 is too young but only because I then feel pressure to reciprocate

I am on dc3... I am REALLY over the whole sleepover thing, and find it all a faff tbh

Xmasbaby11 · 09/11/2017 21:23

I wouldn't if you don't know the family. I think that's quite a normal response. PP have mentioned abuse, and at 7 I think children are still vulnerable.

My DD is nearly 6 and I can't imagine her being ready for sleepvers anytime soon - but she has ASD so that probably changes things. She hasn't even been to a playdate on her own yet (not been invited).

user1499333856 · 09/11/2017 23:41

It's too young for me. And not with a family you don't know well.

Get to know them then see if you're comfortable. You're responsible for your child's safety at the end of the day. Do what you think is right.

SamoyedSam · 10/11/2017 02:07

I'm actually really surprised now, as it seems the majority of people here do feel 7 is too young... which puts me firmly in a minority as to what I am happy for my DC to do! I have co-slept with all my kids until they started primary school, at which point they naturally gravitated into their own rooms. I consciously based that decision on certain philosophy/theories around co-sleeping, which (perhaps counter-intuitively!?!) say it increases a child's independence as it (supposedly!?) forms a secure backdrop/foundation for them to explore from. I personally "believe" those theories but of course I realise it could be bollocks ! My eldest DS had his first sleepover at the age of 4; my youngest DD at 3. Even Tiny Two has stayed over at the house of a family member as a 1-off. Obviously parameters were carefully considered (long-standing family friends for those early sleepovers) but now they sleep at the houses of school-friends whose parents I class as acquaintances not close friends. They really enjoy it...in our family attending and reciprocating sleepovers is a huge part of their social lives. I do feel safe with the issues surrounding it - it is generally the same circle of 2 or 3 friends for each child, and whilst I completely see why people wouldn't want their kids out as often as mine (usually 1 per month for each kid, and one reciprocal trip) I have to say for my kids, seeing the pleasure and excitement it brings them, I'm happy it has worked for our family!

oldlaundbooth · 10/11/2017 02:19

No way DS would be sleeping over at someone's house aged 7.

Just say no, OP.

Andrewofgg · 10/11/2017 06:56

We slept over, if that's the way to put it, a friend's 4yo when DS was the same age - it was the parents' emergency but the boys were both fine.

Hotfootit · 10/11/2017 06:58

If day it depends on the child. My DDs love a sleepover and had their first at 6 and 4 respectively. They love it, but usually we do one night only to limit tiredness.
We have friends whose DD is 10 and is going for her first sleepover next week. She’s scared but excited (and both sets of parents are in stand-by to abandon it if she gets scared and needs to go home).

MrsOverTheRoad · 10/11/2017 07:09

Sam close family friends are not the same as some random your child meets at school.

I co-slept too...but didn't want to send DD for the night with strangers.

Now she's 9, I know her friends' parents well and so it's fine.

ShastaBeast · 10/11/2017 07:19

It could be too young but depends on the child. My 7 year old is not a good sleeper, bedtime is a nightmare and she wakes super early. She also has night terrors every now and then. I’d hate her to have a night terror away from home. We’d end up having to collect her in the middle of the night. But once would put them off asking again. Their one ‘normal’ child is a world away from my whirlwind.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 10/11/2017 07:29

My friend and I pretty much lived at each other’s houses from about 5. But our sleepovers were not the kind I read about on here sometimes (up all hours of the night etc) But then, we were just treated like family in each others houses and our parents were (and still are) very close. I don’t think I would have been allowed to stay at a families house that my mum didn’t know very well at that age though.

SottoVoc3 · 10/11/2017 07:59

It’s completely up to you.
If your child is ready, if you know the family well enough etc. My son liked the idea at 7 but used to back out at the last minute which was embarrassing and inconvenient for others. So we left it til he was 10.
I wouldn’t like mine going for 2 nights, especially if they were away EOW with their dad.

strugglingtodomybest · 10/11/2017 08:09

Mine went for sleepovers at that age, but not for 2 nights in a row during term time.

SuperBeagle · 10/11/2017 08:10

I was sleeping over at peoples' houses from about the age of 4, and my DCs have done the same with my friends' children, and then with friends they met in kindergarten.

I'm firmly of the perspective that if the child wants to sleep over, they should be able to. If they don't want to, then they should feel no pressure to. I went through a "homesick" phase in early high school, so wouldn't have slept over, but when I was younger I loved it. In my experience, some of my best memories with my childhood friends were formed at sleepovers. I think it's a shame to make your child miss out on that if they are wanting to sleep over.

MrsZenMum · 10/11/2017 09:21

I had sleepovers at that age.
I think it depends where's he's staying and whether you or his father would be able to come get him if he gets home sick.

Mittens1969 · 10/11/2017 09:45

I don’t think 7 is too young, my DDs have been having sleepovers with their cousins, and with my DM, since they were very little, but I do think that’s different from a sleepover with school friends where I don’t really know their parents. I need to know they’re with people I can trust. I would be ok with my DD2 having a sleepover with her best friend as I know her mum very well, but we haven’t done it yet.

deadringer · 10/11/2017 09:56

I bloody hate sleepovers, so I don't allow them before age 10. My dd is 8 and no one in her class has had one yet, thank goodness.

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