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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think 7 is to young for sleepovers?

100 replies

Henrythehoover · 09/11/2017 09:40

Just that really. My youngest who's 7 goes round his friends now and again for dinner. Yesterday his dad approached me while I was picking him up from school he the boys dad came up to us and said "not this weekend but the next your son can come and stay Fri and Sat with is" obviously d's thought this was amazing and got all excited and before I could say anything the dad walked off. Aibu to think he's well to young for that. The only place he stays away from me is his dad's every other weekend and that's it. My oldest 12 only started sleepovers a couple of years ago and my middle son 9 has never been to one.

OP posts:

brasty · 09/11/2017 13:16

I think it is fine, but 2 nights at first seems too much.

SomethingNewToday · 09/11/2017 13:18

I think 'generally' 7 is old enough for sleepovers but individually there may be many reasons why a specific child is not ready, so the dad was silly to assume you would be ok with it.

Ds2 is 7 and I had no doubt that he would cope fine at a sleepover BUT he still wets the bed about 1 out of 3 nights so obviously we wouldn't/couldn't agree to him sleeping at a friends house.

Original poster

Henrythehoover · 09/11/2017 13:20

I was born in the 80s and with my friends sleepovers wernt a thing really until secondary school and even then it was rare. I think I really need to try and talk to the parents about it.

OP posts:

MrsC2000 · 09/11/2017 13:24

I wouldn't have let mine at 7 and am not keen on sleepovers anyway

mustbemad17 · 09/11/2017 13:27

If your lad isn't sleeping much anyway, I can see your concerns. And given that you only really know the parents from the playground sort of thing i'd say no. For me it's not an age thing, my DD is happy as larry to buggar off for one or two nights. But it is about the relationship you have with the other children's parents, most definitely.

RolyRocks · 09/11/2017 13:32

I'm unsure as sleepovers have never really been a thing when I was young

Eh? Sleepovers have definitely been a 'thing' for decades, if not hundreds of years.

I don't think it's too young but you are right in that you probably need to prep more for this one if it goes ahead. By that I mean that you will want more information from the parent as to what they will be doing, contact numbers etc. and what do they want you to bring.

And it doesn't matter if you can't reciprocate.They will not think badly of you if you don't.

RolyRocks · 09/11/2017 13:33

And I was born in the 80s too! (81) Definitely had sleepovers in primary school.

Parker231 · 09/11/2017 13:35

For those who think 7 is too young, have your DC’s not been away on school trips?

gateto · 09/11/2017 13:41

I'd often have friends over for a night on the weekend at that age, usually when I was at my dads EOW. I think because it was just the two of us, no siblings etc he didn't want me to be without company my own age! It was usually closer family friends though, or friends from school that i was very close to!

two nights is a bit much though!

Evelynismyspyname · 09/11/2017 13:44

I was having sleepovers in the 80s, born in the 70s. It depends where you live I expect.

My school friends and I also used to write one another letters in the school holidays because we had to ask to use the land line and our mums listened in and told me to get off the phone after a few minutes. Obviously mobiles as we know them now didn't exist, just enormous rucksack size things not used by ordinary people.

I'd say you don't know that family well enough for sleep overs at all and say no without qualms - or better yet juggle your children's sleeping arrangements around for one night and invite the other child to sleep over at yours, to show you are not unfriendly.

My 6 year old only sleeps over at one of his friends - I've know that mum for 3 years, and the boys had been playing at one anothers houses very regularly for a couple of years before they first had a sleep over. I'd trust that mum to be an emergency contact for my kids type thing - at 6 or 7 you need to know the family well.

Older children make the arrangements with their friends themselves and you just check its OK with the parents and make sure you drop off and perhaps get yourself invited in the first time - you have to step back more and more as they get older and trust your kids more. At 7 though you want a longer and more in depth acquaintanceship.

SpiritedLondon · 09/11/2017 13:45

As sad as some of these stories are of abuse people need to accept that potential abusers are as likely to be lurking in your own home as they are in someone else's ( I appreciate it's an uncomfortable thought). Only you and your DS know if he's ready for a sleepover at this point. Perhaps one solution would be to invite the other child to sleep at yours so your son has the excitement of the sleepover without the anxiety of being away from home ( assuming the other child is ok with that )

Original poster

Henrythehoover · 09/11/2017 13:46

My children's schools don't do trios away until year 6. He has stayed at grandparents and my sister's but I kind of see that as being a bit different as he's always with his siblings.

OP posts:

SpiritedLondon · 09/11/2017 13:46

Ps maybe " camping"in another room could be an option of space is tight

ApproachingATunnel · 09/11/2017 13:50

Do you know the family fairly well? I would be a bit put off by dad just walking off like that but it all depends. Who else lives in the house.
Alternatively you can always areange something exciting for fri evening for your son and use that as an excuse to get him home.

Mittens1969 · 09/11/2017 13:50

Sadly, abuse is not all that rare. Children just don’t tell, often until many years later. My father abused my DSis and me and a couple of our school friends.

And sleepovers are more of a risk at nighttime than during the day, because an abuser is far more likely to get away with it when the household is asleep and when a child is in bed. So it isn’t the same as going to a friend’s house for tea.

My DD2 is now constantly asking about sleepovers at her friends’ houses, but she’s only 5!

Mittens1969 · 09/11/2017 13:51

So I’ll have that decision to make in the not too distant future.

paxillin · 09/11/2017 13:58

Mine have frequent sleepover. Started in reception, both hosting and as guests.

Queeniebed · 09/11/2017 14:00

Depends on the children and parents. I remember being 5 at my first sleepover. Our parents were very close and just down the road

ElizaDontlittle · 09/11/2017 14:01

@RolyRocks I am also an '81 baby and I had 1 awful sleepover prior to Secondary school. I wanted to sleep and in a tent in the back garden around 6 others didn't. I was 14 before I stayed at another friend's house.

However my DD was totally different in confidence and enjoyment and slept over from 5. I don't think it's an era thing so much as a personality thing. OP it's ok to say no and it's wise to limit it as a PP said by popping over with his overnight bag at tea time to check he is still happy. And definitely only one night.

SilverSpot · 09/11/2017 14:06

I think its fine.

brasty · 09/11/2017 14:21

My parents had a code sentence that I could ring and say to them, which meant I want to come home now. Never had to use it though.

EvansOvalPies · 09/11/2017 14:25

I also agree that it depends upon the child and how well you know the other parents. Age seven is not too young, per se, but if you don't know the parents that well, it might be too young. Also, two consecutive nights for a first sleepover might be a bit too much for your DS to cope with.

Our son had a school friend who was often invited for sleepovers (at other friends' houses, as well as ours) but all of us parents always knew he would never actually stay, and we'd end up calling his Mum or Dad to come and collect him. It was almost a pre-standing arrangement. But we were all fine with it. Maybe you could arrange this with the parents - "Yes, DS is keen to sleep over for one night, but if he does change his mind and we have to pick him up early, hope this is okay with you".

Firefries · 09/11/2017 14:32

If you are unsure be okay with that, and say no. We don't have to send our kids off to sleep at a strangers house because it could be fun. No. It could be a total disaster too. Only do it if you really want to agree to it and yes I believe aged 7 is too young, especially as you don't really know the family/people. No way.

Queeniebed · 09/11/2017 14:47

If you don't know the parents well then yes I would say don't do it if you are unsure. I wouldn't like my child being with effective strangers overnight at a young age.

RockinHippy · 09/11/2017 17:08

It depends, but no, not too young, but I wouldn’t accept 2 nights, especially not at this age. Though it always did pee me off when parents ask in front of the DCs, making saying no a much bigger pain than it needs to be

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