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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think 7 is to young for sleepovers?

100 replies

Henrythehoover · 09/11/2017 09:40

Just that really. My youngest who's 7 goes round his friends now and again for dinner. Yesterday his dad approached me while I was picking him up from school he the boys dad came up to us and said "not this weekend but the next your son can come and stay Fri and Sat with is" obviously d's thought this was amazing and got all excited and before I could say anything the dad walked off. Aibu to think he's well to young for that. The only place he stays away from me is his dad's every other weekend and that's it. My oldest 12 only started sleepovers a couple of years ago and my middle son 9 has never been to one.

OP posts:
SuzukiLi · 09/11/2017 10:28

My 3 year old has been going on sleepovers since she was 2

mustbemad17 · 09/11/2017 10:55

My daughter is off to a sleepover tomorrow for a night with a good friend of mine. They're coming to fetch her tomorrow - they live 40 minutes away - then i'm picking up. Small is exceptionally excited as is her friend; my friend is chuffed because her step daughter behaves better when my daughter is there 😂 I'll have my phone on, we have access to the car if anything goes wrong. Quiet night in!

MadamMaltesers · 09/11/2017 11:04

If you hardly know the parents why on God's earth would you even contemplate your child to stay over. You might as well had them over to a complete stranger.

Sarahjconnor · 09/11/2017 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catlovingmama · 09/11/2017 11:08

My dd did her first sleepover at 6 with very close friends and their child. Both parents were teachers and dbs checked as it happens.

No sleepovers with people I don't know well enough to be sure of until older. I would say 7/8 up.

Imaginosity · 09/11/2017 11:13

Entirely up to you. Don't feel pressured to say yes just because of the way the dad asked you - and don't feel like you have to say yes just because most of the people on this thread would do so. It makes no significant difference to uour child if they wait until they are older for this.

ToesInWater · 09/11/2017 11:13

YANBU but my job makes me cautious. I am very happy that 14yo DD chooses to only stay over at a very limited number of homes with parents she feels totally comfortable with.

MrsOverTheRoad · 09/11/2017 11:31

If you don't want him to go don't send him. You don't HAVE to. It's so weird today as there's a lot of social pressure to have sleepovers but you're right. 7 is very young.

Who knows who these people are or who visits them regularly?

You don't.

Why send your most precious thing off to the home of strangers?

I didn't let my DD have sleepovers till I felt I knew the parents properly.

MrsOverTheRoad · 09/11/2017 11:32

Meant to say, just text the Dad and say "Thanks so much for the sleepover invitation but X isn't really ready for them yet...maybe when he's a bit older though."

mustbemad17 · 09/11/2017 11:33

I have to ask tho...if you barely know them why does your son go for tea??

May50 · 09/11/2017 11:47

You obviously don't feel happy about it, so just say No.
my older kids were in secondary school before sleepovers, probably 11, and only to very close friends.
My youngest DD is 6, my answer at the mo would be No, too young.
Am I over protective? Yep. No apologies, and I'm quite happy to say this to anyone - im an older Mum, late 40's and go with my gut and my wishes. DD is very naive and shy and if in an odd situation would have no idea what was going on /what to do. I expect sleepovers won't happen until secondary school.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 09/11/2017 11:52

No one in our group of friends/parents have sleepovers at that age unless the families are particularly close. They tend to start at around 9 or 10 for friends houses, although staying at GP etc starts much earlier.

It might be 'totally normal' for some, but definitely not for others!

You've said that you don't know the family well at all. I slightly amazed that so many people would happily pack their 7 year old off to someone's house who they barely know!

I'm iroically amused that you (a) dont know the parents very well (b) let him go round for dinner unaccompanied. What will happen at a sleep over that wont happen at the dinner table? Do people morph after dark or something?

How very MN, with the barely veiled 'oh you think your child will be harmed, don't you?' sneer.

In rl, there really is a very big difference for a 7 year old between having a short play and a bit of tea with a friend and staying at their house for the weekend, with unfamiliar routines, sleeping, waking, bathroom, washing, any other issues etc. for two nights. It would be a pretty big bloody difference for an adult, never mind a 7 year old.

PinkCrystal · 09/11/2017 12:49

Yanbu

converseandjeans · 09/11/2017 12:50

I think lots of people on here are making you feel like you are being OTT. Stick with what you feel happy with. My DS has just had a sleepover at a friend's house aged 7 - but I think it is really young tbh. I don't know why I said yes.
There is also the dilemma of once you start then it's hard to stop them going.
What about a late play date instead - we've done a few of those. So tea/play/PJs/hot choc/film and get picked up about 9pm. Plenty of time for sleepovers when they're older!

Original poster
Henrythehoover · 09/11/2017 12:57

That's the thing I didn't think of abuse just how he will cope. He hasn't been sleeping to well since the split and even though he comes across quite loud and confident he can be quite nervous and clingy at times. As for him going for dinner it's only for 3 hours at most. It's different to sleeping at someone's house.

OP posts:
Yaley · 09/11/2017 12:58

Far too young for me. Secondary school probably and I'd have to know both parents very well to allow it. I'd also need to have visited the house. I can't believe how lax people are about this sort of thing.

"We all parent in different ways". Seriously? Write that on every Mumsnet thread and the site would soon shut down.

Ttbb · 09/11/2017 12:59

I think that it depends on how well you know the family. I wouldn't let a seven year old spend the night under the supervision of some random parent from the school gate. But my 3 year old has slept over at family's house.

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 09/11/2017 13:02

You can always go collect him if needs be if he decided he didn’t want to stay. My mum used to do it all the time with one of my siblings

FrancisCrawford · 09/11/2017 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeorgieBoy95 · 09/11/2017 13:04

I think it's too young.
And I'm amazed people so easily agree to them.
I was abused by an older brother in a house, no one saw and to this day I've never said a thing. But I was really nervous of boys after that and didn't have a proper relationship until I was in my late twenties. I was 9.

You might think the parents are okay. But you don't really know. Who else may be in the house? An older brother? A neighbor might pop in. Why put your child in a vulnerable position?????
Why can't kids just do normal play dates or meet in playgrounds, etc. Why do they have to sleep in someone else's house??

Catlovingmama · 09/11/2017 13:04

I think in 70s when I grew up they were rare. I can only remember doing 2 with non family under age of 11 and they were at my own house

Pennywhistle · 09/11/2017 13:07

If you feel it’s too young it’s completely fine to say “no”.

My DD has been happily skipping off for sleepovers since she was 5. DS waited until he was nearly 7.

One of DS’s good friends doesn’t do sleepovers at other people’s but likes to have friends to his house (and they’re 10yo)

All kids are different. Do what you think is best for yours. I certainly wouldn’t be allowing Friday and Saturday though. One night is enough.

Evelynismyspyname · 09/11/2017 13:10

It's not to young in and of its self, but might be in the situation you describe. The younger the child the better you need to know the family they might be staying with. If he meant 2 nights that's obviously too much in term time and with a family you don't know well, and for a first sleep over!

littlebird7 · 09/11/2017 13:10

8 years old, I knew the family very well and trusted them. Both children have always known the underwear rule, and we used a cheap phone to stay in contact should they want to come home but don't want to ask.

Both had a great time! We don't do tons of sleepovers but I am relaxed about ti if they want to.

I was asked to have a bath with my friend by her DAD on my first ever sleepover at 11. It was horrific and I cried until they called my parents and refused to go in the bathroom. It definitely stopped me in my tracks on the sleepover front until I was 16. I am nervous of sleepovers since then for my own dc, but feel most people are decent and trustworthy.

Evelynismyspyname · 09/11/2017 13:14

People who say "sleep overs were never a thing when I was young" generally need to remember they can only speak for themselves, not for their entire generation.

I also had sleep overs in the early 80s, and in fact tended to stay multiple nights without contact with my parents due to no mobiles etc. In the last year of primary my best friend and I virtually alternated houses in the holidays, both staying at one then both at the other. Nowadays my kids only have single night sleep overs.