To let down my friend quite badly?

[Notmad]

I don't know what to do and have a relatively urgent decision to make about this (in the next day or so) and it is ripping me up as it may mean letting down a friend.

I have problems with a man I know - I posted about it yesterday in relationships which helped me clarify what I already knew deep down, that it was not a good situation. It got a little worse again today when I found out that he has started to see someone new (which contributed to his pullback from me, all the while making out like it was in my head) and him making an unkind quip about me being "scarred".

Here's the link:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3081373-When-someone-makes-you-feel-like-youre-losing-your-mind

Thing is - me, this man, this man's brother and another good friend had planned a two day hike this weekend. It was planned some time ago, and my friend - she's going through a really tough time at present and is really looking forward to it.

But the idea of spending two days with this man - Arg! He was quite kind in a couple of conversations today but then there are always a couple of barbs.

But if I pull out, my friend will also feel she has to and will be really let down.

AIBU? WWYD?

And how the hell to manage this?

Going NC isn't an option either - too many mutual friends.

You don't need to explain yourself to him. 'Something's come up' would do fine. If you wanted to be a bit more direct 'I think we need a bit of space for now' would also be ok. But just back away from him, thinking about him and communicating with him. Tell your friend you'd like a walking day just with her and get out there together without the guys.

Also - he will ask why I am not going. I need to decide what to say.

"my babysitter can't really do it that night unless I'm desperate, and I don't want to massively inconvenience her."

Sorry this is such a confronting situation for you, OP. I don’t think you need to be so hard on yourself, but maybe have your eye out for your own vulnerability in future.
“He was in touch so much last week because he wanted to talk about his problems, and when it dropped off to nothing and my messages were unanswered, I just wanted to know what was going on”

This suggests, maybe that he is a bit of a taker: is in touch when he needs you. However because of your feelings for him, it may be that you want him to need you / take from you.... but in the end he is using you as his insurance policy.

I think you should be honest with your female friend: just say it got complicated with him and you need not to spend the weekend with him, you need a bit of space and distance to get back to normal.

Or give them all the childcare line but say to your friend that you could do a day trip.