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When someone makes you feel like you're losing your mind

(17 Posts)
Notmad Wed 08-Nov-17 07:19:36

What's the best way to deal with this? sad

When they are always in touch then suddenly stop for no reason, you ask what's wrong and they say nothing and make out you are crazy for 'making a thing of nothing' when you KNOW something is up, as what else would explain short sharp responses when only a few days earlier you were being contacted 5 - 6 times a day?

When you arrange to see them they are 25 minutes late without explanation, don't apologise, act cold and aloof, but insist nothing is wrong when you ask? This after radio silence and cancelling the last catch up.

When you tell them you feel taken for granted and unhappy and they freeze you out, repeat the two things above, act cold when you see them again?

Then, I end up feeling like I am going crazy and all of this hurt and upset is in my mind when I know that it's not, so the conversation ends up with me apologising for something I apparently did to start the first silent treatment, even though deep down I know that I did nothing wrong? And then apologising for acting like a crazy person and feeling pathetically happy that they are happy with me again, but thinking about it later and knowing that I lost dignity in the situation again and hating myself for not walking away?

AAARGHHHH!!!! I am just so upset by the whole thing. I feel angry at myself for 'ruining' a good situation by doing my apparent transgression that apparently made them feel less of me, although also know it was not a good situation and I was not true to myself either and feel like I let myself down. Again.

Bubba1234 Wed 08-Nov-17 07:25:33

This person is stressing you out life is too short for that

RebootYourEngine Wed 08-Nov-17 07:25:52

The only thing i would do is go No Contact with that person.

MrsBertBibby Wed 08-Nov-17 07:29:11

Junk them. Friends and lovers should make you feel you're a good person. People who make you feel shit about yourself are not friends.

Yika Wed 08-Nov-17 07:29:14

You absolutely have to walk away. You don't have to do it brutally, just be less and less available until you are not available at all. Keep always in the front of your mind that your own self-esteem and peace of mind is a top priority: it is not about hurting or punishing the other person.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow Wed 08-Nov-17 07:34:45

Gas lighting. Not only partners/spouses. I had a "friend" do it to me. Fuck that shit. Life is too damn short.

Notmad Wed 08-Nov-17 07:37:54

I know sad I just feel like I am so out of control of my emotions and the conversations never go the way they are supposed to and the whole thing just leaves me feeling really bad about my self

Notmad Wed 08-Nov-17 07:38:26

Can gas lighting be by accident?

Why do people act like this?

lanbro Wed 08-Nov-17 07:38:29

Agree, go no contact for your own sanity!

Chickenagain Wed 08-Nov-17 07:40:47

Narcissistic behaviour. Why are you putting up with it? He is bringing nothing to your life and will make you feel even worse. Just end it & stay strong. Otherwise, if you have a few years to waste being treated like shit, crack on.

Yika Wed 08-Nov-17 07:41:10

I am sure in some cases it can be (semi)subconscious but don't use this to excuse the behaviour - if someone else has psychological issues, it's not your problem and not for you to fix. The person you are responsible for is yourself. You need to decide on some clear red lines for acceptable behaviour around you and enforce them! Imagine you were advising a close friend in your situation. What would you say?

Chickenagain Wed 08-Nov-17 07:46:03

Some people just aren’t nice but are good at getting you hooked. Very good. So good you think it is your fault that they behave in such a manner towards you and the nice behaviour is the real them. It isn’t. He is showing you what he is. There is nothing to fix, you are being brought into play. Listen to your instincts, please.

Notmad Wed 08-Nov-17 07:46:06

I would tell them to run like the wind!

I am usually so strong and together but feel like I am being pushed and punished and pushed and punished yet don't walk.

I did once and felt in control but over a few months slipped back into the same place.

Notmad Wed 08-Nov-17 07:47:23

Has anyone managed to remove themselves from this sort of situation without going NC? Can it be done?

tccat Wed 08-Nov-17 08:01:16

It is deliberate behaviour and will just ramp up the longer you let it go on, look up the whole idealise/devalue/discard cycle
You are being manipulated and you won't which way is up shortly
No contact is the only way, it's really hard because you get used to the highs when the person is playing nice, the lows are really not worth it
A normal loving person would not treat you this way, you deserve better , get out while you still can

FluffyWhiteTowels Wed 08-Nov-17 08:17:52

Why do you want to stay in touch? I ask because you said is there a way of dealing without going NC.

Please take a deep breathe and be honest to yourself what you would advise a good friend. This sounds like a toxic friendship. This friend doesn't care about your feelings.

Notmad Wed 08-Nov-17 09:14:05

Rational me doesn’t understand it at all. This thread has helped though - life’s too short

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