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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To spend less than £50 per child at Christmas?

372 replies

hibbledobble · 08/11/2017 20:19

I read the thread where people were talking about spending as much as £1000 per child, and the average was in the 100s.

I can afford to spend a lot, but I don't see the need or the benefit in buying a lot. I plan on getting one large and one small present per child and maybe some chocolate. Things they will play with and cherish.

I don't buy into the consumerist culture surrounding Christmas, and I don't want to raise spoilt children.

Aibu?

OP posts:
LadyDeadpool · 09/11/2017 17:45

A lot of people can't afford hundreds so the people on here going on about it not being possible are ignorant at best.

"Try spending £50 on teens and see what they get out of it. Not much. One Xbox game with £10 change if they are into gaming. Or a few decent items of clothes. "

£70 for my 14 year old and that is serious stretching of the budget - a second hand refurb pc from ebay for £60 and £10 worth of stocking fillers that includes a bluetooth speaker and a neko atsume purse.
£40 on the 4 year old - lego, wilkos lego, some paw patrol mini pillow pets, a knock and fall game and 2 books. I can't do more much as I wish I could I can't pull money out of my arse.
I'm disabled I can't afford more expected to see a nice supportive thread but instead basically get made to feel like shit because I can't summon up £1000 for kids gifts. I really shouldn't have clicked this stupid fucking thread when I have PMS, A sinus infection and a teenager who is already pissed off because she can't go on a massive spending spree with her friends to buy gifts.

stargirl1701 · 09/11/2017 17:50

We don't get DC lots of gifts. We do the MN hated poem. DD2 is getting a pedal bike. We are trying to buy a preloved Islabike Cnoc 16 but still looking at £180ish.

SingingSeuss · 09/11/2017 17:51

Not at all, I am up to £32 for DD , a big Sylvanian family house, doll and accessories from baby sale and a fingerling, and about £16 on DS ( laptop and robot and forestation from sale. I may get them a few more bits and bats, books/ board games but I will source from charity shop/If I see any online bargains so don't anticipate spending too much more. Mine have always been happy with baby sale ( NCT etc) stuff and often it's almost brand new at a fraction of the price. Bookpeople do cheap books, there's no reason to spend a fortune if you don't want to.

formerbabe · 09/11/2017 17:51

LadyDeadpool. Those presents sound good to me!

AvoidingDM · 09/11/2017 18:17

Ladydeadpool those sound very thoughtful to me too. I'm also sure your kids (esp 14yo) has a fair idea that your not flush and will appreciate what has been delivered.

Anatidae · 09/11/2017 18:20

deadpool the thread isn’t about slagging off anyone who can’t afford to spend zillions . We grew up with very little and no one should be getting into debt for Xmas. Those presents sound lovely - carefully thought out things they undoubtedly want and will enjoy.

The op however is basically saying she could spend more but doesn’t to prove some kind of point. And that anyone who spends a couple of hundred quid is some kind of profligate wastrel and probably a working class chav as well. That’s as bad as spending loads and having a go at people who can’t.

Christmas is supposed to be about spending time with loved ones and enjoying it, not being a sanctimonious gf like the op.

Original poster
hibbledobble · 09/11/2017 18:56

Wow, so those talking about me being judgemental are being rather judgemental themselves. I have apparently done a terrible job at parenting and my children will be crying on Christmas day Hmm Confused

It's not about making a point or being sanctimonious, it's about valuing other things over piles of presents.

People on this thread clearly feel under enormous pressure to spend huge amounts at Christmas, which is incredibly sad.

I just wanted reassurance that I wouldn't be the only one without a mountain of presents under the tree, which I have got

OP posts:
stormnigel · 09/11/2017 19:03

I am poorer this year so the kids will get less. I am worried by the precedent that we set in prior years really. We have been guilty of over spending and they might be a bit disappointed this year. That said they are old enough to be aware of the need to budget sometimes now-and they aren’t bratty (all the time) so I’m optimistic they will get what they get and not get upset ( as we used to say to them when they were being demanding)

Roomster101 · 09/11/2017 19:04

Wow, so those talking about me being judgemental are being rather judgemental themselves. I have apparently done a terrible job at parenting and my children will be crying on Christmas day

I don't think any of the people who think you are judgmental and sanctimonious have also said or even implied that your children will be crying on Christmas day actually.. Your children will be fine because they are very young and don't need much anyway.

SomethingNewToday · 09/11/2017 19:26

We spend a fair few hundred each on the dc at Xmas but they don't have piles and piles of gifts at all. Similarly to a pp, I don't buy tat for the stockings - everything I buy is considered because I know they'll like it. They often get expensive gifts, but only a few of them and their 'piles' of gifts are much less impressive than many of their friends.

We're all probably shaped by our own experiences. Growing up, my (unemployed) parents would spend a fortune at Xmas, getting into debt for it. And because they could never spend throughout the year on us, their priority was making sure we had piles and piles of gifts to open.

So we did - we had loads to open, stockings with £80 worth of pound shop tat and cheap toiletries and the like. My mum one year bought me a huge assortment of perfumes from the market which probably cost a fiver each. All individually wrapped. I would so much have preferred having one £50 bottle of really nice perfume to 'cherish' rather than twenty bottles of cats piss in pretty bottles which cost a hell of a lot more. The same with clothes - 3 really cheap pairs of shoes rather than one nice pair. Always quantity, not quality.

I do the exact opposite with my dc and can't bear buying for buyings sake.

Strokethefurrywall · 09/11/2017 19:31

Seriously? I just wanted reassurance that I wouldn't be the only one without a mountain of presents under the tree, which I have got

and I don't buy into the consumerist culture surrounding Christmas, and I don't want to raise spoilt children. Aibu?

You have to be a special sort of stupid to start a thread asking whether you're unreasonable to NOT buy into the consumerist culture of Christmas (you need the internet to tell you you're not unreasonable? Jesus Christ...) and then say you need reassurance that your kid, who is at an age of not understanding the value of gifts, won't be the only one without mountains of gifts under the tree.

What a goady fucking thread. And yes, this is dripping in sanctimony, if you're in fact real.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 09/11/2017 19:44

People on this thread clearly feel under enormous pressure to spend huge amounts at Christmas, which is incredibly sad.

Thats what you've taken from the thread? Alrighty

juddyrockingcloggs · 09/11/2017 19:52

It's not about making a point or being sanctimonious, it's about valuing other things over piles of presents.

This is here is exactly where you’re being judgemental though! Can you not see that people can value family time, the beautiful Christmas atmosphere and traditions whilst still spending THEIR cash on however many presents they wish?!

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/11/2017 19:54

It's not about making a point or being sanctimonious, it's about valuing other things over piles of presents.

It's perfectly possible to value other things over presents and still give presents.

People on this thread clearly feel under enormous pressure to spend huge amounts at Christmas, which is incredibly sad.

Don't feel sad for me, I don't feel any pressure - it's not just you that is able to resist pressure - I've never felt any pressure. i buy for my DC because it makes us all happy. I buy a lot but each item is carefully chosen and isn't tat. They used to get a lot of books as they were keen readers, a lot of lego as it was their passion, role play things as it sparked their imagination. I love looking back at videos they've made with their friends, nerf guns because Christmas isn't complete without a full scale family nerf war, board games because we enjoy playing even now that they are full grown, sweets and treats and tech because they enjoy it and it's great for travelling etc.

And again, people who cant afford more should not feel bad about that, your children will love you for the effort you've made with the small budget you had, as I said earlier, I grew up in that position and I don't feel sad about it because I knew I was loved and I knew my parents prioritised us and tried their best. I might feel differently if they had been well off and given us little just to be sanctimoniously parsimonious.

A large spend also doesn't always mean a big pile of presents either. You can spend £££ on just a few items.

Ishouldbedoingsomething · 09/11/2017 19:56

I grew up with loads of presents and now like my DC (teens) having a decent “pile” but this is less than when they were children as the gifts cost way more now. I do wrap everything I could just give them now (clothes, socks, pjs etc) so that it looks more without resorting to buying random things just to make it look more.

We don’t have a budget (or have to go into debt thankfully) just get them what I think they need and the main present they ask for

I love all the excitement around Christmas and think presents are important when they are at home - will not buy so many when they are adults

Anatidae · 09/11/2017 19:56

I have apparently done a terrible job at parenting and my children will be crying on Christmas day

Flounce one niner, you are cleared for takeoff...

Fabulously goady thread, perhaps the kids could wrap you up a large spoon?

AvoidingDM · 09/11/2017 20:01

Has anybody said "there's no pockets in a shroud".

If you want to be frugal and bank all your money then that's your choice but if other people choose to spend and enjoy their cash then that's their choice. But I don't think anybody ever lay on their death bed saying "I wish I'd spent less on my kids"

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/11/2017 20:03

Avoiding

I think I said you only get one life which amounts to the same thing. I want to spend my money on my DC while I'm alive to see them enjoy it. I'd love to be putting my last tenner in the charity box as i'm being wheeled to my coffin :o

Christinayangstwistedsista · 09/11/2017 20:04

I'm not under any pressure in fact I enjoy every minute of it

Muddling Flowers

LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2017 20:07

Hibble you still don't get it do you? No-one feels any kind of pressure to spend big time......people do it because they want to. Not that difficult to understand really.

HamSandWitches · 09/11/2017 20:12

You keep saying a mountain of presents. If you have a 3 yr old yes 300 will buy you a mountain of presents. If you have a teen £300 will maybe get you a phone, some trainers, clothes then other teen stuff depending if you have a boy or a girl so not a mountain at all. If your child has a nobbie they might need expensive kit. I don't see what the obsession is with a mountain of presents.

HamSandWitches · 09/11/2017 20:13

Hobbie not nobbie

LagunaBubbles · 09/11/2017 20:14

I'm not under any pressure in fact I enjoy every minute of it

Me to, its great fun! Sadly with DS1 whos 24 and moving out after Christmas because hes bought a house - despite the opinion of some person here spoiling kids cuts down their independence - it will be John Lewis and Argos vouchers all the way but the other 2? Love it! Just bought them giant M and M advent calendars from Tesco at £4 each, its started!

Sallystyle · 09/11/2017 20:15

LadyDeadpoll I didn't mean my comments to hurt anyone and I don't believe my comments were at all mean.

In my family £50 would not go far. My teens are 18, 16 and 14 and if they got £50 an Xbox game and £10 change is what they would get.

You sound like you have made your money go far, a lot further than I could. I also can't afford £1000 on my children. What I actually said is that I don't understand people who can easily afford to spend more than £50 only spending £50, especially if those children are teens. Of course it is completely different if you can't afford it. No one would say otherwise.

My comments were not a judgment on you.

Baileystruffle · 09/11/2017 20:15

I don't understand how buying a kid a second hand bike that costs £10 means you are spoiling a kid any less than a kid who gets a new bike that costs £150. Either way they get a bike. One is not getting more than the other really, both will be just as happy with their bike. So if you have the money to spare, why not get it new, and if you don't, get it secondhand.

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