To not want to commit to looking after friend's kid

[Jerseysilkvelour]

In September Mum friend of mine begged me to look after her child for a couple of days during October half term as she was stuck, had no one else to ask, her options are so limited etc etc. Week before half term I checked she still needed it, yes thanks so much etc etc.... so I arranged an activity for our kids, mine was v excited about it and having a friend round.

That weekend she text me and said she didn't need me to look after her kid after all, she made other arrangements. I was supposed to have her mon and tues.

Now she has asked me again for xmas hols - desperate again, no other options etc etc, I said I'd have to look at my calendar.

A CF thread :o
But that's not good, poor dd

"That's fortunate cf friend, I have just advertised as a child minder and I have some slots free - shall I send you the list of fees?"

Say no,Christmas time and you have plans.Cf is right.

Say no. The christmas hols are family time.

What's cf?

"Not after what happened at half term, no."

Cf =cheeky fucker

Do you want to look after her?

milk is right you should really refer back to half term and say how you made plans, your DC was diaappointed etc. That way she might actually realise she is a CF. If you hate confrontation like me just say you are busy!

I don't mind looking after the kid, but I do mind having the piss taken out of me!

"Afraid not, we already have a number of things planned over the Christmas holidays. Hope you get something sorted!"

Then go broken record if she keeps asking.

I'd tell her you are reluctant as last time agreed had stuff planned and DD was really upset when she cancelled.

See what she says..that's if you are considering helping her out. If you aren't then say sorry but no.

No chance

Just say no your busy.

I dunno. She may have felt a cf for asking you to have her dd if she didn't really need you to. Ideally though she should have talked to you about it.

It seems that you're happy to do it (you seem very nice) but are wary about disappointing your own DC if it is cancelled again. Tell her that.

Playing devil's advocate but it's not impossible she actually thought she was doing you a favour cancelling on you at half term. Did you think to mention to her then that actually you and your DC were really looking forward to it and had made plans? Life is too short to fall out with friends when they don't even realise they've put your nose out of joint. Speak to her, explain you were disappointed before and (assuming you want to) offer to go with the x-mas proposal but only if she sticks to it this time.

"How can you ask me that after last time, have you no shame woman?"

Or just say no, sorry not possible.

Thing is, all she had to say is 'I'm trying to arrange childcare, would it be a pain if I ask you to be backup if it falls through?' and then you didn't need to tell your DC and were fully in the picture. As it is she's messed you about. What do you want to do OP?

Just say it’s inconvenient.

Is this free childcare as a favour, a reciprocal arrangement, or would she be paying you?

The latter is dodgy under the law, although many people do it.

No, she's probably using you as backup plan and won't hesitate to cancel at the last minute again.

No payment. This is not a regular or reciprocal arrangement and nor have we ever had one (I have one of those with another friend and it works really well) . And she did know I'd planned activity, that's why I checked with her week before that it was still on.

I'm heading for a big fat no aren't I

"It's not something I can commit to, with the possibility your plans will change and throw ours out of whack. Still lots of time until Xmas, have you asked zyx at school? I know her childminder has a slot blah blah."

"I'm sorry but I have to help DH get the sleigh loaded before the 25th and there's the elves to supervise and the reindeer to feed... It's gets really frantic so I can't commit to anything more if we're to get all those presents delivered on time."