To wonder why mil keeps giving me all dh baby stuff?

[xhannahx]

Since i have had dd, mil keeps off loading lots of stuff on me and I just can't make head nor tail of it.

A bit of background, mil get on ok, never had any cross words or major fallings out, but we aren't close. She can be quite a cold person and excludes me from most family related stuff. Having been with dh for over a decade I am used to it.

When we announced our pregnancy, mil gave me dh baby blanket for our DD. I did find it a little strange, as it seemed so sentimental, but I accepted it graciously but didn't actually use it. I didn't want DD to be sick on something that to me is very special, so I have just stored it away safely.

Since DD has been birn, every time we see mil she gives me more of dh baby things. I now have:

• every single baby photo, plus many other old family photos shoved in big envelope.

• lots of old school books

• his first moments baby book

• cross stitich pictures with his name and dob

This is just to name a few.

All of this stuff to me is very sentimental, and I just don't understand why I'm being given it. Why doesn't she want it? When I asked about the baby photos she actually told me that she had thrown some away as "you can only have so many pictures with him covered in chocolate".

Is this strange? Aibu to tell her I don't want anymore stuff and ask her why she doesn't want it?

Everything she has given me has been stored away so that it doesn't get lost or damaged, but I just don't get it?!

Can anyone figure this out?

Do MILs gave their son in laws their daughter's old baby photos, school books, baby books, cross stitch pictures, baby cardigans?

No. they don't.

It's a weird form of wifework. Just tell her to give them to DH in future. He's not your baby!!

Its weird.

Baby blanket type stuff not weird.

School books, old photos, baby books. WEIRD.

Who knows what particular form of weirdness. Its the kind of weird thing my mother would do - for her its about trying to insert herself into the situation.

Doesn't your husband have a view on this?

Id keep the stuff that your kid would be interested in seeing about their dad (photos etc) and for school books etc up to your husband if he wants to keep it.

probably easiest just to stick it in a cupboard rather than make An Issue.

i fear and dread becoming a MIL when I read these threads. A woman can love, care and nurture her DS, bring him up to be a fine, kind, respectful man who loves his wife and family. And that's it, fuck off now!

I'm lost now as I will be a MIL twice over and I guess I just throw everything in the bin once I'm old?

TSSDNCOP I'm thinking the same. We really are pieces of shit aren't we unless we produce girls.

School books, old photos, baby books. WEIRD. in my parents case it was about reclaiming their home. They scanned all the photos first so have digital copies

Yep, those years you spent investing in the husband your Son has become? Fuck right off with all your history.

I was umming and aaaahing over paying for his Reception school photos. They are extortionately priced!! i even said to DP but will we really want to look at this stuff in twenty years time? I think this thread has told me to save our money! 😂

I dunno, I find the idea that everything I do/don't do, say, think or imply will be wrong, strangely liberating. Saves making an effort.

I found my brother's school reports when I was clearing out our parent's house. He went to an old fashioned prep school, and the reports were detailed and charming, full of stuff that showed what sort of child he was. I tied them up like a scroll and gave them to my sister in law. Who was so unimpressed that she suggested to several people that I must have mental health issues, and my brother berated me for making him look ridiculous in front of his wife.

So be warned- you never know how things are going to be received!

SleepFreeZone TSSDNCOP Yup. Boards like this really do seek to marginalise men completely and reduce them to cash cows and sperm donors.

BarbarianMum

I'm infinitely grateful I'm an older mum who will no doubt be dead or infirm by the time my kids have kids. So no DIL to drive crazy with my stupid ideas and nonsense.

My MIL did this. I actually found it quite nice - different perspective because I don't think my own mother kept that kind of stuff at all. We moved around a lot with my dad's job, and I don't think the sentimentality fits well with moving house almost every year!

Also it didn't occur to me to put the stuff away - put it away for what?

All 3 of my kids (DD first then 2 boys) wore some bits of DH's baby clothing! 1970s baby clothing wasn't gender specific really,though they only worse it on days at home as it generally did look a bit second hand - which is what it was!

The kids have all looked through DH's baby books and stuff from time to time too. I quite liked looking through it once.

I guess because I'm not sentimental it never struck me as that odd - I thought its nice for our kids to have a look at/ wear the odd thing their dad wore etc.

MIL is died fairly young as it happens, but she was healthy and I don't think she was thinking of her death when she gave us the stuff, I'm not sure what she was thinking exactly! I suppose she wanted to give us stuff because we were having a baby... Who knows. FIL is very practical and probably would have given the clothing away (not the photos) when she died anyway. He's not the type to keep boxes of old stuff mouldering in the back of cupboards.

What is the point of saving the stuff if it isn't shared?

People are taking this so offensively when I have literally just asked if other know why she might not want this stuff herself.

I haven't said anything horrible about her, I haven't said that she is worthless and that she can fuck off.

I have just asked the question...why doesn't she want to keep the stuff for herself?

Jesus, what a way to turn this into me being a Dil from hell when all I wonder if why she doesn't want to keep her own memories for a bit longer!

I suppose the weird bit in some of these cases is the MIL giving them to the DIL not the son.

It is true that the mother of a woman would give them directly to her own offspring in most cases - I've never heard of the mother of an adult woman doing most of her communicating with the son in law instead of her own adult child.

I don't think my MIL gave the stuff to me specifically. In fact some of it she posted in with other baby stuff she sent us (we have their first grandchild while living in a different country). Almost totally sure it was either addressed to DH or b

Haha! My poor DIL is gonna need a storage unit for all the stuff I save from my son when I eventually pass it on! 😂

My MIL did this and I thought it was lovely, except that it's not quite right to be giving people their own old school photos or reports, is it? It's not a bad thing, it's just that how many people want their old school books back? Seems odd to me. I did have to say 'I think school photos are for parents' and she took the hint.

SloeSloeQuickQuickGin Wed 08-Nov-17 11:29:47

"SleepFreeZone TSSDNCOP Yup. Boards like this really do seek to marginalise men completely and reduce them to cash cows and sperm donors."

Now that is total and utter nonsense based on nothing!

"Boards like these" - you mean boards on which mainly women post?

If you actually read the boards you will find you are talking out of your bottom.

My mil did this. I do find it odd, I can't think why she would think that I would want it.
However, I've put it all in with my child's memory box.
I do find it weird. But I'm weird. I didn't know why my partners mate gave us a photo of their newborn baby.
At the time, we didn't have or want children so I remember thinking "what am I meant to do with this?" 😧 But I just thanked them and put it away. I've still got it somewhere 16 years later.

hannah the only way you're really going to know the answer to that is to ask her. Off the top of my head;

1. wants to create some room so happily offloading this shit onto you
2. was having a sort out recently and thought some of the stuff could come in useful
3. was having a sort out and felt sad and nostalgic about all the baby stuff she'd kept and didn't want to throw it away but wasn't keen on finding it again either
4. hoped that as someone who loved her son as much as herself you might find some value in his old baby stuff
5. thought her son might like to reminisce about his old stuff and might enjoy it being passed on to the new generation of family
6. was hoping to drive you mad in a passive/aggressive way so passed over a load of stuff you had to sort

Etc etc. Lots and lots of reasons, who knows which one was hers?

Sarahj
My dhs grandma also had that. She got rid of almost everything. I batch cooked some food and she even binned —my next meal— the rather ample leftovers.

My mother got me to take all my school books as she didn’t want them anymore, which I can understand. More recently she thrust all my school and a few other photos, such as getting a ballet certificate on me in a way that didn’t give me a warm, fuzzy feeling. It felt like yet another rejection. We don’t have a good relationship thanks to her treating me abysmally.

It may be for peace of mind. Your mil is possibly passing things on to you so she knows they’re safe. She doesn’t know what will happen to the contents of her house when she is gone.

Fgs why doesn’t strike through work anymore since I updated my iPad?!!

I’d have binned all the old school books and crocheted shit