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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to give Dmil baby clothes

94 replies

Snoreborewhoreee · 07/11/2017 20:39

So Im a very sentimental person and a bit of a hoarder I keep all my babies clothes incase I have another one (which has happened twice lol) and to keep for a memory blanket if I don't have any more.. My mil always asks for some whenever I post old photos of them cos she wants some for a memory blanket for herself? But if I'm honest and this is going to sound selfish I don't want to give any away.. I'm not going to lie she has bought items for them to wear (no idea which ones now but a couple were precious newborn outfit/hat) so I guess that's why I'm asking the aibu question..

OP posts:

Sirzy · 08/11/2017 13:52

When the keepsakes box is seemingly every item of clothing the children have ever owned that makes it very different from your average keepsake box though

PandorasXbox · 08/11/2017 13:53

The odd piece of baby clothing is not a keepsake box!

Cavender · 08/11/2017 13:53

But Bert the OP’s baby is only a year old. She’s clearly still feeling very sentimental about the clothes.

PandorasXbox · 08/11/2017 13:55

The MIL has asked for one item not every last bit of baby clothes!

Original poster

Snoreborewhoreee · 08/11/2017 14:02

Thanks for all the suggestions, I have told her the clothes are boxed up at the moment but I will give them a sort out and see what I can find, one of the things she has asked for is her first newborn hat, yes her husband did buy it but my daughter wore it all the time when she was first born so I am not happy about handing it back but I guess I should

OP posts:

Cavender · 08/11/2017 14:03

You don’t have to give it back Snore, it was given as a gift, not a loan.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/11/2017 14:05

Nooooo. Do not give the hat back. The hat is for your dd when she’s big and you’re not giving it back. Your mil is being really unreasonable. Tell her you can’t find it if you dont want the fight although it would be best to just tell her no.

PandorasXbox · 08/11/2017 14:09

How is a newborn hat for the Dd when she’s big?

PoppyPopcorn · 08/11/2017 14:14

It is totally normal you want to keep all your baby clothes.

It's really not.... Yes if you think you might have another baby then you go through the "is this good enough" sorting process before boxing stuff for the attic. But keeping every hat and babygro and outfit is just a bit.... odd. Unless you want to be one of those people in 50 years who can't find the loo for piles of magazines and newspapers.

Cavender · 08/11/2017 14:18

Pandora my D.C. like to look at andbplay with their old baby clothes, dress up dolls and teddies etc.

PandorasXbox · 08/11/2017 14:20

And that’s fine. The OP will still have all her dc’s Baby clothes for her dc to look at bar ONE item.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/11/2017 14:26

No. Don't give the hat. That's really out of order. These things were gifts!

They do not belong to your MIL and if you'd known she would be taking them back you presumably would have made sure you bought your own things like first hat, first little shoes- as they are very obviously things that will have strong memories.

If it were me at this point I'd simply say I couldn't find the things that she'd asked about that were precious. Including the hat. And I would if easier ask DH to point out that she gave things as gifts, not loans.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/11/2017 14:30

Or... you could look for the same hat on eBay and give her that if you find one...

PandorasXbox · 08/11/2017 15:26

It’s no wonder there’s so many broken down relationships between MILs and their DIL’s

DistanceCall · 08/11/2017 15:39

OP, you don't have to give your MIL that hat. Just tell her that it's very special to you and your husband.

There is a medium between giving her nothing at all and giving her the clothes which mean most to you. It's not an all or nothing situation.

livefornaps · 08/11/2017 16:04

"One of the things she has asked for" - how much stuff does she want exactly?!

And no, don't give in!!! That was a gift!!! You're really sentimentally attached to it.

You need to separate the things you find special and the stuff that you really don't care about.

Refuse to enter into a discussion about it now, it's clearly going to upset you. Just tell her you're not touching any baby clothes until you're sure you are done with kids.

I think that's really weird and mean to ask for the little hat back. Who does that?!

BertrandRussell · 08/11/2017 16:21

"I think that's really weird and mean to ask for the little hat back. Who does that?!"

Well, either a person who is weird and mean. Or a person who doesn't realize how attached the OP is to it, and who hasn't been told. One or the other.

thecatsthecats · 08/11/2017 16:23

You're both being a bit unusual about this to be honest.

OP - no need to talk as if your obligated to hand anything over, just give one of the many sensible reasons on here as to why you'd like to hang on to them for now until you make a long term decision. Then when you come to make that long term decision, think about being kind and investing in the positive relationship between your MIL and children by sharing a few items or cut offs with her that you are happy to share or relinquish.

Both of you are acting as if these items hold some kind of totemic significance, potentially causing a pointlessly hurtful dynamic that will affect your REAL, ACTUAL relationships.

Mountainpika · 08/11/2017 16:39

I knitted two or three (can't remember) baby hats for when grandchild 1 was born. I think they've kept the first one she wore. Not sure if second child wore the same one, if they gave the spares to someone else. Their choice.

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