To not want to give Dmil baby clothes

[Snoreborewhoreee]

So Im a very sentimental person and a bit of a hoarder I keep all my babies clothes incase I have another one (which has happened twice lol) and to keep for a memory blanket if I don't have any more.. My mil always asks for some whenever I post old photos of them cos she wants some for a memory blanket for herself? But if I'm honest and this is going to sound selfish I don't want to give any away.. I'm not going to lie she has bought items for them to wear (no idea which ones now but a couple were precious newborn outfit/hat) so I guess that's why I'm asking the aibu question..

HeddaGarbled interestingly you don't get to dictate what is of sentimental value for another person, since sentimentality is individual.

Snoreborewhoreee "She sees the kids a couple of hours every two weeks or so, she can't have that many memories of the clothes I wouldn't think but hey I've been wrong before..."

If these are the only times she sees your kids I expect she will attach sentimentality to lots of things associated with those few, presumably precious, hours.

I'm not saying a few hours every two weeks is not much, because my own parents in law see the kids for about a day every two months. But just as HeddaGarbled can't know what is of special sentimental interest to others, neither can you.

You could share??

God, this is the kind of thread that makes me worried about having only sons... what would be the problem in letting her have the scraps off your own memory blanket as PPs have suggested? they would be thrown out otherwise!

why would you deny a clearly loving grandmother scraps of clothes otherwise destined for the bin because you think it's "weird" she wants to remember them as babies, too?

of course you should not feel forced to do anything about the clothes before you are ready, but you have had an excellent suggestion there, it costs you nothing and it would make her happy, why not?

Maybe I am wrong, but I am bloody grateful other people love my kids, too, I'd be delighted she cared so much, what's with the possessiveness?

Hmmm

I wonder if you feel that she’s co opting your “thing”? Did she only come up with the idea after you discussed yours? Is that the problem?

I actually don’t think that there’s anything wrong with wanting a special unique reminder of your baby’s first days, something that only you have.

I have a box of a few baby clothes from each child, I would be if either my DM or MIL asked to share them.

I would say no without question.

And it would be nothing to do with not getting on with them or not appreciating that they love my children.

There’s a couple of options. Which you take probably depends how much of an issue your MIL is going to cause about this and how much it’s going to upset you to give in:

Say no politely

Acquiesce and give her some clothes.

Buy some second hand baby clothes and give her those.

Give her some clothes to make a blanket and do something different for yourself, eg have a teddy made or a wall hanging.

In future don’t discuss this kind of stuff with her.

I’d probably buy £15 worth of infant clothes at the local charity shop and hand those over instead of your cherished ones. Everybody wins.

Well, Truth doesn’t win, but everyone else.

You've literally kept all of your babies' clothes? And you don't have any to spare?

It is totally normal you want to keep all your baby clothes. Your youngest is still a baby and as you say, your family may not be complete. Once you’re not going to have anymore, it would be kind to pass some items on to her. They don’t have to be the ones, she gave to you. The idea of cutting up clothes to make a blanket fills me with horror. There is no way I would cut up the precious items I kept from when my dd was a baby. However, I am not your mil.

You must have a huge house. I'm a bit of a hoarder but you beat me hands down.

I think making a memory blanket for any children other than your own is a bit odd, sorry.

I mean, unless she's in your house every day, will specific outfits even evoke memories for her?

I thought the point of a memory blanket was that you got to go "oh, this patch is from the babygrow we brought him home in, he did his first giggle in this romper suit, his first steps in these joggers"
And so on...

Unless she likes quilting anyway, then it's just a hobby I suppose.

Probably because they are her grandchildren and enjoys craft. Or wants to make it for the OP.

"I’d probably buy £15 worth of infant clothes at the local charity shop and hand those over instead of your cherished ones. Everybody wins.

Well, Truth doesn’t win, but everyone else."

That would be a truly awful thing to do!

It would be a generous thing to do, or to promise to do in the future. If loathe to actually hand them over, you could say that if you ever make a memory blanket, you will make one for her too. Kindness means a lot.

I thought the point of a memory blanket was that you got to go "oh, this patch is from the babygrow we brought him home in, he did his first giggle in this romper suit, his first steps in these joggers"
And so on...

As the OP seems to want to use every item of clothing ever owned then that is pretty obviously not her understanding of it! No way can anyone have a memory for every single item of clothing

I think you are being a but unreasonable. I can't see the harm in giving her a few items, particularly as she has bought some of them.

I feel incredibly sad when i read posts like this mocking both the way this grandmother wishes to have a keepsake of her much loved grandchildren and her intelligence or feelings in giving her charity shop bought clothes never worn by them.

Memory blankets are a very sensory and delightful way to bring back lovely memories inclusive of all her dgc in one item.

Can anyone booing this never imagine themselves as a grand parent or even gg grandparent.... and at the stage of life when you cant get to see these children and find comfort in mementos you can physically touch... you might have some sight loss or thats not the sense that evokes memory for you.

Just tell her you don't know if you're having any more yet so you're going to hang onto stuff for the next couple of years.

Then don't mention any memory blanket again!

When you've finished yours, give her what is left. I'd be very surprised if your blanket comprises ALL the clothes.

It does sound like you're a bit possessive over both the stuff and the idea. Tell her you are shelving both for the next couple of years.

Sorry that some posters have mocked the idea, I just think it's because "memory blanket" sounds like "making memories", the type of social media fodder that makes me want to vom a little

You cant possibly have a sentimental attachment to every item of clothing? Surely not?! How many items do you have? I've got bloody loads (not a stealth brag, huge, generous family) and I have passed most of it on to siblings bar a few ones O wanted to keep.

I understand an attachment to some but to absolutely everything seems very odd to me... I'd love my MIL to show this level of interest in my DS

**How old is your MIL, OP? If she's getting on in years, I'd let her have some pieces from your older child's collection and let her start making one. She'll be able to be alive to enjoy it with your children/her grandchildren.

@Skittlesandbeer

*I’d probably buy £15 worth of infant clothes at the local charity shop and hand those over instead of your cherished ones. Everybody wins.

Well, Truth doesn’t win, but everyone else.*

The last part made me chuckle aloud on train. Thanks for the morning laugh.

That would be a truly awful thing to do!

It would be a practical way of keeping mother-in-law happy without giving away things she wants to keep.

OP, I would suggest not posting any more pictures - avoid drawing any further attention to the issue.

To make a memory blanket she would need lots of items, this is a bit of a 'big ask'.

I would select a few items (about 3) and give them to her, along with a photo of your DC wearing them (preferably items she has given as gifts) and just explain to her that you aren't willing to part with more than that.

I think you are underestimating your MIL's strong attachment and live for her DGC, the sacrifice of just a few small items will be an easy one to make as I'm very sure you won't be keeping every single item.

I passed all baby clothes on to friends and family, as they were all as good as new. I would see it as very wasteful and quite selfish to allow perfectly good clothes to be cut up for a blanket.

I do feel weird about her having a memory blanket of my child's clothes, I can't help feeling like that

Perhaps you can't help how you feel, but you can keep your feelings from dictating your decisions.

Your children are not their clothes. You do not possess your children, or memories of your children - other people love your children and have memories of them too. Just give her some leftovers, for God's sake.

YAB extremely U. And I would talk to a professional about (a) your hoarding tendencies, (b) your possessiveness towards your children.

Could you tell MIL that when the time comes that you won't have any more offspring, you will let her have some of the clothes so she can make a blanket for each of the children. (You can make one for you)As a grandmother it's something I would love to do. Something the children can remember their babyhood by, memories of their mother and put together by a loving grandmother.
Maybe give her something of yours to add in and she could add something of hers to the blanket. All the family in one. Wonderful heirlooms for the children. With photographs explaining where each piece comes from. Mummy's pullover, Granny's tshirt etc.. Maybe other close family members.
I never knew any of my grandparents (they died) and have nothing from them, not even a photo. Something like that would be very precious.

I think the OP is getting a hard time here tbh.

I’m really seriously surprised at the number of people who would happily crack open their keepsake boxes and share them out with their MILs.

"I’m really seriously surprised at the number of people who would happily crack open their keepsake boxes and share them out with their MILs."
I'd be surprised if anyone would do that either. Fortunately, nobody is suggesting that.

Why don't you just offer to send her some off cuts when you are ready to make your own memory blanket? Or make her one too if you're feeling really generous.

I don't see why grandparents can't have fond memories even seeing the child every couple of weeks, I know my parents and MIL do, and they saw DC much less often. Probably better than my memories tbh, I was in a sleepless night induced haze most of the time they were tiny.