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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask you to write a snarky reply for me?

83 replies

Phryne · 07/11/2017 20:16

My partner's father texted me the following today: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Grandma and Grandad

It is my birthday. It is not my child's birthday. It is not any of their other grandchildren's birthdays. They don't even like me and have made it clear by saying 'you are not part of our family' out loud, to my face.

I am very tempted to send a snarky reply but (a) I shouldn't rock the boat as we have news to give them at the weekend they won't like and - much much more importantly - (b) I can't think of anything good. Grin All I've got is:
'I didn't know you were a medium, X. Could you please tell nan and granddad thanks and that we did spend the money on beer, as they'd have wanted' (my nan and granddad are dead and I miss them, X is a teetotaler...)

(Light hearted in case that isn't obvious!)

OP posts:
FindoGask · 07/11/2017 21:12

I would just say "thanks very much" and then think no more about it.

cordeliavorkosigan · 07/11/2017 21:14

I don't like the thing about people (who are not my DC) calling me "mum". I'm not your mum! After school club, anywhere really, where they know the DC but don't seem to remember my name (despite me having seen these people 2-5 times a week for going on SIX YEARS now... anyway why not 'DC1's mum' or whatever..? sigh).

but given how common it is, I guess it's natural to most people around where we live. So maybe to your ILs, it's natural to think of themselves as GM and GP forever and to all (or, to you) even though obviously they're not your actual grandparents. Weird. I wouldn't lose any of your birthday to it though.

KarmaStar · 07/11/2017 21:20

Don't reply until you are sure that they don't know about your baby and they weren't just letting you know.if they are genuinely surprised you will be face to face so you'll know .
Then you can accept the comment with good grace or say thank you for your card but can you explain the comment?put them on the back foot.
Congratulations on your pregnancy 🌻

JohnHunter · 07/11/2017 21:25

I'm completely lost. Why does their "happy birthday" message need a snarky reply at all?

londonrach · 07/11/2017 21:28

What says. Just thank them for happy. Irthday and congratulations x

londonrach · 07/11/2017 21:29

What john says. Just thank them for happy birthday and congratulations x

londonrach · 07/11/2017 21:29

Im doing well here!!!! (Throws ipad out of window)

MrsPworkingmummy · 07/11/2017 21:31

Can't you just say 'thanks'. Perhaps they were trying to be nice?

FireCracker2 · 07/11/2017 21:34

To be honest I think you should just grow up

WatchingFromTheWings · 07/11/2017 21:38

Agree with pp....sounds like they already know your news!

Original poster
Phryne · 07/11/2017 21:38

Their son and I already have a child so I don't think they have any particular insight into my current condition.

It doesn't need a snarky reply and I probably won't send one but I find it a pretty weird way to express yourself and they wind me up so the temptation is there Grin

How about 'X, did you mean to send this to your other family?!?! None of the grandkids I know about share my birthday'

I'm guessing that they won't like the news we're having another because they were very vocal that they thought we shouldn't have the first one.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 07/11/2017 21:42

“can I just check you’re ok as you’ve sent me a message from Grandma and Grandad. If you need us to contact Social services for a care assessment please do let us know. I’d hate for you to suffer from dementia in silence. Let me know if you’d like me to come to the GP with you or arrange a memory assessment. #DementiaMatters”

Grin
LaurieFairyCake · 07/11/2017 21:46

“PS. We’re having another kid so at least you know that your family will continue once you’ve passed on”

liminality · 07/11/2017 21:48

Wow. They said happy birthday. Just reply thanks.
This is a seriously weird OP.

Neverender · 07/11/2017 21:48

I’d put, “Lol!”

And then write nothing. It denotes that you’re reading their comment with derision.

AlexsMum89 · 07/11/2017 21:52

Am I alone in referring to my dad as grandad sometimes (because he is grandad to my son)? But then we get on well and he's never tried to make me feel like I'm not wanted in the family nor been unwelcoming to my children (baby 2 on the way). He loves being grandad so it always feels nice to refer to it.
My nan on the other hand, different kettle of fish...

ChevalierTialys · 07/11/2017 21:55

There's pictures of Tom Hardy naked out there for the googling

^^ This. Although you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone and send them pictures of Tom Hardy naked.

AtSea1979 · 07/11/2017 21:56

So you're miffed because they called themselves grandparents even though you just said you have a DC? I often called my dad grandad when the kids are around. Maybe they thought you'd share your birthday messages with your DC so put that or maybe they are proud to be grandparents to your DC.
OP you are clearly bitter about the past issues otherwise you'd have replied thanks and not given it a second thought. I hope you can sort your differences out before the next DC comes along.

AtSea1979 · 07/11/2017 21:57

X-post with Alexsmum (my DS is also Alex)

Insomnibrat · 07/11/2017 21:57

I don't understand this at all. Get over it. Weird.

Original poster
Phryne · 07/11/2017 21:57

Love that one Laurie

It's also interesting to know that I'm in a minority about finding it really weird that they refer to themselves this way, so I won't comment/reply to them (DP might he hates it but he can start his own thread for brilliant ideas)

Can I also point out that the reason that the text doesn't include anything like 'love' or even a solitary 'x' is because they don't in fact like me and have made this clear by saying so to my face? I'll not give details this is outing enough as it is

OP posts:
AlexsMum89 · 07/11/2017 21:59

To be honest i think I would be annoyed at seeing that message from them simply because they are horrible to me! I'm sure it would be different if they were nice OP

HurtyAtThirty · 07/11/2017 22:02

They are definitely weird OP, they aren't your grandparents! My in laws send me cards/presents signed 'mum & dad', although I see where they're coming from and it's nice etc....BUT they AREN'T my mum and dad, my folks would never refer to themselves as DH parents.

Original poster
Phryne · 07/11/2017 22:07

If we're trying to guess why they do it, it unlikely to be because they are proud of being GP to my child this would be the only sign. If we're being charitable it might be because they don't like signing with their first names as they still think 'kids' (30+) who aren't family should say Mr/Mrs. They used to go with 'DP's parents' which was also weird in my world. DP thinks his sister had brain washed them and they now sign everything this way as her kids are vvvvv important Grin I am entertained by the idea of that being what it says on their gas bill

OP posts:
campion · 07/11/2017 22:09

Hilarious LaurieFairyCake.

Dementia's so funny, isn't it?Hmm