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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bloody hell - Santa blackmail.......

98 replies

MintyChops · 06/11/2017 18:36

So last year my eldest son (then 7) said he wasn’t totally sure that Santa was real so I put a packet of chewing gum in his stocking as we don’t allow it and “only Santa” would have done this. He was thrilled, said he knew now that Santa is real, relished his chewing gum, faith restored and I thought how clever I had been.

Too bloody clever as it turns out. He has now announced that he is having his Santa doubts again, thinks it is just me and his dad and that when he writes to Santa this year he is only going to ask for one thing. A PlayStation. I really, really do not want to get one for all sorts of reasons, too expensive/yet another screen to try to keep him off/ he is only 8/ something to fight over with his little brothers, etc but what the hell do I do?

I have asked a few friends and all bar one have said that they think we should get it and enjoy how thrilled he will be. The one who thought we shouldn’t get it had no helpful advice on how to not get it without confirming Santa’s non-existence, he just objected to the blackmail-style of it. So, AIBU to not get it and if not, how do I get out of it without him feeling Santa isn’t real?

OP posts:
fullofhope03 · 06/11/2017 20:24

He knows the truth! Sorry OP xx

deadringer · 06/11/2017 20:25

He is only 8, I wouldn't call this blackmail. He is a child who wants a PlayStation very much, that is the bottom line, imo it's irrelevant whether he believes in santa or not, and btw lots of kids still believe at 8. If you really don't want him to have a PlayStation don't buy it, end of story. Fwiw, if money wasn't an issue, i would get it for him.

Liiinoo · 06/11/2017 20:26

Santa can't bring everything he's asked for. If he did half the children in the world would have a unicorn/pony/baby brother and my three year old DD would have had a motorbike and a tattoo. From infancy my DDs were told we conferred with Santa about what gifts would be best and which ones we could afford.

I think he's playing you OP.

Nannyplumbrocks · 06/11/2017 20:29

God Im a bit shocked at all the posters saying 8 is about the right time to know the truth Shock My eldest is 6 and I honestly feel I have till hes at least 10

Original poster
MintyChops · 06/11/2017 20:29

AAAGGGGHHHHHHH!! Now I am wobbling again. We can afford it and he is a lovely little boy (I’m sure we all say that but he truly is). I am heartened/made more wobbly by the stories of the kids who haven’t become hopelessly addicted to PlayStations and xboxes. I don’t really think he is blackmailing us, he really really wants one and his 2 best friends have one. Bugger. Now I don’t know again.

By the way, I do take on board everyone who says it is too expensive/ he’s being greedy etc. I’m just so torn.

OP posts:
InvisibleKittenAttack · 06/11/2017 20:31

expecting this is why we have rules like "you can only put 5 things on your list and Father Christmas never brings it all". We've got a nearly 8 year old who I think doesn't believe, but would like to. He mentioned something he saw in the shops, it was nearly £200. I told him he can't put something that expensive on his christmas list. He seemed to accept that.

NoSantaHere · 06/11/2017 20:34

😂 do you really think your 8 year old doesn’t know Santa isn’t real? Confused

My 4.5 year old already know he’s not real. (You might think that’s young but he just sussed it by himself!)

TittyGolightly · 06/11/2017 20:34

I’ll be so sad when he doesn’t believe. I remember when I found out it was just sort sort of crushing.

But you’re setting him up for the same thing!

GherkinSnatch · 06/11/2017 20:43

The Playstation is a red herring. He knows. He's testing you, and you're falling for it.

FWIW I don't think they're a total evil, though arguably you're setting a very expensive precedent at 8 years old - what's it going to be next year when he knows that Santa/whoever will bring him £400 of tech like that? What games is he going to be after - you need to decide if you're going to be able to keep him away from adult games (which most of them are), or whether you'll get him those too because Everyone Else Plays GTA and If Santa's Real I'll Get It.

RiotAndAlarum · 06/11/2017 21:13

I thought of the fishwife fairytale, too!

Asking for a PlayStation at 8 is taking the piss, whether he believes or not. You were right to worry about the impact on his brothers, starting with jealousy and fighting. If none of them find it addictive, that's also a terrible outcome! All that money for an electronic White Elephant!

YellowMakesMeSmile · 06/11/2017 21:18

Santa is just the delivery guy here too. That way it's easy to explain why they can't have a real unicorn or why chidren get different amounts.

If your DH wants to get the gift then that's a conversation you need to have together as you both have different ideas.

Everyone has a different budget for Christmas and lots subscribe to no big gifts. MN seems to have competitive frugality at Christmas so big items are a no no.

Dabitdontrubit · 06/11/2017 21:27

We were lucky as we wanted a PS3 too, so it was a "surprise family gift" - the children were young enough to believe back then.

Fast forward to XBOX requisition, same applied without Santa getting credit... surprise Christmas gift from us to us all.

Controllers are family possessions, whoever breaks one, replaces it.

All the truly expensive stuff is communally owned, we're pretty lucky to have a few rooms downstairs so have avoided the bedroom dilemma (not a massive house, just poorly designed for modern living!).

There's some great games on PS3 for 8 years old.

If you can afford it but don't want to set a precedent family ownership is the way to go.

Brandnewstart · 06/11/2017 21:29

I wouldn't get him a PlayStation from Santa! I would want the full credit if I was paying for it. My eldest had his Xbox at 10 and his brother is having a console this year (just before his 10th birthday) so I think 8 is young, although a lot of people will disagree. I would go for a DS personally at that age. That way it can be put in a drawer if he is using it too much. He can also be out of the way of his little brothers to play it.
Personally I wouldn't confirm or deny regarding Santa, I never have. I think kids do truly want to believe!!

Danceswithwarthogs · 06/11/2017 21:36

Why is everyone so keen to keep kids believing in santa for as long as possible?
We agonised over whether to do santa at all - to add that extra magic to Christmas (and dd not ruining it for anyone else's kids) but not leaving her feeling deceived or manipulated when she did find out. I'll be fairly glad when she works it out for herself and I'd never lie if she asked me outright, otherwise how can she trust my honesty on anything else? It might be fun to have her in on the secret for the younger ones. I defo wouldn't buy games console just to try to prove it.

Damia · 06/11/2017 21:49

Give him a play station as in train station a really old fashioned Santa ish one with play station on the box and a santa train as his only gift

Goodasgoldilox · 06/11/2017 23:20

Isn't Santa far too old to understand about playstations? I wouldn't imagine that he would approve of them for a 7 year old anyway.

Goodasgoldilox · 06/11/2017 23:20

Ha ha Damia - we were thinking on the same lines!

scrabbler3 · 06/11/2017 23:33

I'd get the PlayStation but make it clear that it's a family item and limit the time that the children spend on it. There are some great games out there. My kids liked Minecraft and the sports ones at that age, especially football, wrestling and NFL if I remember correctly (although one of those might have been on the wii).

BrieAndChilli · 06/11/2017 23:33

is it within your budget?
DD wanted a monster high school one year for her birthday and I told her it was really expensive (we tend to do small presents for birthdays as spend on a party) so she said she would put it on her xmas list. I still went on about how exspnesice it was and how I couldn’t afford it.
I managed to get it reduced and she was really pleased on xmas day and it cemented her belief as she knew I would never have bought it!! Wink

T00much · 06/11/2017 23:35

My 10 yr old DD still believes!

TwoBobs · 06/11/2017 23:52

My 7 and 8 year old know that Santa only brings toys that the elves can make ie traditional toys. If a child puts electronic toys on the list then Mummies and Daddies have to send Santa the money so he can get those kinds of toys from the shops.

BiscuitsWithEverythingPlease · 07/11/2017 00:08

When I was a child Santa gave us a stocking of bits and bobs, then Mum and Dad gave us main presents, and as we got older we asked for certain things. DH and I followed the same system, with stockings from Santa and gifts from us when our own sons were little. We learnt a good lesson from a DN who asked her parents what they had given her for Christmas because everything in the lavish pile of gifts was from Santa in their house. Even now, our boys they get a stocking but are grown up so it's just a bit of fun and always includes standard items like socks, undies and toiletries along with chocolates, a few cheap things and a couple of more costly items. They get main gifts too.

shakingmyhead1 · 07/11/2017 02:11

i told my kids once they decided Santa wasn't real that he wont be coming with his extra Santa gifts now you don't believe in him
i would be saying Santa doesn't like having gifts demanded of him and Santa gives what Santa thinks the child deserves or needs and no one wants to piss off Santa now do they!
in our house Santa leaves a few nice $$ hair products, or electric toothbrushes and a couple of small toys or jewelry etc but nothing huge budget, just small and extra to what we buy and if they want something worth hundreds we give money towards the item and they need to save the rest and buy it them selves, we have found they appreciate the items more and use them more and really look after them, Miss 18 has been given a car and has to pay it off ( got her a $5k flash car rather than a $800 old bomby car) she knows if she looks after it that it will last her many years, Mr 9 wanted a tablet $350, so we gave him money gifts, as did the rest of the family in addition to other gifts, and he had to save the last $100 himself, so far hes been using it for the last 2 years and has looked after it, last year he wanted a xbox, so same thing... he saved up a lot and added to his xmas and birthday money he could afford it and so far it is still his pride and joy ( he found it on sale and saved $80 so even better)

LumpySpaceCow · 07/11/2017 05:27

Father Christmas delivers the presents here but leaves a small gift for each of the children (book or something in very specific wrapping paper). I want my children to know that we/friends/family spend a lot of time/thought/money in choosing and buying gifts - they can then also thank the giver.
I have a DD the same age as your son. I wouldn't get the present for him, but after all the presents had been opened, I would find an extra family present under the tree - the PlayStation! I would then have strict screen time rules.

SpottedGingham · 07/11/2017 07:28

He knows. Children perpetuate the myth to please the parents who believe their children have never listened to playground conversations, older siblings/cousins or read any book/magazine. This applies to everything, not just Santa.