AIBU about weekend away

[teaandcakeat8]

One of my parents has a significant birthday next year and wants to go on a city break to a popular European city to celebrate.

Obviously this will involve a flight and three night stay.

My parents are not short of money - probably have a combined income of 100k and no mortgage.

I have two siblings. One lives with his girlfriend so has a double income. They are comfortable.

Younger sibling still lives at home but earns a good salary and doesn't pay rent.

I am single, earn 31k but I live in London and have a mortgage which is a fairly big chunk of my monthly pay. Money is tight for me - if I go on a trip I usually plan far in advance and try to do this the most cost effective way - hostels, cheap attractions, offpeak flights etc.

Parents have picked a 5* hotel on a peak bank holiday weekend in mid summer when flights are also very expensive. They live in Yorkshire and also expect me to make my way there so that we can all fly together.

When I pointed out that I cannot afford this, they got very upset, as they want us to all stay together. I have asked if we could compromise on a cheaper hotel but no. They have also planned a lot of expensive touristy type trips which are all adding up to £££s.

So now after negotiating it looks like I will be staying in a hostel nearby whilst my siblings and parents stay in 5* all inclusive.

My AIBU is - are they being unreasonable to expect me to pay the full cost of the trip?
WIBU to just not go?

Wow. Just wow. Talk about self centred! No way would I be going and I would tell them exactly why. Is this normal behaviour from them?

It's very unfair to expect you to stay alone in another place while they live it up

I wouldn't go

Bloody hell families

No you shouldn't go if you can't afford it. I think your parents are cheeky to expect it really! Tell them what you've said here that you can't really afford it and you agreed because you thought they were footing some of the bill, that you don't want to rock the boat but that you really can't manage it at all. You have to do what's right for you

No way would I be going! Remind them interest rates are going up so your finances are going to be under more pressure than ever...

They are living in a bubble!

How awful.
If I wanted my kids somewhere with me I'd make it happen as the parent. If that meant I chose somewhere cheaper or I helped my child financially then that's what a parent does.

Sounds like they are bent out of shape that you have achieved what you have so far without their help. Be proud and hold your head high.

Wow! And they think you're tight?! I think they're unbelievably mean-spirited, self-centred, spoilt, immature and rude. Who expects people to stump up for their birthday? Fuck that! I wouldn't go full stop. Pull out NOW because you will be out a grand easily. 'Can't afford to go. I'm on my own' Don't apologise, either. They strop or call you tight I'd tell them to grow up. And I'd use the distance between London and Yorkshire to keep my distance from them.

I wouldn’t be going, and would be telling them I can’t afford it.

But if you do want to go, can you share a room with your youngest sibling and pick your own flights to bring the cost down?

I would be very clear with them that you can't afford it, you know sib doesn't pay rent, you don't have the disposable income he does/they do. Sorry, hope to see you another weekend to celebrate. Thing is, I know the train fare between London/Yorkshire and that's not cheap either unless you book months in advance. It's going to be a fortune however you do it.

I'm looking at around £60 for the train fare on top not to mention I'm sure a flight is cheaper from London, with more airport options. They thought it was incredulous I was even considering flying without them!

Nope, don’t go. You won’t enjoy it as it’s not on your own terms if you see what I mean.

It's none of their business how you choose to spend your money. And you are entirely justified in not wanting to spend so much on this.

Of course they should pay for you. I have 3 DCs and there is no way I would organise something like this and not pay for them. Regardless of whether or not they could afford it.

I'm sorry you have been put into such a difficult position. You're going to look like the bad/difficult one... I would be firm with them and just say I'm sorry, my finances don't allow it. I wouldn't even go and stay in a hostel.

Id tell them to jog on in regards to their holiday

Do they know what your income actually is?
The only not awful logic I can think of is that they think you're actually loaded - what with having a mortgage on a property in London and savings - and just too tight to spend it.

I wouldn't go. The person inviting should pay.

So many seem to forget etiquette when inviting people, they want the event but don't want to pay.

I wouldn’t go.

And expecting you to travel to Yorkshire is just beyond ridiculous.

They know my income and savings as I've always been quite open with them and also whilst I was buying my house I used their address as I was renting and didn't trust my housemates to pass on my post! I think they have accidentally opened statements previously (we have the same initial).

I would not go.

I would be very honest with them and say it is too expensive and way out of your budget. Let your siblings know quietly and discreetly and wish them well.
There is no way I would be staying in a hostel (my parents did this to me and my sister once and it has bothered me ever since, esp as it was my 21st birthday)

Your parents do sound quite inconsiderate and very demanding if I am honest. Their birthday weekend away they should pay or compromise on the arrangements, you can't have it both ways.

'They should pay accommodation, activities and some food IMO. You should pay own flights. It's worse when you are single I think - hotel costs double and travel more hassle.

I organised a do for my parents recently and we did split the accommodation between everyone - but it was fairly cheap and they are rich and we are not. We provided food. It was UK so travel wasn't too dear.'

I feel sorry for you, that you've been taken advantage of by such mean-spirited and stingy parents. If you want others to join you on a weekend abroad where you call all the shots - flying in together, 5 hotel, expensive activities - then you pay for all* of it.

Your parents are pretty low and mean to have allowed the accommodation bill to be split among their children whom they are know are not as well off as they are. I cannot ever imagine now wanting or offering to share any good fortune with my children.

Nope, tell them sorry, you can't afford it but will take them out for a meal in London next time they come.

Our grown up children earn more than us now, but we wouldn't dream of taking money from them for meals out, hotels etc. Don't touch your savings!

Why don't you share with your brother? How can they be happy for you to stay in a hostel down the road whilst they eat and drink in five star all inclusive together but not okay with you flying seperately. Doesn't make sense at all.

I wouldn't go. Honestly. I wouldn't.

"I love you mum and dad, but I cannot afford this trip. I hope you all have a lovely time." Do not engage beyond that.

Sorry but they expect you to go to Yorkshire to fly with them?
I think you need to have a long chat with them about your situation and wake them up a bit. This is ridiculous.
I had the same situation with my sisters hen do, I was a single mum at the time just making ends meet and she had a tantrum becasue I wouldn't go with her for a spa weekend in Europe.
We had to have a talk about realism.

'They know my income and savings as I've always been quite open with them and also whilst I was buying my house I used their address as I was renting and didn't trust my housemates to pass on my post! I think they have accidentally opened statements previously (we have the same initial).'

Time to put a stop to that pronto! It is none of their business. You need to get on the Stately Homes thread and learn about FOG - fear, obligation, guilt. They do not get to decide or make judgements on you for how you spend your money.

'I've given it more thought, and it's not going to work for me to go on the weekend. I've got serious financial commitments I have to keep on my own and my savings are for emergencies. So I won't be going.' Don't apologise! They're CFers. Just keep repeating this to them in response to any objection they raise because they are using FOG to control you. It's classic narc behaviour.

I would write to them - easier to say exactly what you want to if you write it down - and say that you've looked at the costs and you're realy sorry but you can't afford it. Maybe remind them that your cost of living is much higher than your siblings as you're not living as half of a couple or rent free, Explain that if you go on a holiday you budget very carefully and this sort of break is just too costly. Offer to meet up with them for a nice meal out at a later date

I find it really sad that they won’t compromise at all! You’re family for gods sake.

If you were my sibling, I would ask my other siblings if we could contribute more together to cover the extra costs for you so that you can be involved. Can’t believe your parents won’t even contribute.

sorry op. Have you had a chat with them about how it’s made you feel? Are they happy that everyone else is included and you’re not.