To be annoyed that DH's hobbies dominate the weekend?

[DelilahDarcey]

DH does hobbies most Saturdays all day. In summer it’s cricket or cycling. This time of year its cycling or clay pigeon shooting.

I am getting increasingly fucked off that instead of just being on the Saturday, the hobbies are taking over the whole fucking weekend and i am left to pick up the slack.

Friday nights are always spent ‘sorting his kit out’ or doing something like watching YouTube videos connected to the hobby he’s doing the next day. He then goes to bed early on Friday nights usually around 9pm ready for the next days activity.

He’s out all day most Saturdays. When he gets home EVERY week he’s either injured, tired or ‘ill’ from his taxing day. Tonight he’s come back with a very minor sniffle! He’s then in bed or snoring on the sofa by 9pm on Saturday nights.

Then on Sunday he’s still either tired/injured/ill from Saturday and just slobs around all day and doesn’t want to do anything. Followed again by snoring on the sofa or being in bed by 9pm!

This means that everything is left to me all weekend and his slobbing around and super early nights are annoying.

We have two kids aged 5 and 8, and both have our own businesses based from home so we both work pretty much equal hours. It would just be nice to do something as a family on a weekend or for him to take an equal share of chores and childcare rather than just opting out!

It sounds like although you have talked about it, he doesn’t take it seriously as a problem. So I think you should frankly tell him how selfish and unattractive his behaviour is and that you cannot are how you will be able to continue in a marriage if he doesn’t take an equal part in looking after his children at the weekend (if you do feel like this). It may well shock him to realise how major the isssue is, if he’s dismissed it as minor complaints before. If not, at least you know where you stand (which would sadly be lower down his list of priorities (you and your children) than a hobby - I personally don’t think I could continue to be married to someone who thought I wasn’t worth more than a carousel of hobbies).

He must be doing some mahousive cycle rides if he's out all day. Do you mean out for about 8 hours? That's probably about 160 miles.

Wowsers he is unbelievably selfish. He needs a big kick up the backside.
Ad a minimum he needs to reduce this obsession down to every other weekend.

My husband has obsessive hobbies too but wouldn’t dream of taking it to that level. As irritating as it is when you have small kids the ability to do fun “grown up” stuff massively diminishes.

Well, i think everybody's said all that needs to be said already but i'd like to just add -

I left my XH because it was just me raising the kids. He was (as an early poster said) just like a lodger.

The kids in question are now late teens and early 20s and are utterly aware of how uninvolved their father was in their lives and don't give a stuff about him. I didn't have to tell them. They remember well enough.

I smell fish.

“speakout

GhostCurry although having a few Saturdays where the OP leaves the house on a Saturday and is out all day may help communicate the issue to her OP.
Talking doesn't seem to be working.”

I know what you mean, but this will only leave the husband feeling irritated and hard done by (which he isn’t ) and won’t really solve the problem.

I also agree that the kids will be the ones who suffer. He won’t do anything with them, they will have a shit time, but ‘D’H will still manage to feel he has a genuine grievance because the OP is wilfully and maliciously doing something “to” him. Whereas when he goes out to his hobby, he “isn’t doing it to make anyone else feel bad”.

“Euphemia

It doesn't matter if he doesn't see the issue. You're telling him there's an issue. So there's an issue. It's a fact, not something he can choose to believe or disbelieve.”

Totally agree!

Don’t know anything about shooting but DH cycles. He does 90k every Sunday morning, goes out at 7ish, back before 11, quick shower then he’s all ours. Might spend an hour on Saturday cleaning his bikes (high end road bike and the one he rides to work). Maybe 10 mins sorting kit out. He also cooks, cleans, helps with homework and takes the kids out. I get breakfast in bed on a Saturday morning.
Your DH is taking the piss.

And what Euphemia said.

have not read the whole thread but it's obvious why he does not see the issue - because it serves his needs.

My DH is a cycle nut and goes out often. Even if he is out for really long rides, then I can tell you that it does not take all day. I would be very suspicious.

Can you not develop a hobby that takes up all Sunday? granted, it will not give you family time but you get a break and your DH may get the point.

Very difficult to get him to engage with family life of he doesn't want to
he may say what you want to hear but then you get all kinds of passive-aggressive shit where he just repeatedly fails to do his bit

Are you prepared to put up with his selfish behaviour, that’s the question. Because even if you don’t accept it, but he keeps on keeping on because there are no repercussions, you could be like this for years to come. Him denying he see a problem, you being at home watching the children growing up before your eyes, and those family years slipping away.

You can take a stand now and sort this out. He needs to own his actions. Or you could just continue to put up with it for a quiet life. Tough choices ahead, the children will be the net losers.

I don’t think anything will hangs because he doesn’t want to spend any time with you, with his children or doing household tasks.

If you go out and leave him he still won’t do anything around the house or engage with the children.

I think seriously telling him you don’t see a future in the marriage with him given he clearly puts his children, home life and wife at the bottom of his priority list.

Do you seriously want to be with someone like this for the rest of your life? You’d get more rest if he had them kids EOW.

`Why are you still with him then?
You need to take some personal responsibility for the situation you're in - you chose to have dc with him knowing this is how he is and his refusal to change.

Find some self respect and leave him.