To be annoyed that DH's hobbies dominate the weekend?

[DelilahDarcey]

DH does hobbies most Saturdays all day. In summer it’s cricket or cycling. This time of year its cycling or clay pigeon shooting.

I am getting increasingly fucked off that instead of just being on the Saturday, the hobbies are taking over the whole fucking weekend and i am left to pick up the slack.

Friday nights are always spent ‘sorting his kit out’ or doing something like watching YouTube videos connected to the hobby he’s doing the next day. He then goes to bed early on Friday nights usually around 9pm ready for the next days activity.

He’s out all day most Saturdays. When he gets home EVERY week he’s either injured, tired or ‘ill’ from his taxing day. Tonight he’s come back with a very minor sniffle! He’s then in bed or snoring on the sofa by 9pm on Saturday nights.

Then on Sunday he’s still either tired/injured/ill from Saturday and just slobs around all day and doesn’t want to do anything. Followed again by snoring on the sofa or being in bed by 9pm!

This means that everything is left to me all weekend and his slobbing around and super early nights are annoying.

We have two kids aged 5 and 8, and both have our own businesses based from home so we both work pretty much equal hours. It would just be nice to do something as a family on a weekend or for him to take an equal share of chores and childcare rather than just opting out!

He doesn't enjoy "family life", does he. Does he interact with his children at all? He might as well be the fucking lodger for all the good he is, by the sound of it.

Does he contribute anything to family life apart from money?

I hate this sort of argument because the man always finds some “solution” that doesn’t actually solve the problem. “Get a hobby of your own!” Knowing full well that the wife doesn’t want one/doesn’t have the energy for one/doesn’t want to spend the money on something she isn’t that interested in.

Personally I’m a homebody and would really dislike the “leave the house at the crack of dawn for the day” solution.

Your problem OP is that your husband refuses to see the issue. That is what you need to work on. He can’t see the problem? Keep explaining until he does. Nothing will be resolved until he accepts that there is a problem.

ghost I agree.

The problem is that this sounds like a selfish man who cares more about himself than his wife and family.

I wouldn't live with a man like that. I would rather be a lone parent.

Men like this are gobshites.

I would definetley set my alarm early for the saturday, leave the house before he is awake and turn off my phone. No leaving for his hobby then!

I think you need a chat that isn't vague or a nag. Can you propose a solution that would work for you.

how about one weekend is his hobbies, one weekend is yours and one weekend is family time on a rolling rota.

Pop a list of weekend chores that need doing before hobbies can start on the fridge - and make sure you do half each

He'd look a bit of an idiot to say 'no only I am allowed a hobby and you have to do all the chores'

GhostCurry although having a few Saturdays where the OP leaves the house on a Saturday and is out all day may help communicate the issue to her OP.
Talking doesn't seem to be working.

How about saying that he needs to do his activities on Sunday so that you can have family time inn saturday - no injuries or exhaustion. Or perhaps saying he can have cricket or clay pigeon shooting but no both if they only happen on Sundays. Cycling is a flexible hobby. DH is a very keen and good cyclist. He goes for a 2 hour bike ride once a weekend and asks when would be best ( usually during DS 2 nap )

How is the relationship generally? Are you happy with him?

I know it’s too late now but why are you only tackling this now, 8years on?

Your options:

LTB then he has the kids EOW.

Get up really early on Saturday morning, go out for the whole day (or until Sunday evening if you can) and leave a list of chores for him. Repeat until he gets the message.

Stop doing any wifework for him - laundry etc.

Tell all of your friends and family how selfish he is.

Joint counselling.

Hire a housekeeper and pay for it out of his account.

Hire an au pair and pay for it out of his account.

Hire a surrogate husband and pay for it out of his account.

Hide his bikes.

Join him on all of his hobbies. With the kids.

Fill his car with actual pigeons. Pigeons with diarrhoea.

How about saying that he needs to do his activities on Sunday so that you can have family time inn saturday

The thing is you can't force someone to care when they don't.

I think the problem with the OP buggering off on a Sat/Sun is that she'll come back to a messy house and two kids who've had no fresh air or exercise, because this is a man who is lazy and self-centred.

Ignore him, don't do any housework, take the kids out yourself doing something fun - or leave the, with him and make your own plans. He can't shirk childcare, they are his children. If he's in the house on Sunday he can babysit.

Men only learn by being treated the way they treat you - they just can't see the point of change otherwise. They are very transactional.

On a Friday night, you go out with friends to the pub while he stays in with the kids and goes to sleep at 9 - plenty of other men down the pub do t go to bed early.

I promise you that he will soon change his tune when you start doing what you want to do instead of playing his game and sitting in like a good little wife making him feel in demand and important.

Before you do your own thing at the weekend just make sure no one else is available to help him such as his mother, your mother and so on.

Yes, you could tell him that if you were to split up, he'd have to spend the whole weekend with his children every other week.

He is incredibly selfish and neglectful of his relationship with you and his children

Had same issue with stbx. He left us 4 months ago for his training partner.

scrabbler

I agree

I'd be getting him up and telling to shut fuck up about illness/injury's as he was perfectly ok yesterday to do what he enjoys and if it getting to much for him then he need to cut down the amount of time he does it. But as of TODAY he has to spent time with his children as they as much his as they are yours.

He will not change unless he has to. I would also be reminding him that I'm his wife and not his cook, nanny and housemaid and if he wants to continue the life he has then he needs to get his head out of his arse and start being part of his family or he can go live else where.

If, for example you split up, when would he see his children?

Selfish.

Take the initiative and go out all Saturday next week leaving him with the kids

I wouldn't ask him to change.

Either this man cares or he doesn't.

There isn't much you can do about that.

OP has to decide if she wants a partner and father who doesn't love his family very much.

Kick him out of bed early on Sunday morning so he can see to the children while you have a lie in. If he insists on Saturday being his fun day, make Sunday your fun day.

My ex husband used to play cricket ALL weekend in the summer. But I used to go along too, and we took our young children. Actually it was quite good fun.....always a park to take the kids too, plenty of picnics and good friends. The only thing I didn't like was me having leave early to get the kids to bed while he wouldn't come home until 2am.

Funnily enough, his new wife doesn't allow it and he never plays any more

As others have said, he pretends not to understand because he doesn't want to understand. You don't have to put up with someone who doesn't want to be with you and the children because you and the children deserve much more than that. It does sound extreme but maybe start thinking about being free of this selfish uncaring man.