To ask if there's such a thing as a 'nice normal family'?

[moutonfou]

Background: my family are close, affluent in theory, my dad has a good job. From the outside we probably look like a 'nice normal family'. But there are issues - bad financial decisions, debt, mental health issues across the piece. Parents would probably have split up long ago but for dad being main breadwinner and mum having no means to go it alone, plus my only sibling has a learning disability, lives at home and has been NEET for 3 years with no sign of that changing, which causes everyone anxiety.

Today DH and I went out to lunch and I saw the family of an old friend who always seemed to be the perfect family. All really close, dad has a solid job in a profession, nice house, kids went to private schools, all now established/successful in professions themselves. The kids are starting to have their own kids, some of whom were there, and they all looked so happy together.

They were all sharing a bottle of wine, which really got to me somehow, because a typical wine scenario for my family would be my dad drinking a bottle of wine to himself and becoming gradually more incoherent, my brother glued to his phone or asking if we can leave, and me and my mum drinking tap water to keep the cost down and trying and failing to involve everybody in a conversation.

I commented that sometimes I get jealous of 'nice normal families' and DH said there's no such thing. There's something you aren't seeing in every family.

I accept that, but surely there must be at least some 'nice, normal families' out there? Maybe there are a few worries/issues there, but essentially they're all close to each other, moderately happy and fulfilled in life, and not too uncomfortable financially?

[WhooooAmI24601]

I think a lot of what we perceive to be "nice, normal families" is fuelled by the social media revolution that's taken over.

Twenty years ago we didn't have a clue about anyone's lives aside from those in our immediate circle. Now through social media we essentially 'sell' our lives to viewers on the outside, swiping junk off the coffee table so our pictures of the DCs look like we live in a spotless house, filtering the shit out of photos of the dog so nobody can see her gammy eye, re-taking snapchats 57 times til you get one without 7 chins. It's all nonsense. What you see on the outside absolutely is not what goes on inside.

Instead of looking at others 'nice normal lives' I choose to just work on ours. We're happy, we're lucky, we've a lovely home, healthy DCs, jobs we love and a dog with just the one gammy eye. I've learned to stop looking outwards at others lives and focus more on ours. It's helped.

[Ilovelampandchair]

Our family is happy, well adjusted, supportive, unjudgemental, no skeletons, no MH issues, good financially, spends time together with zero arguing....clearly that is impossible to believe according to this thread and we're hiding some great horrible secret😂 I will say that we've lost a couple of loved ones but besides that my parents, my sister and I (and our families) are well, absolutely ok in every direction.

[streetlife70s]

We are a nice normal family. Perfect in fact. If you knew us you’d know a nice, normal family in real life.

( slowly hides restraints behind back. Hopes the smell from the bodies under the patio isn’t noticeable. Chucks empty cans of batter acid consumed for breakfast away sharpish )

[Eolian]

I have what I'd describe as a nice, normal family. In fact mine are and my in-laws are too. No skeletons in the cupboard, no divorces or feuds, no narcissists, abuse or addictions, no bug arguments even. Everyone gets on well and is happy to spend time together.

[grimeofthecentury]

Eolian I'd be surprised in a large extended family there is no history of abuse or addiction somewhere. Based on sheer statistics alone.

[Eolian]

Well I'm only talking about my immediate family and dh's immediate family. So us, our parents, our siblings and their husbands/wives. It may be unusual, but the small percentage of unproblematic families do actually exist! There was an alcoholic in my family but he was my great grandfather.