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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my friend's partner is really rude and not help him any more?

22 replies

JigglyTuff · 04/11/2017 21:25

Gah - I'm really annoyed and just need a sense check.

I'm a consultant and he wants some of my advice (for nothing). He emailed me asking for advice and I said I'd help him out. We had a conversation, I read a paper he'd written and offered advice and then had a follow up call. He now wants another follow up call but he has failed to call me on three separate occasions that have been diarised (all at times of his choosing). So basically I've been waiting and planned things around calls that haven't materialised.

I'm really getting fucked off. WIBU to tell him to piss off now?

OP posts:

TheNaze73 · 04/11/2017 21:26

YANBU

ChevalierTialys · 04/11/2017 21:28

Don't bother setting anything up anymore. If he asks again, tell him you're not prepared to waste your time, for free, on something he's not taking seriously.

Original poster

JigglyTuff · 04/11/2017 21:37

Twice he's called me (unscheduled) and I've said that I can't talk at that moment and we've agreed another time. Both times he's failed to call. And then called at a random time and I've had to say that it's not convenient and then we've agreed another time when he fails to call me.

So fucking irritating! Next week I'm working on site at a client and will be out 7-7 every day. And I have no time (or energy) to give to him outside of those hours.

OP posts:

Allthewaves · 04/11/2017 22:19

Just tell him your booked solid for next two weeks

MyKingdomForBrie · 04/11/2017 22:21

Yep just tell him sorry but you have already given him availability which has then been wasted, and you just don’t have any availability left.

HateHomework · 04/11/2017 22:21

Yes tell him you're booked for 1 month and every time he doesn't show up he needs to wait for a month

VimFuego101 · 04/11/2017 22:22

Confirm a new time with him, then send him an email confirmation detailing your hourly rate and cancellation fees.

Original poster

JigglyTuff · 04/11/2017 22:38

Ha! Vim. That would make him fall over in shock. I don't really like him - I'm only helping him because I love my friend but I do think he's entirely taking the piss now.

I don't want to have a row with him though. I can't think of any way that I can get out of this without one though. He needs to submit his paper in 10 days and I have zero time now. I guess I should just email him and say that. I can probably squeeze in a final review to be nice but I'm not waiting around for a phone call that doesn't materialise.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/11/2017 22:43

Nope. You've already been nice and he's chosen to disrespect you, your time and your work.

If you're worried about your friend and she brings it up, just explain what's happened and that you've tried really hard to help him but you're not booked up for a month.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/11/2017 22:46

Tough shit. Tell him you’re busy for the next 6 weeks. He’s missed his chance.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 04/11/2017 22:47

His deadline is not your problem!

His attitude to calling you at a time that suits him and expecting you to drop everything to accommodate him is indicative of how much he values you and your help and expertise. He sounds like one of those people who don't value what they don't pay for. He also sounds the epitome of 'entitled'.

If he contacts you expecting you to drop everything again, say, 'We previously agreed three appointments for calls which you didn't keep. I am extremely busy this week and can't fit you in. Good luck with the submission.' And if he dares to kick off about it instead of apologising for messing you around and thanking you for the help you had previously provided free of charge, tell your friend you are disappointed with his behaviour and his lack of gratitude for your help. If she kicks off in turn, rather than being embarrassed, then you have learned something uncomfortable but important about her.

justilou1 · 04/11/2017 22:53

You've said enough - Send him an email and cc in your friends
"Dear X, You should be aware that you now have ten days to submit your paper. You have failed to call during the last three agreed appointments and I have attempted to help you, but can no longer do so as I am booked solid for the next three weeks with paid work and will not be able to contribute any more time or expertise." (Gratis or paid)

If you are really nice, you can refer him to one or two other companies that do the same thing, making no promises about their availability.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 04/11/2017 22:54

What do you mean you can't think of a way out of it?

He missed three appointments!

Why would it end up in a row?

You are on client site like you say and have no time outside. Don't call him, wait for him to call you, if he calls during work hours then don't answer.

If you do want to make another appointment then make it convenient for you, inconvenient for him and check the day before that he will be there. Say he can meet you at your lunch time on client site for half an hour and make it clear he's buying lunch.

It sounds like he isn't that bothered about your feedback tbh. Maybe he's only calling at all because your friend is pushing him so you don't fall out with her.

Maelstrop · 04/11/2017 22:55

He's missed the boat, tough shit. Ignore.

Breadwithgarlicon · 04/11/2017 22:56

I think I would explain what you've told us here and that you have no time available now. Maybe you could recommend someone else who could help him? (Rates to be discussed with them, obviously.)

Nocabbageinmyeye · 04/11/2017 23:02

It's pretty much this simple - if you allow people to walk all over, they will and this guy has cheeky dicker written all over him so stamp it out now

SleightOfMind · 04/11/2017 23:03

Hmm, I had similar with my ex’s friends new boyfriend.
It was utterly ridiculous. He didn’t even call to cancel or say he was running late, just failed to turn up, twice.
I called to check everything was ok and he told me he’d been out with a friend and delayed. The second time it was ‘traffic’.
We arranged one last meeting (I thought of her as a good friend) he turned up two hours late and I’d left for work.
DH was at home with our baby twins, about to take them on the school run and gave him short shrift.

She’s never spoken to me again, they got married last year.

SleightOfMind · 04/11/2017 23:04

ex friend’s

Gemini69 · 04/11/2017 23:07

stop allowing yourself to be made a fool of... for FREE.... make no more arrangements..

Skittlesandbeer · 04/11/2017 23:18

I agree with proactively sending a text now that says you’re fully booked for x weeks.

If it kicks off, you send both of them a run-down of how much value (in actual £ terms) you’ve given him already. Be generous to yourself in your calculations, and include all the waiting time you did). I don’t mean invoice them, just clarify for them what you’ve done out of kindness. It’s hard for people to get shirty when you can prove your niceness!

Butterymuffin · 04/11/2017 23:22

'Sorry, I kept the three slots we arranged free and you didn't ring in any of them. I'm wall-to-wall busy for weeks now. Good luck!'

PortlyWino · 04/11/2017 23:44

If I were your friend and this were my partner I would be cross with him not you. You have gone out of your way and he is taking the piss now.

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